Charlie Sheen was on The Tonight Show on Wednesday to promote his new film, Scary Movie 5, in theaters today, and the conversation quickly turned to his strange friendship with Lindsay Lohan. Sheen helped Lohan out last year by loaning her six figures to pay her back taxes, because that’s the kind of thing a 47-year old man does for a 26-year girl with no strings attached.
But the big question for Sheen, who co-stars with Lohan in Scary Movie 5, was whether or not Lohan behaved herself on the set of his show, Anger Management, on which she appears in an upcoming episode. The answer, of course, is no. Hell no. He basically accused her of hijacking the show and stealing more jewelry. In fact, he might as well have just accused her of giving him herpes. Sure, we’d laugh and say, “Yeah, she gave you herpes” but hey, it was worth a shot.
Lindsay Lohan appeared on the Late Show yesterday for an incredibly awkward interview with David Letterman to promote Scary Movie 5. Letterman skipped over any talk of the movie that couldn’t even manage to coax a single Wayans brother into appearing and jumped immediately into questioning how she is legally still allowed to walk the streets. And while fleeing from the studio after dodging every question with a stock answer she somehow managed to make herself look presentable for once. Appearing less bloated than usual and wearing a smile as wide as her lifeless botoxed face would allow in anticipation of the celebratory post show drug run.
Manhattan hotel mogul Vikram Chatwal was arrested in the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport last week when he was found with a crotch full of heroin, ketamine, marijuana, and an array of pills including Ativan and Xanax.
Chatwal is the creepy dude Lohan was photographed kissing and snorting something off a table with before her head disappeared down and out of camera shot back in 2011 at his apartment (even though the dude is married, the Clintons attended his wedding, thats proper). What a fucking tool. Who the hell feels the need to smuggle drugs on a plane into Florida? I’m not a millionaire hotel magnate, I’m a broke-ass writer, and I could find all the drugs he had taped to the underside of his junk within 24 hours of entering the Sunshine State.
Chatwal was charged with eight drug counts and faces a minimum of three years in jail, as friends urge him to enter rehab to seek help. Why don’t friends ever urge you to figure out a smarter way to get your dick blown by Lindsay Lohan?
Lindsay is in a very dark place right now, and I’m absolutely scared for her life. Coachella is the last place she needs to be. For someone struggling with addiction, like Lindsay, the amount of drugs and alcohol at Coachella is just a recipe for disaster waiting to happen. I know because I have been to the VIP tent at Coachella in the past. — Claus,a celebrity promoter friend of Lindsay’s to Radar Online
Listen, Claus, if Lindsay actually wanted to she could have gotten help by now, but she doesn’t because she loves the attention in some fucked up manner. She’s a lost cause. It’s a cold world and people need to stop showing they care about her if she continues to be a dog smear on everybody else’s lives and good times. There’s nothing worse than trying to hang out and then you get stuck babysitting the coked out corpse in the corner. Hell man, you went inside the VIP tent at Coachella that one time. You’re a player. Try to do it again with some other friends who aren’t total fuckup buzzkills. Leave Lindsay to her own devices. If she dies, she dies. Then it’s on the grounds crew to sweep away her stiff lifeless body with the rest of the garbage. She shouldn’t be your problem anymore.
Somehow, Lindsay keeps living. Here’s a quote from the Enquirer story on Lindsay six freaking years ago at Coachella:
[At Coachella] Lindsay bought six tablets of Ecstasy - three with an imprint of a blue Smurf and three with a pink diamond. She also bought an eight-ball of cocaine (about 3Â½ grams). Lindsay did line after line of coke all weekend. She was always the last one to leave all-night parties because she was still flying high.
One morning she ordered a $400 breakfast; two bottles of Ketel One vodka, one bottle of Belvedere vodka and a bottle of Patron tequila. Since that weekend, Lindsay has been drifting a near-24/7 haze.
Lindsay crushed Ecstasy into the coke and snorted it to get a hardcore rush. Her favorite alcohol is vodka. She pours it into a 16-oz. water bottle and drinks it straight or mixed with some soda. But she also drinks tequila and champagne.
During her pre-rehab party down in Brazil (and why not South America when you’re battling drug and alcohol addiction) Lindsay Lohan was photographed on a beach in a boring floppy blue bikini with her thighs riddled with some nasty looking bruises. Now I’m not one to judge, I often play a game I like to call “Ambien bruise or sex bruise?” Who doesn’t like some chemical exploration and rough sex every now and then, but I get the feeling Lindsay’s bruise stories would drink mine under the table, literally.
Either she got those injuries hiding under a table on the floor of a Brazilian nightclub S-ing some serious D or it was later in her hotel room when a butterscotch Brazilian blow dealer was forcibly grabbing her legs balls deep in some unconscious Lindsay poonani.
I’d say good for you girl, live it up before rehab. Considering she’s already making negotiations to be allowed Adderall during her mandated rehab stint, she’ll probably also weasel her way into spending the time at one of those spa rehabs in Thailand where they have massages on the beach. So this time she’s spending in Brazil isn’t so much a pre-rehab party, as rather a pre-rehab warmup, just to get acquainted with her upcoming surroundings.
Lindsay Lohan Tweeteda funny April Fool’s prank about being pregnant. Of course, she Tweeted on April 2nd. And, no, that’s not some sort of April Fool’s meta-genius. That’s getting a funny idea for a practical joke on April 1 and then being too high to Tweet until April 2. Of course the real joke here is Lindsay actually has six million people following her on Twitter. But Kim Kardashian has seventeen million. Which just goes to show you that Twitter is a social media platform designed to reward the stupid and slutty. And, trust me, you need to be both. Which is why I’m still at eleven followers.