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Lourdes Leon Smokes A Little Weed

You know, it's entirely possible that's just a teeny tiny French hand-rolled cigarette. I'm only saying that so Madonna and her team of mystical Kabbalah barristers won't lay Deuteronomy claims against me in a court of law. I'm not sure you're allowed to smoke weed in France when you're seventeen, though you are legally allowed to be a prostitute with a savagely unkempt pie hole, which seems terribly inequitable. I...read more

Lourdes Leon in a Green Bikini

I hope Madonna's magic Kabbalah bracelet saves a little hocus pocus power for keeping her daughter pure at the University of Michigan this fall. That's where Madonna herself went for three hours before she realized happiness can't be found in any book or classroom. Just by rolling around naked with gay dancers on a bed. What with 119% of all co-eds being raped at colleges these days, the odds are stacked against...read more

Lourdes Leon in A Bikini

Every vacation Lourdes Leon has to sit blankly on a yacht somewhere watching four cloistered minions hoist her mom out of a modified sun-crypt so she can fuck some new vaguely French boyfriend. I'm glad God gave Lourdes big tits for enduring that kind of family vacation hell. It's not a totally fair trade, but most of us had shitting family vacations as kids and only got emotional scars. Big ole sweet cans seems like...read more

Madonna Turns 55, Lourdes Ready to Take Over

Madonna had a good run. She made a shit ton out of precious few natural resources. She's like Hong Kong. But now she needs to turn the chieftain stick over to her daughter Lourdes. Lourdes has tools her mother never had. Like the innate talents to draw in a straight male audience. Time to chip away the ice floe and send Madonna on her next great adventure. Goodbye, Madge, we'll see you on the other side. Photo Credit:...read more

Madonna's Daughter Has Big Ambitions

Nobody was ever cursed more with a blessing than Shelly Kitts. Shelly started developing in grade school. By the time high school rolled around, Shelly was saddled with two Texas sized humps on her chest. She could barely move. Her name rhymed with tits. She had a rough high school. I can't help but think back to my childhood giggling about Kitts tits while not at all looking at Lourdes Leon on vacation in France....read more