Lindsay Lohan Is Feeling A Little Shy

By Travis January 10, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

Clearly still devastated over her “stolen” laptop with all of the naked pictures that she doesn’t want anyone to see, Lindsay Lohan stopped in London after leaving China, and she grabbed some dinner last night at Chakana with a friend. But she wasn’t really feeling all of the attention from the paparazzi so her friend threw her coat over her head until Lindsay realized that it was a stupid idea and just showed us that 47-year old’s smile on a 27 year old’s head. And then they got into their ride the only way they know how – by falling all over each other like a couple of drunk divorcées who just left the dick club.

Photo Credits: WENN.com

Thieves Want Cash for the Safe Return of Lindsay Lohan Nudes

By Jack January 09, 2014 @ 3:47 PM

It seems that the thieves that stole Lindsay Lohan’s computer want money for its safe return. We told you about Lindsay getting her laptop stolen while on a visit to China. Apparently there are naked pics of the fire crotch on the hard drive. The Tweets in which she raised the alarm about losing the computer have since been deleted. It’s thought that the thieves Tweeted from Lindsay’s computer just to prove they had the machine. It’s unclear how much they want but I guarantee you she’s going to have to dip deeply into her skiing fund to pay for it. This could be seen as a cautionary tale not to keep naked pictures of yourself off your computer or cell phone. You know, like the last ten thousand such similar cautionary tales over the past half dozen years. A quick check of my devices shows… nope, my legendary sized monster cock is nowhere to be seen. Leaked nude pictures of Lindsay could easily threaten her German language Cinemax career and derail her future plans to be Mayor of McDonaldland when that bastard McCheese finally steps down. There are real consequences here to Lindsay’s reputation.

Someone Stole All The Naked Photos On Lindsay Lohan’s Laptop

By Travis January 08, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

In a since-deleted Tweet, Lindsay Lohan claims that her laptop was stolen while she was at the airport in China, where she was recently honored with a fashion award by some people who really needed any celebrity in the world to show up. For most people, it would probably be a lost cause and time for a new laptop, but Lindsay is offering a reward for anyone who finds her computer, because there are apparently a bunch of nude pictures on it.

According to TMZ, Lindsay had a bunch of photos from photo shoots that were never released, as well as some saved conversations with various celebrities that she doesn’t want to get out. Sure, I get the part about the other celebrities, but she’s really upset about the nude pics? Does she know how Google works? Because it literally takes three seconds for me before I’m staring at her tits, and it’s really nothing special. In fact, I’m kind of sad now.

Photo Credit: Lindsay Lohan’s Instagram

Lindsay Lohan Is Back In The Studio

By Travis December 16, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Now that Lindsay Lohan has drummed up some terrible publicity for herself after she was accused by Barron Hilton of telling Ray LeMoine to beat the shit out of him at a party, it’s time for her to do what she does best – make some mediocre pop and dance music that nobody will buy. Lindsay posted some pictures to her Instagram this morning and they all suggest that she’s working on a new album, which should make anybody who can name even two of her previous songs very excited. To be slightly fair, though, her 2004 album “Speak” sold 1.1 million copies, but her 2005 album “A Little More Personal” sold less than half of that. If my math is correct, that means that a new album, more than eight years later, will sell approximately -4 million copies.

Paris Hilton’s Brother Claims Lindsay Lohan Had Him Pummeled

By Lex December 06, 2013 @ 6:07 PM

Lindsay Lohan Hangs Out In A Swimsuit Poolside In Miami
There’s no way to lose in a story where either a Hilton or a Lohan is a lying sack of shit. It’s the classic win-win. Paris Hilton’s little brother, Baron Von Douchery, got his ass beat up at Lindsay Lohan’s mansion party in Miami where Lindsay is staying trying to keep clean and attend art shows. Both of which sound like made-up reasons. Baron claims he made remarks about Lindsay and her new boyfriend, let’s just call him Cocaine Stupid Face for now, so Lindsay ordered a male friend of hers to kick the shit out of Baron. According to Baron, Lindsay stood by and laughed and egged her friend on in the pummeling. I have no idea if that’s true or not, but I do know it’s incredibly fun to imagine. Fearing a loss of his mealticket, Michael Lohan is rounding up witnesses to say that Lindsay wasn’t even at the party when the beat down took place. He’s also found witnesses to state that Lindsay has never smoked crack and did not appear in Freaky Friday and that Michael Lohan was an attentive father. If you’re looking to buy witnesses, you could do far worse than Florida.

Here’s Lindsay in a swimsuit at her Miami mansion thinking about art and staying sober and ordering her next hit.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN

Lindsay Lohan is So Provocative

By Travis December 03, 2013 @ 12:00 PM

While she isn’t doing much of anything that qualifies as actual work – unless you count trying to sue Nintendo because she thinks Bowser was based on her – Lindsay Lohan is really stepping her “sexy” selfie game on Instagram lately with shots like this one that she posted last night. I put sexy in quotation marks because I don’t particularly find grainy shots of a recovering addict chewing on her finger nails while looking like she kind of wants that last slice of pizza but doesn’t want to lose the space in her stomach for another Goose and Bull very sexy. But for all I know, you perverts think this is the Mona Lisa of cock teasing, so I want judge you too harshly.