Lourdes Leon Works Time Square

It's heartwarming when the whole disparate Madonna clan re-assemble for summer in New York. The various children from various father's and forlorn biological mothers around the planet. It's like a high school reunion where everybody there came out of, or was purchased, by... read more

Lourdes Leon Smokes A Little Weed

You know, it's entirely possible that's just a teeny tiny French hand-rolled cigarette. I'm only saying that so Madonna and her team of mystical Kabbalah barristers won't lay Deuteronomy claims against me in a court of law. I'm not sure you're allowed to smoke weed in... read more

Lourdes Leon in a Green Bikini

I hope Madonna's magic Kabbalah bracelet saves a little hocus pocus power for keeping her daughter pure at the University of Michigan this fall. That's where Madonna herself went for three hours before she realized happiness can't be found in any book or classroom. Just... read more

Lourdes Leon in A Bikini

Every vacation Lourdes Leon has to sit blankly on a yacht somewhere watching four cloistered minions hoist her mom out of a modified sun-crypt so she can fuck some new vaguely French boyfriend. I'm glad God gave Lourdes big tits for enduring that kind of family vacation... read more

Madonna Turns 55, Lourdes Ready to Take Over

Madonna had a good run. She made a shit ton out of precious few natural resources. She's like Hong Kong. But now she needs to turn the chieftain stick over to her daughter Lourdes. Lourdes has tools her mother never had. Like the innate talents to draw in a straight male... read more

Madonna's Daughter Has Big Ambitions

Nobody was ever cursed more with a blessing than Shelly Kitts. Shelly started developing in grade school. By the time high school rolled around, Shelly was saddled with two Texas sized humps on her chest. She could barely move. Her name rhymed with tits. She had a rough... read more