By Lex November 02, 2015 @ 11:34 AM
Some time in the 1980′s slutty women stole Halloween from the children and nobody gave a damn because slutty women are where children come from and people inherently respect causality. Now every Halloween costume for woman begins and ends with — how does it make my tits look? Which is more relevant than am I spooky and less relevant than can I be fucked in my costume and still return it with a straight face on Monday? Haunted houses have been replaced by raging bacchanalias. Who will cry for the pedophiles? This used to be their night.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex July 20, 2015 @ 9:04 AM
According to a bunch of gossip rags that dig through celebrity garbage bins, LeAnn Rimes and her rented cock husband are fast approaching broke. It’s related to LeAnn’s inability to commit fully to a music career since every time she leaves the house for more than five minutes, her unemployed husband sneaks a girl over and fucks her in their bed. On the bright side, they’re about to lose their home. This shit is much harder to pull in the back of a car. Legally, Rimes won’t be able to profit from the sale of her book about what led her to stab her deadbeat dick seventy-five times with kitchen shears but the read should still be good. Turn the wiper blades on and whoosh away the crazy. There’s still a nice ass in there somewhere.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex April 07, 2015 @ 8:38 AM
LeAnn Rimes shared vacation photos of herself and her topless husband as part of her check-in process so people stop calling the cops over to her place to check on her mental state. Social media gives a massive damn about who you’re dating and what nail polish you’re wearing when you’re eighteen and have a hit single. When you’re forty-one and cooing about your sexy divorcee husband stealing your favorite baseball cap and how you’re going to have to wrestle him later, the tween stats start to nose dive. You’re audience is quickly dwindling down to those tracking you as old habit in between glucose meter readings. There’s always personal or professional accomplishments to brag about, but that seems like undue effort. Bikini selfies will get you a little something something, but I’d start considering topless fetish shots. The rags will start surmising you’ve gone nuts again, which means you just bought yourself another three years of popularity. Mission accomplished.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex February 09, 2015 @ 9:01 AM
Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews
By Lex July 21, 2014 @ 12:32 PM
LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian’s new reality show, LeAnn and Eddie, because Crazy and Shmucky was apparently already taken, debuted this week on VH-1. The classy couple are fronting the show as a chance for them to explain the real LeAnn and Eddie beyond the tabloid headlines. Then they proceed to spend the entire episode discussing the tabloid headlines because even if they don’t realize it, the show producers know it’s the only only possible reason for people to watch this kind of magic:.
Eddie: “We were both married to other people when we fell in love. And I know most of you think my wife is a homewrecker and a stalker.”
LeAnn: “You’re forgetting alcoholic, pill popper and children stealer! And you’re also a moocher, you have no job, and you married me for my money.”
Ha, ha… wait, isn’t most of that true? Nope. If you watch the show you can learn that they are actually just a happy go lucky pair of narcissistic media-obsessed divorced vindictive a-holes trying to turn a buck off their own tawdry reputations. Then after watching the show you can ask yourself why you just spent an hour tuned into LeAnn and Eddie when you could’ve been driving a large nail through your nuts. The experiences are similar but only one will haunt you forever.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News
By Lex July 02, 2014 @ 4:34 PM
LeAnn Rimes desperately wants a doctor to squirt a future baby into her crazy womb. She wants to complete the circle of buying Eddie Cibrian from a soused Brandi Glanville and gestating his offspring so he’ll be tied to her forever. If I were Brandi Glanville, the moment LeAnn conceived I’d rush my two sons by way of Eddie out of the country to some Nepalese monastery for hiding. I’ve seen this alpha alley cat reproductive dance before. The children of the former matriarch never fare well. I’m not saying LeAnn will try to assassinate Eddie’s first two born by her sworn enemy, but I’m also not saying she won’t. I just want my bases covered so I can say I told you so when all the other dumbasses are telling reporters they didn’t see it coming and LeAnn seemed like such a nice neighbor. For his part, Eddie Cibrian says he’d prefer just to get a puppy. Which means he will soon experience the sensation of waking to a general paralysis while his wife cranks his tool into a cup and croons a tender love song.