Madonna Is A Ninja And Shit Around The Web

By Jack August 18, 2014 @ 1:43 PM

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Justin Timberlake is in all kinds of trouble with the Internet after he called desiccated crone Madonna “his ninja”. By that he didn’t mean a medieval Japanese assassin but rather a stand in for that other n-word. You know, the one your grandfather calls the President.

Read all about the stupid N-word outrage. (Huffington Post)

Old Jewish woman Gene Simmons apologizes for being such an asshole…again. (Dlisted)

Nina Agdal in a bikini is guaranteed to improve your day (and dick). (The Superficial)

Emily Ratajkowski in lingerie is the mustest of must sees. (Popoholic)

Justin Bieber is porking Selena Gomez again. She must really hate herself. (Celebslam)

That ice bucket challenge thing is annoying. Unless it’s done to the Cowboy’s cheerleaders. (Busted Coverage)

Bar Refaeli is in a bikini where she belongs. (Drunken Stepfather)

Madonna Posts A Vagina Pic

By Lex August 06, 2014 @ 1:27 PM

Madonna Posts A Vagina Selfie To Instagram
Rattled by all the attention her daughter has been receiving for her nubile tits, Madonna leapt into action and posted a picture of her old lady crotch on Instagram. It was a bold move considering Madonna usually saves her social media cache for uniformed views on geopolitics, politically correct social campaigns, and pictures of herself tonguing young Moroccan men on the nipple ring. It’s probably not easy watching your living skeletal remains in the mirror and looking outside to see all the young boys getting boners for your daughter. I’m sure she loves her offspring, just as certainly as I’m sure she will soon bind her in a dungeon and drain her body of blood she will mix into a Fountain of Youth demonic soup with toast points. It’s not evil if you’re just trying to maintain.

Photo Credit: Madonna/Instagram

Katy Perry And Madonna And Some Intergenerational Bondage

By Lex May 22, 2014 @ 2:21 PM

Katy Perry And Madonna In A S&M Photo Shoot For V Magazine
I’m going to go ahead and guess this was Madonna’s idea. Katy Perry has gone through too many boyfriends to be passionate about kink. Personally, I dig this kind of artistic expression. I only wish it were real. I’d like to see Katy Perry pull Madonna’s hair hard while yelling out, “I’m not you in my future, you sickly old Skeletor bitch!”  I’m just throwing that out there, Katy can yell out whatever the hell she wants, so long as she pulls hard and makes Madonna regret this whole bondage thing as a way to still get attention at 75.

Photo Credit: V Magazine

Madonna’s Old Nips Had To Stay Home

By Travis May 06, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

Poor, old, pathetic and desperate Madonna. All she wanted to do last night was attend the Met Gala, but when she shared the dress that she wanted to wear with Anna Wintour, Madonna was told, “Not this year.” As you can see in the photo that she posted on Instagram, the dress she picked out would have had her 55-year old tits on full display for everyone at the event, and we all owe Anna a great deal of gratitude for keeping us from having to see those things. Unfortunately, Madonna claims that she used the free time last night to stay home and work on music instead, so fuck you very much for that, Anna Wintour.

Give It A Fucking Rest, Madonna

By Travis March 21, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Now that 55-year old Madonna has learned what hashtags are, she is continuing her campaign of emptiness on Instagram by posting random stupid pictures with meaningless messages like #artforrevolution and #rebelheart. The latest is this photo of her with some bright gold armpit hair and the message “Long hair…… Don’t Care!!!!!!” because, oh my God, she’s so fucking brave, you guys. Women everywhere don’t shave their armpits, but look at the way that the wealthy old lady is really sticking it to modern society’s norms with an inch or two of hair that it probably fake. She’s really making everyone reconsider the way they look at art, and if this is any indication of what is considered “edgy” for a pop star, expect Miley Cyrus to be posting photos of her full bush by the end of the weekend.

Madonna Ruined Game Of Thrones And Jesus

By Travis March 17, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

A very well-respected and honored member of the Jewish religion, Madonna showed off her appreciation for the costume party angle of Purim by posting a shot of her dressed as Daenerys from Game of Thrones on Instagram yesterday. Get it? Because Madonna thinks that she’s a queen, and Daenerys is a queen, and even though Madonna is 29 years older than Emilia Clarke, who has probably slept with several thousand fewer men, the race for which of them is sexier is clearly neck and neck since Madonna is so youthful and attractive all these years later. She also posted a photo of her and a man wearing a Jesus mask, because you know that she’s had sex with a guy who was dressed like Jesus at least a few hundred times, just so she can truly believe that she raw dogged the son of God. I also included the picture of Madonna licking her shower glass because everyone should start off their Monday by feeling sick.