Lindsay Lohan is an actual prostitute now

By brendon January 03, 2013 @ 2:25 PM

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In hindsight, to be fair, just because a manager arranges to send a girl on dates with strange men doesn’t mean the girl is a prostitute. They’re sometimes called “escorts” or “sex workers”.

Now we know why Lindsay Lohan broke her promise to stay in for a quiet New Year’s Eve and instead went partying in London.
She collected at least $100,000 to celebrate with Brunei’s Haji Abdul Azim. Known worldwide as Prince Azim, he throws some of the wildest, most lavish bashes ever, topped off with gift bags stuffed with expensive party favors like iPads and jewelry dripping with diamonds.
Lohan, who claimed to be planning a dinner at home on Monday night, had the party on her schedule for a while, says an insider.

Of course that doesn’t mean she lied. Maybe she just had a cold. When your congested, “flying to London for a lavish party” can sound like “spending a quiet night at home.” It’s a very reasonable misunderstanding.

(source = daily news. image source = bauer griffin)

Lindsay is being framed for trashing a trailer. Again.

By brendon December 19, 2012 @ 2:49 PM

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Just like when someone (not her of course) trashed her trailer on the set of ‘Liz and Dick’, someone trashed Lindsay Lohans trailer on the set of ‘Scary Movie 5′, and then made it look like she did it. It’s appalling, this poor girl has been framed several hundred times now.

But this time, Detective Lindsay is on the case, and she knows what dastardly fiend is behind it

Lindsay Lohan says she’s been framed (and that the trailer) was trashed when she got there, and producers retaliated because they were pissed off she was a no-show for the first day of shooting.
We’re told when she arrived, the trailer was a disaster — the shower and toilet were not working … and she had to do her biz in adjoining trailers.
It was only after the shoot that Lindsay was accused of wreaking plumbing havoc and told she would not get her full paycheck … to cover repair costs.

Yes because that’s what producers do when they’re mad at someone. They destroy their own property. One time a producer called me and said he kidnapped his wife, and I thought he was bluffing but then he told me he was holding up a stick of dynamite. I was so scared I had no choice but to do what he said.

Lindsay clogged the toilets on the set of ‘Scary Movie’

By brendon December 18, 2012 @ 5:51 PM

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I don’t actually believe any of this, but Lindsay Lohan is a mean selfish bitch so screw her.

Lohan clogged the toilet in her trailer, which prompted all the other bathrooms on the movie’s Atlanta lot to stop working for two days. A source (said) that “everything got so messy” and took more than two days to clean up, during which time production fell behind schedule.
“And let’s just put it this way: She didn’t win over any new fans among her co-stars or the crew,” the source said.

Well, not this way, no. Blowing them, however, really went a long way, and proved to be quite an effective ice-breaker.

Lindsay can be hired for private parties now

By brendon December 17, 2012 @ 5:45 PM

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This seems unlikely even for her, but the New York Post says you can hire Lindsay Lohan to appear at your next wedding, birthday, corporate event, or any other event that you want to have clumsily robbed.

Page Six received an email pitch from 123Talent with the subject line “Book One of Hollywood’s Biggest Movie Stars Lindsay Lohan Now!” offering us the opportunity to request the presence of Lohan herself at whatever event or venue.
In bright pink lettering, the email reminds us that “Not only is Lindsay an Actress but she is also a Fashion Designer, Model and Recording Artist.”

So this sounds like bullshit because, for one, I’ve never heard of 123Talent, and two, Lindsay will attend anything with an open bar anyway, regardless of wether or not you hire her, or invite her, or have security throw her out.

a strip club will pay off Lindsays debt

By brendon December 14, 2012 @ 5:38 PM

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Scrores strip club in New York is offering to pay the $16,000 Lindsay Lohan owes on her storage locker, which will be put up for auction if she can’t pay, and the rent on her house in Beverly Hills for the next few months, in exchange for hosting an online chat on their website.

And they don’t even want her to strip, which is understandable at this point.

Hopefully she says yes because it’ll show how desperate she is. By this time next year, for $5,000, she’ll wear a horse mask and let you shoot her with a paintball gun.

Lindsay had her probation revoked, is free to go

By brendon December 12, 2012 @ 1:32 PM

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Lindsay Lohan had her probation (the one she got for robbing that jewelry store) revoked this morning at a hearing accusing her of lying to police after her car crash in June. So someone should tell her that when she wakes up in a few hours because she wasn’t even in court today (apparently it wasn’t mandatory), and now there’s another hearing for this exact same thing on January 15th.

Assuming of course she’s not in jail in New York after her court date there on January 7th for assault.

Knowing Lindsay, she’ll skate on both, whereas a non-famous person would have been sentenced to fight some other criminal to the death in an abandoned swimming pool by now.