I HEART LILY ALLEN, PART 5

By brendon June 04, 2008 @ 9:10 AM

Finally some decent pictures of Lilly Allen drunk as hell last night, getting carried home by security after the Glamour Magazine Woman of the Year awards.  Hopefully these security guys are all gay.  Carrying home a passed out drunk girl can lead to some shenanigans.  I know this to be true first hand, but I won't divulge any details.  I'm sorry, but a gentleman doesn’t talk about that sort of thing.



I HEART LILY ALLEN, PART 4

By brendon June 04, 2008 @ 5:53 AM

I love Lily Allen because she’s always starting fights and getting drunk and she does anal, and last night she showed off her new pink hair (which is fuckin sexy.  more chicks should get pink or orange or blood red hair) before winning the Editors Speacial Award at the Glamour Magazine Woman of the Year Awards.  Then she got so drunk she had to be carried home and put to bed by her brother.  This crazy bitch rules.  The Sun UK says…

Hungover Lily is paying the price for her heavy boozing today, admitting she’s feeling “awful” after her “embarrassing” display at the London event.
She credits her brother ALFIE with getting her safely tucked up in bed, although he was also drunk, telling fans on her MySpace site that she was too hammered to navigate her own way back home.
She wrote: “Oh dear. Last time I wrote here, I was defending my honour and dignity, explaining my innocence and also outrage at the press for insinuating my behaviour was embarrassing.
“This time I'm putting my hands up. I got very drunk last night, too drunk. It’s not cool getting that drunk. I feel awful and I have to thank my little brother Alf for getting me home safely."
And Lily is hoping her wild behaviour will convince children of the evils of alcohol.
She added: “Kids, drink responsibly or you'll end up looking like this – not pretty!
"Was quite fun though, from what I can remember. Need fry up now.”

Lily is sending a mixed message there, but she’s also right.  Drinking is fun, but it can also be ugly.  The first 5 hours are awesome, but then you wake up 4 days later covered in someone else’s blood and you have to burn down the high school to hide the evidence and nine months later some kid is born with hanger scars all over his forehead and despite your claims that he’s some kind of magic Harry Potter-esque messiah everyone knows the awful truth.  Oh well.  Such is life, yes?

(picture source = splash news online)



I HEART LILY ALLEN, PART 3

By brendon May 20, 2008 @ 6:19 AM

Lily Allen’s drunken naked antics have won her a special place in my heart, but apparently the same cant be said for millionaire F1 owner Flavio Briatore.  The Sun says…

LILY ALLEN is making an almighty splash in Cannes. She was booted off Formula 1 boss FLAVIO BRIATORE’s yacht after some spectacular boozy behaviour.
Lil ripped off her bikini top and threw herself off the side of the boat in a moment of drunken excitement. The crew had to fish her out of the Med because she looked like she was about to drown.
Once she was back on board red-faced Flavio covered her up with her dress because he was embarrassed by her inappropriate antics. Then she was told, in no uncertain terms, it might be best to retire for the evening.

In Flavios defense, it's annoying when a drunk naked girl dies on your yacht.  Unless you’re a few miles off the coast and no one else is around.  Then it's not so bad.

I HEART LILY ALLEN, PART 2

By brendon May 14, 2008 @ 9:11 AM

The Cannes Film Festival begins this week, and Lily Allen is there for some reason that I neither know nor care about because she went swimming topless.  For some reason I think this chick is awesome even though she’s 40 pounds overweight and I hate her stupid blond hair.  And by “for some reason”, I mean, “tits!”

(picture source = splash news online)



OH NO

By brendon January 18, 2008 @ 9:08 AM

The Sun UK reports today that Lily Allen, pregnant since around mid November, has lost her baby.  Not literally, of course.  She had a miscarriage.

Singer Lily, 22, and boyfriend Ed Simons, 37, were last night being comforted by family and friends after she had a miscarriage.
Lily and the Chemical Brothers star had just returned home after a romantic holiday in the Maldives when she tragically lost her baby.
A source said: “Lily and Ed are in a state of shock.
“The bad news has been really difficult for them to take and they are absolutely heartbroken.
“Lily’s entire outlook on life changed after she found out she was pregnant. She was looking forward to being a mum and starting a family with Ed.
“She had turned her back on her party girl image and had turned over a new leaf.
“They are surrounded by friends and family are offering support. It is a really difficult time for them.”

Well this is just awful.  Lily Allen is cool and there’s nothing funny about a miscarriage.  Unless they had a miscarriage because someone hit them in the face with a pie and then they slipped on a banana peel and then someone said, "Wakka Wakka Wakka!"  I guess that would be a little funny.  "Wakka Wakka Wakka" is comedy gold.  It just works.

I HEART LILY ALLEN

By brendon January 02, 2008 @ 9:15 AM

I knew I liked Lily Allen.

Lilly Allen has admitted she has anal sex with her boyfriend Ed Simons.
The pop star made the shocking revelation to her father after he questioned whether she had slept with the 37-year-old.
Lily, the daughter of actor Keith Allen, said: "I was with mum, dad, his wife and my sister. We were all sitting round and I said my nipples really hurt today.'  My dad's wife said maybe you're pregnant. I said no I'm not pregnant and my dad went: 'Are you telling me you and your boyfriend haven't had sex?'  I said: 'Well yes but I didn't think you could have sex by having it in the bum bum!' "

When asked for a comment, her dad said absolutely nothing, because right after this he got up from the breakfast table where his daughter was detailing her anal adventures and blew his fucking brains out.