LeAnn Rimes in a Bikini Filming Something Important

By Lex February 03, 2014 @ 6:56 PM

LeAnn Rimes In A Leopard Bikini At The Beach In Hawaii
LeAnn Rimes and her feud with everyone in the world who has a vagina and doesn’t look like  that horrible thing six-year olds imagine live in the dark corner of their rooms at night, continues as she started filming a reality TV show intended to rival her husband’s ex-wife’s Real Housewives show. It’s not so much a reality show as everyone’s admitted it’s already scripted, as opposed to traditional reality television where everybody is instructed to lie about the show being scripted. Mostly, LeAnn sees Brandi Glanville getting famous for being a drunken plastic-surgery riddled ho-bag and is wondering where her piece is.

We saw the majority of reality shows, the cast members get to consume a lot of alcohol and then they get to fight and throw things and we looked at each other and we said, ‘Why don’t we do that?’ That sounds like fun. Let’s join ‘em.’  – LeAnn Rimes’ husband

Whatever his name is makes a good point. If you’re going to be a drunk married couple filled with insecurity and regret, why not get paid by VH-1 for your miserable existence to be produced for a TV audience. The number of people wanting to pay top dollar to see LeAnn Rimes in concert is dwindling. But the number of people who will tune in to see her not eat for a month because her husband is giving orthopedic massages to the pool boy is unlimited.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

LeAnn Rimes Ain’t Wearing No Damn Bra

By Lex December 30, 2013 @ 1:13 PM

LeAnn Rimes Goes Braless At The Topanga Mall In Woodland Hills
LeAnn Rimes isn’t insisting upon your good wishes or sympathy or even to take her side in her various cat fight battles with her husband’s former wife. She just wants you to look at her tits. Just keep an eye on her body and everything else will work itself into place. That’s the beauty of insanity in women. A homeless woman mumbling shit about President Reagan and Grenada conspiracies will still flash her skeeter when she needs a nickel toward a bottle of juice. LeAnn and her husband’s ex are going to be jiggling body parts in public until long after that dude is buried. But I’m only looking for maybe five more years.

I thought maybe I was wrong about LeAnn, but as I was writing this, she Tweeted a picture of her early morning abs workout, because she cares about you a lot:

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Splash

LeAnn Rimes Uses Sex To Keep from Crying

By Lex December 12, 2013 @ 6:08 PM

Leann Rimes Performs A Patsy Cline Tribute At The ACA Awards In Las Vegas
LeAnn Rimes got very choked up during her Patsy Cline tribute at the American Country Awards, which I’m pretty sure is a show LeAnn made up so she could do a Patsy Cline tribute. When she got to ‘Crazy’, she followed a bandmate’s advice to think about sex to keep herself from breaking down into tears. Thoughts of mounting Clint Black momentarily helped LeAnn keep her composure. But then LeAnn felt guilty imagining Clint so she started thinking about her current husband’s dong, and thoughts quickly turned to the nanny he was likely boning behind her back, and the damn burst forth with Rimes water. Later on LeAnn admitted that the advice probably works better for men who engage in sex with a cold and animal-like dispassion rather than an anorexic cyber-bully with trust issues.

Photo Credit: Getty

Leann Rimes Posts ‘Wrecker Service’ Photo On Instagram

By Lex October 23, 2013 @ 12:07 PM

Leann Rimes Posts 'Wrecker Service' Photo On Instagram
Men fight. Women feud. Fights last until somebody gets bloody. Feuds go on for fucking ever. Leann Rimes is still sticking it to Brandi Glanville that she stole (actually, paid for) her husband a few years back now. You see these two woman at soccer games for the stepkids and just know they want to rip the shit out of each other. But they won’t. That’d be a fight. A feud would be posting a photo of yourself mocking your homewrecker title and then telling everybody it’s just a joke, knowing that Brandi Glanville is probably chugging a bottle of Isopropyl alcohol out of the first-aid kit. Women love the fucking drama. It’s the reason they live longer, just to spite each other.

Photo Credit: Leann Rimes/Instagram

Leann Rimes Singing in a Bikini

By Lex August 16, 2013 @ 4:57 PM

Leann Rimes Posts Video Of Herself Singing In A Bikini
Leann Rimes has a new TV show coming out with her husband. It’s being referred to as a scripted reality show, so, basically, not a reality show at all. It follows the real life character of Leann, the husband she bought for three mules from drunken Brandi Glanville, and the stepkids from that previous marriage. Though Brandi and the stepkids are going to be portrayed by actors so that Leann can film herself taking shits on them and they have to sit there and take it if they want to lose their SAG benefits.

Here’s Leann in a bikini singing to her friend on her friend’s 40th birthday this week. She posted it on Vine to remind everybody how fucking annoying both she and Vine are.

LeAnn Rimes In A Bikini

By Lex June 21, 2013 @ 2:39 PM

LeAnn Rimes In A Bikini At The Beach In Los Angeles
There are two types of crazy. The kind where you’re mumbling in the streets pushing a shopping cart full of shredded plastic. And the kind where you’re a celebrity with enough draw and money to let your crazy leak out in little eccentric bursts. That’s Leann Rimes. The thoughts bubbling in her brain right now would scare you worse than the first time you watched The Exorcist in a completely darkened room. If she were shown Rorschach photos, she’d see ‘rat gnawing on bloody eyeball’ in every single image. She’s a deep well of dementia. Someday, she’s going to burst like Krakatoa. Until that time, she’ll just look good in a bikini and smile. That’s the tricky cover.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI