Lisa Opie in A Bikini Doing Yoga

By Lex November 04, 2014 @ 11:27 AM

Lisa Opie Wears A Bikini While Doing Yoga On The Beach In Miami
I’m not sure women should be allowed to strike this particular pose on the public beach. It’s like showing off breasts. It’s merely going to cause boys to become interested in girls and someday want to have sex with them. Somebody needs to explain to these boys that while sex is totally fucking awesome, until such time as they are either a Formula One race car driver or invested heavily in Western desert mining interests, they will not be having sex with models from the Virgin Islands who do yoga on the beach in Miami. Maybe the girl with the canker sores who stocks the OSH electrical aisles. We end up with a generation of disappointed men who crave foreign wars and ice cold 3.2 beer. Get your ass back to the seated position, woman. Vishnu might be pleased, but not so the Everglades Chapter of the Daughters of the American Revolution.

Photo Credit: Splash

Lisa Opie in a Bikini

By Lex October 01, 2014 @ 1:11 PM

Lisa Opie Wears A Bikini While Doing Yoga On The Beach
If you can’t pull off a decent upward bow, you can’t be my girlfriend. Fuck if I grimace when I try to touch my toes. If I can’t rest my chalupa party pack on your midsection for at least the first half of a Sunday NFC East showdown, I’m not going to meet your parents and pretend I have a real job. People who tell you successful relationships are based on love and affection might as well head straight from first date to contentious divorce. Relationships are based on give and take. What are you offering and what do I have to give you in return. I want a girl who can assume all the major porn positions. In return, she can drive my late model Toyota on the weekends. That’s how we’re going to make it fifty years, babe.

Photo Credit: Splash

Lisa Opie And Kristina Sofia Wear Bikinis Together On The Beach In Miami

By Lex September 24, 2014 @ 10:18 AM

Lisa Opie And Kristina Sofia Wear Bikinis Together On The Beach In Miami

Photo Credit: Splash

Lisa Opie Talks On The Phone In A Bikini On Miami Beach

By Lex September 02, 2014 @ 8:17 AM

Lisa Opie Talks On Phone In Bikini On Miami Beach

Photo Credit: Splash

Lisa Opie And Ana Braga in Bikinis

By Lex August 13, 2014 @ 8:43 AM

Lisa Opie And Ana Braga Hang Out In Bikinis At The Beach In Miami
I admire the way women so seamlessly interact within each other’s personal space. If any of my buddies asked me to pull their swim trunks out of their ass, I’d punch them hard in the neck and tell them we can’t play D&D anymore. That’s not homophobic, that’s qualitative. If Lena Dunham showed me where her woolen swimsuit was riding her chub crack something fierce, I’d convene a human war crimes tribunal. On the other hand, with these two chipper model girls, I’d be three knuckles deep checking for polyps before they had the chance to even say ‘please, mister, can you…’.

Photo Credit: Splash

Lisa Opie Bikini Yoga, Why the Fuck Not

By Lex June 27, 2014 @ 12:08 PM

Lisa Opie Does Yoga In Black Bikini Bottoms In The Park In Miami
Yoga really is the ultimate in training for the mind, body, and soul. It’s hard to imagine what India would be like today were it not for 5,000 years of yoga enlightenment. Millions of people might be shitting in the streets with millions more poking through that shit to find sustenance. Thank you downward facing dog for preventing that nightmare.

In modern times, yoga’s been a boon to people like myself who make sophomoric sexual jokes about women bent into unusually nimble body positions. I’m not without remorse for being so cheap, unless a woman’s shoving her genitals skyward in a thong in the middle of a city park. Then I feel like we’ve met halfway.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet