Lisa Opie in a Bikini

Fat women will point out how skinny women are just as likely to die in a thermonuclear explosion as they are. It's probably not to your benefit to skip meals to fit perfectly into your little bikini. But that's you. Let's talk about me. I appreciate it. There'll be time for Arby's when you're older and your attorneys have quashed your first prenup. Fuck early, often, and skinny, and you won't need to be part of the...read more

Lisa Opie In A White Bikini

The obvious downside of being a chick who wears a bikini for her nine to five is the starvation and gym workouts you can't fake. The upside, sleeping until 11:00 am and casually running a credit check on the guy in your bed who claims to be a successful night club owner. Will he be a winner or a dud? This is fantasy football for models in Miami. Photo Credit: Splashread more

Lisa Opie in A Bikini Doing Yoga

I'm not sure women should be allowed to strike this particular pose on the public beach. It's like showing off breasts. It's merely going to cause boys to become interested in girls and someday want to have sex with them. Somebody needs to explain to these boys that while sex is totally fucking awesome, until such time as they are either a Formula One race car driver or invested heavily in Western desert mining...read more

Lisa Opie in a Bikini

If you can't pull off a decent upward bow, you can't be my girlfriend. Fuck if I grimace when I try to touch my toes. If I can't rest my chalupa party pack on your midsection for at least the first half of a Sunday NFC East showdown, I'm not going to meet your parents and pretend I have a real job. People who tell you successful relationships are based on love and affection might as well head straight from first date...read more

Lisa Opie And Ana Braga in Bikinis

I admire the way women so seamlessly interact within each other's personal space. If any of my buddies asked me to pull their swim trunks out of their ass, I'd punch them hard in the neck and tell them we can't play D&D anymore. That's not homophobic, that's qualitative. If Lena Dunham showed me where her woolen swimsuit was riding her chub crack something fierce, I'd convene a human war crimes tribunal. On the...read more

Lisa Opie Bikini Yoga, Why the Fuck Not

Yoga really is the ultimate in training for the mind, body, and soul. It's hard to imagine what India would be like today were it not for 5,000 years of yoga enlightenment. Millions of people might be shitting in the streets with millions more poking through that shit to find sustenance. Thank you downward facing dog for preventing that nightmare. In modern times, yoga's been a boon to people like myself who make...read more

Lisa Opie In A Nude Bikini At The Beach In Miami

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Lisa Opie In A Bikini

I really like this Lisa Opie girl. Her background in beauty pageants lets me know she's a talent woman. She always seems to be doing something interesting with her days on the beach. Sometimes she's on her stomach, sometimes her back. Sometimes she's on the phone, or not. She's upright, she's prone, she's supine, she's half-reverse scorpion posed and letting kids in the area take pictures with her sweaty region...read more

Lisa Opie In A Black Bikini

With the World Cup just around the corner and business association gunmen in Rio lining up street urchins to dump into the rivers, you can bet part time models are going to be wearing lots of soccer jerseys in public. It's how girls who date for a living throw down their colors. This chick seems to be going strong for Argentina. It could be her pride for the boys of the Rio de la Plata. Or it could be she's a walking...read more

Lisa Opie In A Striped Bikini At The Beach In Miami

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Lisa Opie In A White Bikini

Girls seem to get very important calls at the beach. I'm not sure who they're conversing with, but I just assume they're moving ten billion shares of Dynacorp or ordering the death of sub-Saharan militia leaders for snaking their blood diamonds. It's possible they are just talking to their girlfriends about boys and salads and ways to cure a yeast infection using just a metal comb and shoe polish, but I still say it's...read more

Lisa Opie In A Red Bikini At The Beach In Miami

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