Lisa Opie in a Bikini

By Lex October 01, 2014 @ 1:11 PM

Lisa Opie Wears A Bikini While Doing Yoga On The Beach
If you can’t pull off a decent upward bow, you can’t be my girlfriend. Fuck if I grimace when I try to touch my toes. If I can’t rest my chalupa party pack on your midsection for at least the first half of a Sunday NFC East showdown, I’m not going to meet your parents and pretend I have a real job. People who tell you successful relationships are based on love and affection might as well head straight from first date to contentious divorce. Relationships are based on give and take. What are you offering and what do I have to give you in return. I want a girl who can assume all the major porn positions. In return, she can drive my late model Toyota on the weekends. That’s how we’re going to make it fifty years, babe.

Photo Credit: Splash

Lisa Opie And Ana Braga in Bikinis

By Lex August 13, 2014 @ 8:43 AM

Lisa Opie And Ana Braga Hang Out In Bikinis At The Beach In Miami
I admire the way women so seamlessly interact within each other’s personal space. If any of my buddies asked me to pull their swim trunks out of their ass, I’d punch them hard in the neck and tell them we can’t play D&D anymore. That’s not homophobic, that’s qualitative. If Lena Dunham showed me where her woolen swimsuit was riding her chub crack something fierce, I’d convene a human war crimes tribunal. On the other hand, with these two chipper model girls, I’d be three knuckles deep checking for polyps before they had the chance to even say ‘please, mister, can you…’.

Photo Credit: Splash

Lisa Opie Bikini Yoga, Why the Fuck Not

By Lex June 27, 2014 @ 12:08 PM

Lisa Opie Does Yoga In Black Bikini Bottoms In The Park In Miami
Yoga really is the ultimate in training for the mind, body, and soul. It’s hard to imagine what India would be like today were it not for 5,000 years of yoga enlightenment. Millions of people might be shitting in the streets with millions more poking through that shit to find sustenance. Thank you downward facing dog for preventing that nightmare.

In modern times, yoga’s been a boon to people like myself who make sophomoric sexual jokes about women bent into unusually nimble body positions. I’m not without remorse for being so cheap, unless a woman’s shoving her genitals skyward in a thong in the middle of a city park. Then I feel like we’ve met halfway.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Lisa Opie In A Nude Bikini At The Beach In Miami

By Lex May 27, 2014 @ 11:38 AM

Lisa Opie In A Nude Bikini At The Beach In Miami

Photo Credit: Splash

Lisa Opie In A Bikini

By Lex May 02, 2014 @ 2:09 PM

Lisa Opie In A Bikini At The Beach In Miami
I really like this Lisa Opie girl. Her background in beauty pageants lets me know she’s a talent woman. She always seems to be doing something interesting with her days on the beach. Sometimes she’s on her stomach, sometimes her back. Sometimes she’s on the phone, or not. She’s upright, she’s prone, she’s supine, she’s half-reverse scorpion posed and letting kids in the area take pictures with her sweaty region stains. A lot of guys can’t handle a woman who puts her career first. I have no problem coming in second to whatever it is she’s doing between 11 and 2:30pm each day.

Photo Credit: Splash

Lisa Opie In A Black Bikini

By Lex April 23, 2014 @ 12:33 PM

Lisa Opie In A Black Bikini At The Beach In Miami
With the World Cup just around the corner and business association gunmen in Rio lining up street urchins to dump into the rivers, you can bet part time models are going to be wearing lots of soccer jerseys in public. It’s how girls who date for a living throw down their colors. This chick seems to be going strong for Argentina. It could be her pride for the boys of the Rio de la Plata. Or it could be she’s a walking semaphore for the drug cartels offloading their submarine full of cocaine into the skiffs off the coast of Miami. I haven’t had a date in long enough that I’d pretend to be supportive of her role in either option.

Photo Credit: Splash