By Lex April 07, 2015 @ 8:38 AM
LeAnn Rimes shared vacation photos of herself and her topless husband as part of her check-in process so people stop calling the cops over to her place to check on her mental state. Social media gives a massive damn about who you’re dating and what nail polish you’re wearing when you’re eighteen and have a hit single. When you’re forty-one and cooing about your sexy divorcee husband stealing your favorite baseball cap and how you’re going to have to wrestle him later, the tween stats start to nose dive. You’re audience is quickly dwindling down to those tracking you as old habit in between glucose meter readings. There’s always personal or professional accomplishments to brag about, but that seems like undue effort. Bikini selfies will get you a little something something, but I’d start considering topless fetish shots. The rags will start surmising you’ve gone nuts again, which means you just bought yourself another three years of popularity. Mission accomplished.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex February 09, 2015 @ 9:01 AM
Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews
By Lex July 21, 2014 @ 12:32 PM
LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian’s new reality show, LeAnn and Eddie, because Crazy and Shmucky was apparently already taken, debuted this week on VH-1. The classy couple are fronting the show as a chance for them to explain the real LeAnn and Eddie beyond the tabloid headlines. Then they proceed to spend the entire episode discussing the tabloid headlines because even if they don’t realize it, the show producers know it’s the only only possible reason for people to watch this kind of magic:.
Eddie: “We were both married to other people when we fell in love. And I know most of you think my wife is a homewrecker and a stalker.”
LeAnn: “You’re forgetting alcoholic, pill popper and children stealer! And you’re also a moocher, you have no job, and you married me for my money.”
Ha, ha… wait, isn’t most of that true? Nope. If you watch the show you can learn that they are actually just a happy go lucky pair of narcissistic media-obsessed divorced vindictive a-holes trying to turn a buck off their own tawdry reputations. Then after watching the show you can ask yourself why you just spent an hour tuned into LeAnn and Eddie when you could’ve been driving a large nail through your nuts. The experiences are similar but only one will haunt you forever.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News
By Lex July 02, 2014 @ 4:34 PM
LeAnn Rimes desperately wants a doctor to squirt a future baby into her crazy womb. She wants to complete the circle of buying Eddie Cibrian from a soused Brandi Glanville and gestating his offspring so he’ll be tied to her forever. If I were Brandi Glanville, the moment LeAnn conceived I’d rush my two sons by way of Eddie out of the country to some Nepalese monastery for hiding. I’ve seen this alpha alley cat reproductive dance before. The children of the former matriarch never fare well. I’m not saying LeAnn will try to assassinate Eddie’s first two born by her sworn enemy, but I’m also not saying she won’t. I just want my bases covered so I can say I told you so when all the other dumbasses are telling reporters they didn’t see it coming and LeAnn seemed like such a nice neighbor. For his part, Eddie Cibrian says he’d prefer just to get a puppy. Which means he will soon experience the sensation of waking to a general paralysis while his wife cranks his tool into a cup and croons a tender love song.
By Lex May 27, 2014 @ 1:47 PM
LeAnn Rimes is crazy… crazy fun that is! She got a couple of the adventurous gals from her rhinoplasty class action group to pull on some bikinis and imitate the Sports Illustrated 50th Anniversary swimsuit edition cover that was so relevant just four months ago. These ladies all seem confused by natural sunlight, but they do have pretty nice bottoms. It’s a real challenge to duplicate the naturally staged sorority love fest put on by Chrissy Teigen, Nina Agdal, and Lily Aldridge. Also, the SI girls have press agents and assistants in their traveling entourage, unlike these two prop girls who LeAnn had disappeared into an Argentinean soccer stadium after she caught Eddie gawking at them from the balcony. Every day is a new day when you’re married to LeAnn Rimes.
Photo Credit: LeAnn Rimes/Twitter
By Lex March 17, 2014 @ 4:38 PM
It’s not divorce that fucks up kids, it’s their bio and step moms coming to their Little League showing off their tits to outdo each other that will get you into a small animal torture pathology. Eddie Cibrian made a kid with Brandi Glanville, then she sold her cheating husband to LeAnn Rimes who went slowly insane from lack of sustenance while Brandi got drunk on paint thinner and soda and Eddie tried to figure out how to get his IMDB page to look like he had a job. Meanwhile, the little Cibrian boy just wants to play baseball. What the hell is more kid American than that? But, no, his cat fighting crazy moms have to show up to his shit, one with her rexic splayed chest bared and the other in super tight form fitting clothes that I can’t show you because the photos were too fucking expensive. Now this kid has to hear his Little League coaches in the dugout talk about which of his moms they’d like to Larry King wife style first. Parents are the worst. We need to figure out a way to start hatching kids at eighteen.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, Splash