"Hmm, I don't want anyone to know I'm buying lingerie at Agent Provocateur, how can I hide that fact…"
11.03.2006 LINDSAY LOHAN HAS A SEX TAPE?
For about a week now, a website called 'scenesfromacar' has offered what they claim to be the audio of a sex act featuring a well known star, who they describe only as “a regular in US Weekly, high seven figure salary per film“. That star is Lindsay Lohan. Or maybe not. But probably. Just do the math, man. The site says:
It all started when I was walking near the sound tent and my buddy waived me over, smiling and chuckling to himself. He handed me a pair of headphones and informed me that (the actresses) mic was still on … she gets into a vehicle and shares some sweet talk with a guy. I thought she had a boyfriend, but I don’t recognize this guy’s voice … There is some rustling, then the vehicle door opens … She reclines the seat and gets back in. Skip ahead, here is some more sweet talk, then some more rustling, then they start kissing and so forth … THEN, for twelve minutes and forty seven seconds, she gives him the sexiest blow job I have ever heard capped off by the words “Yeah, cum”.
Lindsays legend lives on! I didn't post this last week after brave brave Robert valiantly braved a series of dangerous tasks, each more grueling than the last, and sent it in, because I was hoping to hear back from the website after several emails. I never did, so who knows if this is even real. All we know for sure is that this is 100 percent real and that it is Lindsay Lohan. Man, she sure does love fuckin people. Her lungs must be amazing at this point. In fact I heard she can survive underwater for three days.
(btw, told you Linds was getting tubby. Someone needs to get back on the coke. Or start wearing stripes. And I don't mean vertical stripes, I mean racing stripes, maybe that will help her move faster and lose that double chin.)
SUPER SEXY UPDATE - Whatever you do, don't play reader Comron in poker. The dude is like a deductive genius or something. He points out that the clue on the page might mean the girl in the tape isn't Lindsay, but maybe Scarlett Johansson, another girl who fit's the bill and has a very distinctive voice Comron writes, "At the bottom of the page it says, 'For those that wanted a hint (infer what you will from this)'. Then it shows a red A. A red 'A' is the Scarlet letter."
11.02.2006 LINDSAY LOHAN LOVES ANIMALS
Is it just me or is Lindsay lookin a little tubby, here in this picture two nights ago on her way to a bachelor Halloween party. Not even her giant ears can distract me. Oh, jeez, I hope she didn’t hear that. And it might not have been the greatest idea in the world to dye your hair black and then wear all black if your this pale. She looks like a slutty panda bear.
10.30.2006 HOLLYWOOD HALLOWEEN, PART 1
Hollywood held its first few Halloween parties over the weekend, and all the usual attention whores found their way in front of the cameras. Lindsay Lohan was inspired by … umm, camel toe jokes, Haylie Duff went dressed as someone who just told a lie, and she and her sister found time to take pictures with … some dude. Probably a real UPS man, but they don't know what that is, so they dragged him onto the red carpet. Paris Hilton - gee here's a fuckin surprise - went dressed as a whore. Someone asked her what Halloween party she was going to and she said, "what's Halloween?" (zing!)
10.17.2006 LINDSAY LOHAN IS AN IDIOT
Even though just a few weeks ago, Nikki Hilton once again taunted Lindsay Lohan by calling her "firecrotch", Lohan has decided to be friends with Paris Hilton again, and the two even got a room together at the Palms over weekend in Vegas. Page Six says:
On Saturday night, the terrible twosome arrived arm-in-arm to Michelle Trachtenberg's 21st birthday party at Tao and spent the night signing autographs for fans and whispering to each other. Then the ditzy duo retired to the $25,000-a- night Sky Villa at the Palms - for a pillow fight, no doubt.
At some point you stop feeling sorry for people who continuously put themselves in a position where the only possible outcome is that they get abused. Like girls who say, "my boyfriend likes to run me over with his car, should I leave him or maybe just buy a suit of armor? Like the one Heath Ledger wore in 'Knights Tale'.“
10.11.2006 EVERYONE HATES RUSSELL CROWE
The always great Radar Online has their Hollywood poll up now, the end result of black-op undercover work to get the true feelings of "more than 50 top power players: studio execs, high-level agents from every major firm, and dozens of A-list producers, directors, managers, screenwriters, and publicists. These are people who have run studios, released blockbusters, won Oscars." So, you know, powerful people. The kind of people who commission snuff films. Some of the highlights from the poll:
The Nightmare Actor : Russell Crowe won big here. One producer said, "Some incident can occur and he won’t show up on set for the next week—and you're screwed." A studio head said, "Russell is an unhappy guy. His process is difficult. You have to talk him through everything, and he always has an opinion. He thinks he's smarter than everybody else." Crowe beat out Lindsay Lohan and Jim Carrey, who one source described as "depressed and weird."
The Most Sought After Actor : Brad Pitt and Will Smith top the list, with Pitt described as "charming, talented, handsome, and has international appeal." Will Smith is in demand for his ability to make a hit from almost anything. One source said, "I mean, you couldn't get a movie much worse than 'I, Robot', and it did giant business."
The Biggest Hack Director : Brett Ratner. Second place wasn't even mentioned here, the "X-Men 3" director won and it wasn't even close. His success "reflects more on his ability to kiss ass than any actual talent."
The Blogger With Million Dollar Abs And A Twinkle In His Eye : well, technically, Radar didn't address this hot button issue, clearly afraid of the swooning that would be sure to follow if they mentioned me with any ladies in the room.
see the whole list here. (I can't remember who but someone made the point about X3 that, in the first XMen, Magneto couldn't escape from a plastic prison with metal about 30 yards away. in Ratners X3, Magneto could pick up the golden gate bridge. hey continuity - fuck you.)
