Lourdes Leon Smokes A Little Weed

By Lex August 14, 2014 @ 11:35 AM

Lourdes Leon Smokes In A Black Bikini On The Beach In Cannes
You know, it’s entirely possible that’s just a teeny tiny French hand-rolled cigarette. I’m only saying that so Madonna and her team of mystical Kabbalah barristers won’t lay Deuteronomy claims against me in a court of law. I’m not sure you’re allowed to smoke weed in France when you’re seventeen, though you are legally allowed to be a prostitute with a savagely unkempt pie hole, which seems terribly inequitable. I intend to be a horrible parent with truly questionable judgement, so I’m not going to judge Madonna for letting her teen sample the dank. Hearing your mom writhe and screech atop her teenaged French boyfriend each night in the villa necessitates some kind of medication. Unless you have proof it makes her tits smaller, I give my okey-dokey.

Photo Credit: Splash, AKM-GSI

Lourdes Leon in a Green Bikini

By Lex August 06, 2014 @ 11:30 AM

Lourdes Leon Goes For A Swim In A Green Bikini In Cannes
I hope Madonna’s magic Kabbalah bracelet saves a little hocus pocus power for keeping her daughter pure at the University of Michigan this fall. That’s where Madonna herself went for three hours before she realized happiness can’t be found in any book or classroom. Just by rolling around naked with gay dancers on a bed. What with 119% of all co-eds being raped at colleges these days, the odds are stacked against Lourdes Leon. Maybe her dad can step in and give her a speech about how sex is something sacred to be saved for when your high profile fitness training client says your mulatto blood would be perfect to bang a Benetton baby into her. Raising kids is complicated these days. The best you can do is ground them in the reality of yachting vacations abroad and French smokes and hope they grow up wise.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Lourdes Leon in A Bikini

By Lex August 04, 2014 @ 2:06 PM

Lourdes Leon In A Leopard Bikini Relaxing At The Beach In Antibes
Every vacation Lourdes Leon has to sit blankly on a yacht somewhere watching four cloistered minions hoist her mom out of a modified sun-crypt so she can fuck some new vaguely French boyfriend. I’m glad God gave Lourdes big tits for enduring that kind of family vacation hell. ¬†It’s not a ¬†totally fair trade, but most of us had shitting family vacations as kids and only got emotional scars. Big ole sweet cans seems like they get you farther in life than echoes in your head of your drunk parents screaming at each other over why the twenty dollar cabin has no working shitter. Ah, make it go away. By the power of Lourdes Leon barely legal tits, grant me peace.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Madonna Turns 55, Lourdes Ready to Take Over

By Lex August 16, 2013 @ 2:50 PM

Lourdes Leon In A Bikini With Madonna And Family On The Water In Ville Franche, France
Madonna had a good run. She made a shit ton out of precious few natural resources. She’s like Hong Kong. But now she needs to turn the chieftain stick over to her daughter Lourdes. Lourdes has tools her mother never had. Like the innate talents to draw in a straight male audience. Time to chip away the ice floe and send Madonna on her next great adventure. Goodbye, Madge, we’ll see you on the other side.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Madonna’s Daughter Has Big Ambitions

By Lex August 13, 2013 @ 1:21 PM


Nobody was ever cursed more with a blessing than Shelly Kitts. Shelly started developing in grade school. By the time high school rolled around, Shelly was saddled with two Texas sized humps on her chest. She could barely move. Her name rhymed with tits. She had a rough high school. I can’t help but think back to my childhood giggling about Kitts tits while not at all looking at Lourdes Leon on vacation in France.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, FameFlynet