i heart lily allen, part 27

By brendon February 16, 2009 @ 1:35 PM

Lily Allen relaxed in the Bahamas on Friday (as seen above) but today she’s back on tour and back on Twitter.  In a response to the UK tabloid News of the World, who cited a Dutch newspaper and claimed Lily advocated parents giving their kids ecstasy, Lily wrote…

Phoning my lawyers and taking legal action, news of the world need a better dutch translator, as if I would say that. And they know it…

Perez of course rocked back and forth to push up off his frosting stained couch to write unfunny insults over this, even though she didn’t do it, part of his history of printing the worst stuff possible about her, regardless of whether or not those things are true.  Almost one year ago, he said his sources told him Lily was on her way to rehab.  Never happened.  He said his sources told him her new music sucked.  "It's Not Me It's You" debuted at number one, and "The Fear" is the number one single for the third week in a row.  He said his sources told him her record label was "livid" with her.  Hey guess who bought her this gold Rolex last week.

I'm not entirely sure what my point is to this.  I think I’m just trying to show off in front of Lily.  She can’t help but be impressed with my skill as a blogger, a talent on par with being able to stand still in front of a door to prop it open.

(picture source = splash news online)

i heart lily allen, part 26

By brendon February 13, 2009 @ 4:35 PM

Pictures like this are why people say a picture is worth a thousand words.  You can just look and tell Lily Allen was doing a radio interview and they asked about her third nipple and, even though she was wearing a dress, she didn’t even pause to hike that thing up and show them.   Most other girls aren’t like that.  They’re all stuck up.  You rarely get to see them take their clothes off at a moments notice.  Unless you pretend to be the cable guy and hide cameras in their bedroom.   Which is why I do that.

(picture source = splash news)

i heart lily allen, part 25

By brendon February 10, 2009 @ 2:19 PM

Today is boring as hell, and to perfectly illustrate that here is Lily Allen (her album is out today!) doing nothing this morning in New York.  Honest to god, fire-breathing dragons could take over the earth tonight and, when taken as a whole, it would still be the most painfully slow day I can remember. 

(picture source = splash)

i heart lily allen, part 24

By brendon February 03, 2009 @ 1:28 PM

Finally.  Jeez this took forever.  People kept sending me these links (thank you, by the way) but I could never find the pictures.  Until now.  Oh, I know, I bet you’re all just as giddy as I am to get more Lily Allen posts.  Eeeeeeeee!!!!!

Lily Allen clearly wasn't going for the shy and retiring look when she chose her latest stage outfit.  The Smile singer bared her bottom in an electric blue Little Bo Peep costume and stockings on the night it was revealed she had topped the charts with her new single
Lily wore the £395 Agent Provocateur Marine Sailor body with their Europa Blue hold-up stockings, £18, and lacy Cara briefs £60.
She teamed the outfit with a pair of towering beige platform heels and was presented with a cake at the event to celebrate her comeback single The Fear hitting the number one spot.

So, in summation, I don’t know why she wore this, but here are the pictures, and as we embark on this fantastic journey together, remember your training, and god speed.

i heart lily allen, part 23

By brendon February 03, 2009 @ 5:36 AM

The big news in London today is of course the record heat brought about by global warming.  Oh wait no.  I meant to say the heaviest snowfall in 18 years.    And even though Heathrow was brought to a standstill, hundreds of schools were closed and countless businesses took the day off, Lily Allen still found time to be adorable.  Pacific Coast says she “grabbed a coffee to go and had a snowball fight with photographers before heading to Primrose Hill for a trip on an improvised sledge.”

I never know what the hell British people are saying but I assume "sledge" means "riding a sled".  But really it could mean getting paddled for an hour and then drinking vinegar for all I know.  The Brits are pretty GD weird.

i heart lily allen, parts 21 and 22

By brendon January 22, 2009 @ 10:55 AM

Lily gets two Tyler Hearts for this one because that’s how many girls she made out with at once.  That’s my policy.  That’s how I bring it.  

"I did once snog these identical twins in San Diego," she said. "I was on the sofa and I had them both, I was dancing and shoving my arse on one of them and one on my front bottom. That's the only time, but I do have wet dreams – lesbian dreams – quite a lot"

So, she makes out with girls.  And she does anal.  And she dyes her hair pink.  What a friendly girl.  I just hope those twins were hot, because I don’t like it when ugly people make out.  I like pretty things.  It's why I cry every time I see a rainbow.