Lindsay Is Going To Die At Coachella

By Steve G. April 08, 2013 @ 2:49 PM

Lindsay is in a very dark place right now, and I’m absolutely scared for her life. Coachella is the last place she needs to be. For someone struggling with addiction, like Lindsay, the amount of drugs and alcohol at Coachella is just a recipe for disaster waiting to happen. I know because I have been to the VIP tent at Coachella in the past. — Claus,a celebrity promoter friend of Lindsay’s to Radar Online

Listen, Claus, if Lindsay actually wanted to she could have gotten help by now, but she doesn’t because she loves the attention in some fucked up manner. She’s a lost cause. It’s a cold world and people need to stop showing they care about her if she continues to be a dog smear on everybody else’s lives and good times. There’s nothing worse than trying to hang out and then you get stuck babysitting the coked out corpse in the corner. Hell man, you went inside the VIP tent at Coachella that one time. You’re a player.  Try to do it again with some other friends who aren’t total fuckup buzzkills. Leave Lindsay to her own devices. If she dies, she dies. Then it’s on the grounds crew to sweep away her stiff lifeless body with the rest of the garbage. She shouldn’t be your problem anymore.

Somehow, Lindsay keeps living. Here’s a quote from the Enquirer story on Lindsay six freaking years ago at Coachella:

[At Coachella] Lindsay bought six tablets of Ecstasy - three with an imprint of a blue Smurf and three with a pink diamond. She also bought an eight-ball of cocaine (about 3½ grams). Lindsay did line after line of coke all weekend. She was always the last one to leave all-night parties because she was still flying high.

One morning she ordered a $400 breakfast; two bottles of Ketel One vodka, one bottle of Belvedere vodka and a bottle of Patron tequila. Since that weekend, Lindsay has been drifting a near-24/7 haze.

Lindsay crushed Ecstasy into the coke and snorted it to get a hardcore rush. Her favorite alcohol is vodka. She pours it into a 16-oz. water bottle and drinks it straight or mixed with some soda. But she also drinks tequila and champagne.

Lindsay abides.

Lindsay Lohan Likes it Rough

By Sophie April 03, 2013 @ 1:07 PM


During her pre-rehab party down in Brazil (and why not South America when you’re battling drug and alcohol addiction) Lindsay Lohan was photographed on a beach in a boring floppy blue bikini with her thighs riddled with some nasty looking bruises. Now I’m not one to judge, I often play a game I like to call “Ambien bruise or sex bruise?”  Who doesn’t like some chemical exploration and rough sex every now and then, but I get the feeling Lindsay’s bruise stories would drink mine under the table, literally.

Either she got those injuries hiding under a table on the floor of a Brazilian nightclub S-ing some serious D or it was later in her hotel room when a butterscotch Brazilian blow dealer was forcibly grabbing her legs balls deep in some unconscious Lindsay poonani.

I’d say good for you girl, live it up before rehab. Considering she’s already making negotiations to be allowed Adderall during her mandated rehab stint, she’ll probably also weasel her way into spending the time at one of those spa rehabs in Thailand where they have massages on the beach. So this time she’s spending in Brazil isn’t so much a pre-rehab party, as rather a pre-rehab warmup, just to get acquainted with her upcoming surroundings.

Lindsay Lohan Sucks at April Fools

By Bobby J April 02, 2013 @ 3:32 PM

Lindsay Lohan Tweeted a funny April Fool’s prank about being pregnant. Of course, she Tweeted on April 2nd. And, no, that’s not some sort of April Fool’s meta-genius. That’s getting a funny idea for a practical joke on April 1 and then being too high to Tweet until April 2. Of course the real joke here is Lindsay actually has six million people following her on Twitter. But Kim Kardashian has seventeen million. Which just goes to show you that Twitter is a social media platform designed to reward the stupid and slutty. And, trust me, you need to be both. Which is why I’m still at eleven followers.

Lindsay Lohan Boob Falls Out So She Hides Under a Table

By Lex April 02, 2013 @ 2:44 PM

Lindsay Lohan is on the 25th hour of freedom before they take away her booze for 90 days. So she did what any drug-addled girl would do. She flew down to Brazil, let her boob fall out of her dress getting off a helicopter, hit the clubs, then hid under a table when the demons of her soul came looking for her. A day in the life.

Photo credit: AKM/GSI

Lindsay Lohan: Master Thief?

By Jack March 29, 2013 @ 1:54 PM

Lindsay Lohan is apparently now stealing shit from production sets. It seems that while she was working on Anger Management she just walked off the set with a bunch of jewelry and clothes. She claims that the costumer told her that it was fine and that they would just deduct it from her salary. The problem is that both the costumer and the producers are saying that’s bullshit.

Sometimes actors are allowed to keep their wardrobe but it’s almost always written into their contract. Besides the costs, they won’t let you take shit off the set while they are filming is because they might need to do re-shoots. When Lindsay leaves it on the floor of a vomit covered nightclub’s floor, they have to buy all new stuff. Is this bitch really this stupid? People are working with her at this point out of pity, which is how she got the Anger Management job from Charlie Sheen. Now producers not only have to be wary of the money they are going to lose from her not showing up anywhere close to on time and having to do a million takes because she’s high but also that she’s going to steal her wardrobe. It’s just possible her career might be in trouble.

Lindsay Lohan Braless Knockers Knock Back a Last Few

By Lex March 25, 2013 @ 12:29 PM


When the media reports on Lindsay Lohan and her constant troubles with drugs and alcohol, they like to use terms like ‘troubled’ or ‘party-girl’ or ‘wayward’. Like she’s a high school honor student who fell into the wrong crowd and came home with Natty Light on her breath in the first act of an after-school special. What about just calling her a freaking ‘addict’? A wired-to-the-core junkie with an insatiable desire to self-medicate through whatever illicit substance she can pour into her pie-hole, snuff up her nose, or rapidly yearn into her snatch. I suppose ‘wayward’ is more economical, and less harsh, but also completely dishonest.

Lindsay was spotted knocking back vodka out of an unmarked carafe at a local watering hole not long after her guilty plea to her latest criminal charges and yet another court mandated rehab stint. Which means 90-days before Lindsay is allowed to return to her blessed drugs. Which she will. Because she’s ‘wayward’.

Photo credit: GSI