The Lindsay Lohan Sex List Is Here

By Lex March 12, 2014 @ 3:32 PM

How many times have you been out with your friends pretending not to drink because you’re on probation and you ended up writing down a list of everybody you’ve ever doinked on lined pre-numbered paper? Yeah, same here. But Lindsay Lohan did. Then casually tossed it aside at the Beverly Hills Hotel where she was with her girlfriends pretending not to drink. Her list includes the names Adam Levine, Justin Timberlake, Wilmer What’s His Face, Colin Ferrell, and Zac Efron, from when he still liked girls. We kind of knew most of this. Then there’s a bunch of names blurred out by InTouch, presumably because they’re civilians, or just prime extortion candidates for the struggling magazine. Either way, when your name appears on a list confirming you as Eskimo brothers with Colin Farrell, it’s probably time to get a shot or tourniquet your penis in some manner. I suppose you could view the discovery of this crumpled up list as merely coincidentally timed to the debut of Lindsay’s crazy boring new reality show on the Fat Oprah Network. If you were a moron.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

Oprah Told Lindsay Lohan To ‘Cut The Bullshit’ (VIDEO)

By Travis March 05, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

In the first full trailer for Queen Oprah’s ultimate spin machine ‘docu-series’, Lindsay, the former talk show host and current network head learns what everyone already knew about Lindsay Lohan – that she’s a spoiled, misguided, arrogant has-been. But Oprah thinks that the actress deserves yet another chance, because there’s a huge chunk of the public that loves watching a former child star continuously trip over her own stupid errors and blow every last opportunity that she receives. In addition to watching Dina Lohan pretend that she’s mom of the year while Michael Lohan takes the direct blame, Lindsay’s sober coach tells the camera that she’s still not sober, so Oprah has to board her chariot and take matters into her own hands to tell Lindsay to knock her spoiled baby bullshit off. Honestly, it looks pretty decent.

Lindsay Does Coke Without Her Mom

By Jack February 19, 2014 @ 1:41 PM

Lindsay Lohan had her lawyers threaten Fox News after they claimed that she did cocaine with her mom Dina Lohan. It all started when Fox News twat witch Michelle Fields discussed Lohan on a show about celebrity drug abuse and famous people who had OD’d. She made the claim that Lindsay and Dina snort lines of blow like other moms and daughter go to brunch and do a little shopping. The letter that Lindsay had her bulldog lawyers send demanded a retraction and an apology from the channel for making statements based on hearsay:

“During the show’s broadcast, she inappropriately and shockingly stated, unequivocally and as a matter of fact, that ‘Lindsay Lohan’s mom is doing cocaine with her’ – which statement is false…We demand immediate broadcast and publication of an apology and retraction, in as prominent a broadcast and publication fashion as the original… in order to try to mitigate the substantial damages.”

The letter also took issue with Lindsay being included on a show about Hollywood celebs that had died of drug abuse because Lindsay has only almost died from substance abuse. I can only imagine how shocking this was. And the claim that Lindsay Lohan would ever let her mom hork her blow. Not likely. Just the notion that you’d call a drunk driving psychologically damaged stage mom a cocaine user is insane. You might as well call a burglar a larcenist. Your reputation is your most valuable asset. Thank god for attorneys keeping Dina’s unblemished.

Lindsay Lohan Is a Filmmaker

By Lex January 21, 2014 @ 7:31 PM

Lindsay Lohan Attends A Press Conference During The Sundance Film Festival In Park City, Utah
Lindsay Lohan’s set to produce and star in the new psychological thriller, Inconceivable. By psychological thriller I mean that it has no director, no cast besides Lindsay, and all that Lindsay will say is that it’s about a woman trying to reclaim something she lost. I read that as there’s also no script. But it is being shepherded by Randall Emmett who has produced over 80 films in the past decade, two of which I’ve heard of before. Randall joined Lindsay at Sundance for the announcement of this bold cinematic venture. He upped his credibility instantly by calling Lindsay one of the greatest young actresses of her generation. This is the first time Lindsay will be serving as producer on a film. She’s already begun emailing actresses to be in it with her, going in order of whose email she can find on Google. She also asked her mom to make sandwiches for the crew and asked her little sister not to starve herself to death during the filming as she needs total concentration.

Photo Credit: Getty

Lindsay Lohan Is The New Queen Of England

By Travis January 15, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

We teach children not to feed wild animals because they can become dependent on humans as a food source and it fucks up the whole circle of life. Consider Lindsay Lohan a rabid, tired-looking raccoon and the London police are a stupid little kid that just gave her a giant platter of lobster. Three nights ago, police in London reportedly provided a free escort for Lindsay and her male companion for their night out, which seemed a bit preposterous for a washed up 27-year old with the voice of one of those awful anti-smoking ads. But according to WENN, the police were back last night to play security detail for Lindsay, with at least six officers standing by to make sure she and her friends could drive as fast as they wanted.

The only way this is acceptable is if the police figured wasting all of this money and manpower on one stupid girl was necessary to avoid pedestrian deaths from inevitable drunk driving, or if they’re going to plant cocaine on her. Either way, she’s London’s problem now, no take backs.

Photo Credits: Will Alexander/

Lindsay Lohan Is The Most Important Person In London

By Travis January 13, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Still clearly devastated over the “theft” of her laptop that contained a bunch of naked pictures of her that we’ll probably see in the next week or so, Lindsay Lohan spent the weekend in London, and even hit the town with an unknown male friend on Saturday night. No big deal, sure, except that Lindsay and her friend called the local police to provide them an escort and make the paparazzi stop taking their pictures. The cops reportedly blocked traffic for 10 minutes while Lindsay walked out of the house, almost exposing her crotch, and got in her car, before following her car to ensure her safety. Criticism aside, the world already suffered from the loss of Princess Di under similar circumstances, so it’s better safe than sorry with this equally important angel of a woman.

Photo Credits: Will Alexander/