At Least Lindsay Lohan Showed Up For Work

By Travis March 13, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

Now that Lindsay Lohan has people buzzing about her again with the “random” “leak” of her celebrity fuck list and not because the trailer for her Oprah Winfrey docu-series makes her look like a spoiled asshole being enabled by her sociopathic mom, she wants to remind us all that her huge Hollywood comeback starts with the show 2 Broke Girls. Kat Dennings, who stars on the show with some other girl, posted a photo to Instagram of her and Lindsay in wedding dresses to tease fans for her eventual cameo. I don’t watch the show, because I prefer comedy that makes me laugh, but I assume that Kat’s and Lindsay’s characters are having a lesbian wedding, because there’s no way that a respectable male is ever going near Lindsay’s actor trap again.

The Lindsay Lohan Sex List Is Here

By Lex March 12, 2014 @ 3:32 PM

How many times have you been out with your friends pretending not to drink because you’re on probation and you ended up writing down a list of everybody you’ve ever doinked on lined pre-numbered paper? Yeah, same here. But Lindsay Lohan did. Then casually tossed it aside at the Beverly Hills Hotel where she was with her girlfriends pretending not to drink. Her list includes the names Adam Levine, Justin Timberlake, Wilmer What’s His Face, Colin Ferrell, and Zac Efron, from when he still liked girls. We kind of knew most of this. Then there’s a bunch of names blurred out by InTouch, presumably because they’re civilians, or just prime extortion candidates for the struggling magazine. Either way, when your name appears on a list confirming you as Eskimo brothers with Colin Farrell, it’s probably time to get a shot or tourniquet your penis in some manner. I suppose you could view the discovery of this crumpled up list as merely coincidentally timed to the debut of Lindsay’s crazy boring new reality show on the Fat Oprah Network. If you were a moron.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

Oprah Told Lindsay Lohan To ‘Cut The Bullshit’ (VIDEO)

By Travis March 05, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

In the first full trailer for Queen Oprah’s ultimate spin machine ‘docu-series’, Lindsay, the former talk show host and current network head learns what everyone already knew about Lindsay Lohan – that she’s a spoiled, misguided, arrogant has-been. But Oprah thinks that the actress deserves yet another chance, because there’s a huge chunk of the public that loves watching a former child star continuously trip over her own stupid errors and blow every last opportunity that she receives. In addition to watching Dina Lohan pretend that she’s mom of the year while Michael Lohan takes the direct blame, Lindsay’s sober coach tells the camera that she’s still not sober, so Oprah has to board her chariot and take matters into her own hands to tell Lindsay to knock her spoiled baby bullshit off. Honestly, it looks pretty decent.

Lindsay Does Coke Without Her Mom

By Jack February 19, 2014 @ 1:41 PM

Lindsay Lohan had her lawyers threaten Fox News after they claimed that she did cocaine with her mom Dina Lohan. It all started when Fox News twat witch Michelle Fields discussed Lohan on a show about celebrity drug abuse and famous people who had OD’d. She made the claim that Lindsay and Dina snort lines of blow like other moms and daughter go to brunch and do a little shopping. The letter that Lindsay had her bulldog lawyers send demanded a retraction and an apology from the channel for making statements based on hearsay:

“During the show’s broadcast, she inappropriately and shockingly stated, unequivocally and as a matter of fact, that ‘Lindsay Lohan’s mom is doing cocaine with her’ – which statement is false…We demand immediate broadcast and publication of an apology and retraction, in as prominent a broadcast and publication fashion as the original… in order to try to mitigate the substantial damages.”

The letter also took issue with Lindsay being included on a show about Hollywood celebs that had died of drug abuse because Lindsay has only almost died from substance abuse. I can only imagine how shocking this was. And the claim that Lindsay Lohan would ever let her mom hork her blow. Not likely. Just the notion that you’d call a drunk driving psychologically damaged stage mom a cocaine user is insane. You might as well call a burglar a larcenist. Your reputation is your most valuable asset. Thank god for attorneys keeping Dina’s unblemished.

Lindsay Lohan Is a Filmmaker

By Lex January 21, 2014 @ 7:31 PM

Lindsay Lohan Attends A Press Conference During The Sundance Film Festival In Park City, Utah
Lindsay Lohan’s set to produce and star in the new psychological thriller, Inconceivable. By psychological thriller I mean that it has no director, no cast besides Lindsay, and all that Lindsay will say is that it’s about a woman trying to reclaim something she lost. I read that as there’s also no script. But it is being shepherded by Randall Emmett who has produced over 80 films in the past decade, two of which I’ve heard of before. Randall joined Lindsay at Sundance for the announcement of this bold cinematic venture. He upped his credibility instantly by calling Lindsay one of the greatest young actresses of her generation. This is the first time Lindsay will be serving as producer on a film. She’s already begun emailing actresses to be in it with her, going in order of whose email she can find on Google. She also asked her mom to make sandwiches for the crew and asked her little sister not to starve herself to death during the filming as she needs total concentration.

Photo Credit: Getty

Lindsay Lohan Is The New Queen Of England

By Travis January 15, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

We teach children not to feed wild animals because they can become dependent on humans as a food source and it fucks up the whole circle of life. Consider Lindsay Lohan a rabid, tired-looking raccoon and the London police are a stupid little kid that just gave her a giant platter of lobster. Three nights ago, police in London reportedly provided a free escort for Lindsay and her male companion for their night out, which seemed a bit preposterous for a washed up 27-year old with the voice of one of those awful anti-smoking ads. But according to WENN, the police were back last night to play security detail for Lindsay, with at least six officers standing by to make sure she and her friends could drive as fast as they wanted.

The only way this is acceptable is if the police figured wasting all of this money and manpower on one stupid girl was necessary to avoid pedestrian deaths from inevitable drunk driving, or if they’re going to plant cocaine on her. Either way, she’s London’s problem now, no take backs.

Photo Credits: Will Alexander/