As if the sight of Liv Tyler didn’t already make my dick shrivel, with her big fat ass and a chest so flat it makes you think her head is on backwards, today she decided to really go for it by picking her nose at the table during breakfast in Los Feliz. Her friend looked appropriately disgusted, but Liv didn’t seem to notice. It seems silly now but I always assumed the worst thing about having a meal with Liv Tyler would be that she would eat all my food. That image now seems almost charming by comparison.
(source = pacific coast news)
Um, okay Liv Tyler, we get it. You’re fat. Enough already. You don’t have to be eating 24 hours a day. You can lay out for an hour without food. I saw a set of pictures one time where she stopped at some deli and then ate the sandwich on the street on the way to some little sidewalk café. In other words, she stopped to get food on the way to get food. i don't have a dictionary in front of me, but I'm willing to bet that if you looked up "fatass", it would go a lot like that.
Liv Tyler and her husband Royston Langdon announced their separation yesterday after 5 years of marriage, but don't think this is just another example of a flaky Hollywood marriage. Banditos and squaws come from very different worlds, and their love faced many challenges. People says…
"Liv Tyler and Royston Langdon have confirmed their separation. They remain good friends and devoted parents to their son Milo and are requesting that their family's privacy be respected at this time."
Tyler, 30, and Langdon, 36, wed in 2003 in a private ceremony at a villa in the Caribbean. Their son Milo was born in December 2004.
Langdon was the lead singer for that band Spacehog, who had one really really good song like a hundred years ago. At least I think he was. What am I, his biographer, I don’t know who the fuck that dude is.
(picture source = inf daily)
I knew this of course but an article in todays USA Today just about knocked me over by putting it all together. We have three superhero movies out this summer, and they star Maggie Gyllenhaal, Liv Tyler and Gwyneth Paltrow. WTF. The choice of Maggie Gylenhaal is especially inexcusable, since Batman could be great. She looks like a sad cartoon turtle. Say what you will about Katie Holmes, but at least she looks human, and not like a drawing you'd see in a kids book about being down in the dumps.
Liv Tyler was in the Caribbean last week, possibly because she heard there was an island where pale fatties with hilariously small heads were revered as gods. Now she's all set.
Liv Tyler and her husband who I think is from the band Spacehog but I don't care so I didn't look it up, went dressed as racist rich white people who think other cultures are basically the zoo. Don't get me wrong, I support just about every prejudice you can think of, but I'm a dickhead, I'm supposed to, she holds herself up as some uppity do-gooder liberal. I'm working hard to bring back intolerance, but I'm only one man. Maybe next year they can dress up the kid as a Jew diamond merchant with bags of money, and Liv can put on a geisha costume then pull her eyes back and say "me sucky sucky!"
(for the record, if you ever look down and a hand like Livs is wrapped around your dork, you're full blown gay. I'd rather see a rattlesnake creeping toward my nuts than that hand)
