Judge Stephanie Sautner was in no mood for Lindsay Lohans endless parade of excuses during her progress report today, and she was awesomely sarcastic from start to finish before revoking Lindsays probation, setting her bail at $100,000 (the max allowed), and setting a hearing to establish her punishment on November 2nd. Lohan was then led off in handcuffs and taken into custody to wait for her bond to be paid. It should come as no surprise that Lindsay actually brought her own bondsman to the court house. At this point he’s probably one of Lindsays best friends.
(image = getty)
Lindsay Lohan will be back in court today at 10 am on the west coast for a progress report on her probation, which should be entertaining as hell considering she skipped 9 scheduled appointments to do her community service at a women’s shelter and then had to be reassigned because she didn’t find it, in her words, “fulfilling”.
As for pissing off the judge, we’ve learned there’s something in the Probation report that will probably do just that. Lindsay’s probation officer wrote that Lindsay had problems with the Women’s Center, because it was “not fulfilling.” One more time — Lindsay complained the Woman’s Center was “NOT FULFILLING.”
None of which means she’ll be going to jail today apparently. At worst her probation will be revoked, she’ll be bonded out almost immediately, and she’ll have a hearing set for the judge to determine if she should go to jail. What an inspirational story of redemption this has been.
Lindsay Lohan will likely not be in any trouble whatsoever at her probation hearing tomorrow, because she has done enough, barely, to comply with HOLY FUCK THAT’S AN ALBINO SHARK WITH ONE EYE!!
A fisherman has discovered what appears to be an albino cyclops shark with a single eye in the centre of its face - and scientists say it’s real. The cyclops fetus was cut from the belly of a pregnant bull shark caught in the Gulf of California. Shark researchers who have examined the creature say it is genuine and not a fake - although it is unlikely it would have survived the birth.
My greatest hope right now is that this will not be the only use I ever get out of the “albino cyclops shark” tag. That thing is bad ass! It’s the kind of shark you see in those fantasy posters where George Washington has two of them on a leash and he’s riding them like water skis.
(source = pacific coast news)
Lindsay Lohan has to go to court Wednesday for a progress report on her probation, which should be awesome considering she hasn’t done shit. And since “hasn’t done shit” is a clear violation of the judges orders, TMZ says she could get over a year in jail.
Of course we’ve heard this a hundred times before, and nothing ever seems to happen to her. The .gif of LeSean McCoy punching Andy Reid in his fat stomach yesterday is here to illustrate that (slow motion version over on deadspin). Andy Reid is all of us in this scenario, and LeSean McCoy is Justice. He’s supposed to be on our side but then he just sucker punches us in the stomach for no reason (*). Then again, fuck Andy Reid. This and a 2-4 record is what you get for giving the dog killer 100 million dollars. Reap what you sow, fat ass!
(*) to which Andy replied, “Don’t make me run, I’m full of chocolate!”
In a stunning turn of events that no one could have predicted, Lindsay Lohan has violated the terms of her probation in at least two separate ways:
1. She was ordered to serve 360 hours of community service at the Downtown Women’s Center in LA. She was told to not be disruptive, to be punctual, and to serve at least 4 hours at a time. Instead she skipped at least 9 scheduled appointments and often left after just one hour.
2. She was ordered to see a psychologist at least once a week. Try and guess if she’s done that.
Lindsay is due back in court next week for a progress report with the judge, who will then be told that Lindsay has only completed 21 of the 360 hours, leaving her 7 months to finish the other 339. Her defense will be that she had to leave the country a lot for work, which seems pretty reasonable. You can see why an actress would need to leave Hollywood to find work. She’d literally starve to death if she were stuck in LA.
(source = tmz and tmz and splash)
Lindsay Lohan was at some party for ‘Saints Row: The Third’ last night in Hollywood, and you can now scratch “mouth” and “hands” off the list of ways you might still let Lindsay Lohan get you off. Obviously “vagina” has been off the list for years. I’d rather still my dick in a jar of bees. If nothing else the bees wouldn’t go through my wallet first chance they got.
(image source = inf)
