LILY ALLEN MAKES LIKE PROM BABY

By brendon August 19, 2007 @ 8:19 AM

Alternate caption: British people dress stupid. 

Tri-nipular singer Lily Allen, who already holds a special place in my heart for being able to pronounce the word "twat" in such a way that it rhymes with "cat", further endeared herself by getting so butthoused that she thought it'd be a great idea to have her friends carry her around in a giant shopping bag.  You know, to avoid paparazzi.

British people are so polite.  I always hope my friends are going to carry me around like that after I get hammered, but usually I just wake up smelling like balls with "fartknocker" written on my eyelids in sharpie.

Also, I think her stylist has Down Syndrome.  Or her stylist thinks Lily has Down Syndrome.  One of the two. 



LILY ALLEN IS FUN

By brendon July 17, 2007 @ 2:50 PM

Lily Allen is vacationing this week in Koh Samui, which is Thailands third largest island, and either I got rebuilt by the government with x-ray vision during my nap or she went swimming topless.  I hope it's the first one, because I think it would be cool to have x-ray vision.  I'd be like Superman, only with less saving people and way more hanging out at the mall and masturbating.

(go here for the non-white-block version)



LILY ALLEN HAS THREE

By brendon July 16, 2007 @ 12:53 PM

Lily Allen is pretty much the coolest chick in the world, and she doesn't seem to mind pulling her shirt down when the topic of conversation turns to nipples.  Just like your mom, like that time when she licked her finger and then ran her hands down and told me she had sensitive breasts.  I must confess, I thought it was a little inappropriate. 

LILY ALLEN IS MY HERO

By brendon October 24, 2006 @ 10:44 AM

Lily Allen is my new hero, and this is her new video, which is good timing because I overslept and need to post something so it looks like I’m working.  She looks freakin adorable here.  But still kinda 12.  After "LDN", If they could issue Amber Alerts based on how many times you watch a video, I might be in trouble.  

A reminder why she’s my idol here, and now her thoughts on Peaches Geldof, even though I barely know who that is.  I assume she's a big deal in England.

"I would kick her over then kick her even harder when she was down… I would probably like, stamp on my can of Magners and then stab her in the ear.  She (Peaches) did this documentary about Islam and it was really awful … What do you know about Islam you useless oaf?"



LILY ALLEN IS F’N FANTASTIC

By brendon October 23, 2006 @ 10:03 AM

If you don't know Lily Allen yet, your life isn't as happy as it could be.  Not only does she make the happiest music you'll ever hear about having her ex boyfriend beaten up and little old ladies maybe or maybe not getting killed by muggers, she's also the only one in music who makes any damn sense.  In an interview win this months Brit GQ, she was asked who the most overrated person in pop music history is.  Lily says:

"Madonna.  I haven't got anything against her at all but she hasn't done anything since the early eighties that has been like 'wow'.  She might have meant something once but I don't know anyone my age who cares."

On Pete Doherty:

"I do think he needs to be exterminated.  It's a bit dull, isn't it."  

Her thoughts on Paris Hilton:

"People like her are useless … She's hideously untalented. Her music is auto-tuned. You can hear it. I know because my sister saw her in Ibiza and said it was the worst thing she had ever heard.  I worked for two and a half years writing my album … I find it hideous that she's come in and not worked for it at all."

And the Pussycat Dolls:

"They're too skinny, takes all their clothes off, don't say anything, promote womanizing and look like lapdancers as far as I’m concerned.  It's a really bad message to be sending young women.  And not just for young women – but for young men. For them to believe that that’s what women are like in real life in such a hideous concept to sell to people. It's just terrible".

For some reason Lily isn’t huge here in the Colonies yet, but at least we don't call our cops "bobbies", so take that England.  You can hear Lilys latest single "LDN" here, see her myspace here.  Her dad was a famous comedian, but just like me she spent a lot of time on the streets, and that's where she got her edge.  Except, in my case, replace the word "streets" with "all white country club" and "edge" with "curly fries".  Polo club represent, yo.