Madonna deserves all your money

By brendon February 02, 2012 @ 2:09 PM


Furry old lady Madonna is a mean, self-centered cunt with no actual talent other than knowing which producers to hire to make her records for her, and if you needed some reminders about that, here they are.

On Lady Gagas song ‘Born This Way,’ which many say sounds like Madonna’s 1989 hit ‘Express Yourself.’

“Of course I heard it. How could I not? I think it was on the radio a few times. I thought, ‘This is a wonderful way to redo my song.’ I recognized the chord changes, I thought it was … interesting.”

And when asked if it’s reasonable to charge hundreds of dollars for tickets to her new tour during a recession:

“Start saving your pennies now,” she says, sounding annoyed that any-one would suggest these prices are prohibitive. “People spend $300 on crazy things all the time, things like handbags. So work all year, scrape the money together, and come to my show. I’m worth it.”

Oh she sure is. What a treat it would be to see an old lady in a boa shuffle around the stage lip synching pop songs from the 80’s. It’ll be like a talent show in a nursing home, and who doesn’t love those?

(image source of madonna at the london premiere of ‘w.e.’ = wenn)

BREAKING NEWS: Madonna is a narcissistic cunt

By brendon January 16, 2012 @ 4:46 PM

Madonna beat out Elton John to win the Golden Globe for Best Original Song last night, and, naturally, she used her acceptance speech as a chance to thank herself for being so wonderful. She spoke for less than 2 minutes, and 26 of the 204 words she used were some version of “I” or “me”.

0 of the words she used were some version of “we” or “our”.

This did not go unnoticed by the crowd who sat in silence every time she tried to be cute, or by Elton Johns husband David Furnish, who went on his Facebook and wrote:

“Madonna. Best song???? F**k off!!!”
“Madonna winning Best Original Song truly shows how these awards have nothing to do with merit. Her acceptance speech was embarrassing in its narcissism.”

But it was all worth it to hear Madonna tell the crazy story about how the song got made. First someone suggested she do it, and then she did it. What a wild ride! Only in Hollywood, you guys!

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Madonna will play the Superbowl

By brendon December 05, 2011 @ 12:29 PM


NBC and the NFL announced last night that Madonna will perform during the Super Bowl XLVI halftime show, and if you think that part sounds like a horrible fit for an NFL game, wait until you read this one…

Madonna said she’s partnered with a creative team from Cirque du Soleil, choreographer Jamie King and multimedia artists from Moment Factory, “to create a signature performance for the Super Bowl’s Halftime Show, which will be broadcast worldwide.”

Football fans are always saying, why don’t NFL games have old ladies singing awful music and French Canadian jugglers dressed as a cheetah, so this halftime show makes a lot of sense.

(the pictures are madonna in an old dolce and gabanna ad, followed by the un-retouched originals. and oh how they were touched)

Madonna stole her new single

By brendon November 09, 2011 @ 2:32 PM

The first single from Madonnas next album leaked yesterday, and about 30 seconds after that Nicola Roberts fans were online pointing out that it sounds suspiciously like Roberts’ song, ‘Beat of My Drum’ (listen to that here).

Both songs feature cheerleader-style choruses with Madge’s track, which is produced by William Orbit, featuring the lyrics: ‘L-U-V Madona’.
While on Roberts’ song, which peaked at 27 when it was released earlier this year, the chorus goes: ‘L.O.V.E/ Dance to the beat of my drum/ Dance to the beat of my drum.’

I didn’t really listen to either one of these songs but Madonna is a mean old selfish bitch so if someone says she stole a song I totally believe them. Hell, they could tell me she was raising those African kids to harvest their organs later and I would believe them. In fact I bet if someone checked their blood type they would match Madonnas. What a coincidence.

(image source of madonna looking like an old timey bank robber 4 days ago at a kaballah center in new york = splash)

Madonna is a mean bitch, part 2

By brendon October 24, 2011 @ 5:20 PM


It would be easy to say that Lady Gaga does little else than rip off what Madonna used to do, and it would be easy to say that because it’s true. Nonetheless, Gaga has never been anything but reverent toward Madonna and will tell anyone who listens that shes her idol.

Madonna however can’t stand anyone else getting any attention ever, so at the premiere of Madonas directorial debut last night (where she was boo’d by the way) someone in the crowd yelled “Who needs Lady Gaga? To which Madonna cuntily replied, ”Lady who?” (video here)

Anyway, these pictures are her on the red carpet for the premiere, and I love how she spends most of the time trying to hide her old-lady hands. Haha, sorry jackass but we all know what you’re doing. Or should I say, sorry ma’am, maybe a hot bowl of soup will bring some color to those cheeks.

Madonnas brother is homeless

By brendon October 24, 2011 @ 3:14 PM


Considering she couldn’t even be bothered to build that school for kids in Africa that she promised, you might be wondering if Madonna is a mean, cold hearted, selfish bitch. Well wonder no more, because yes, she is.

Madonna’s older brother, Anthony Ciccone, says he’s living homeless in Michigan after his family “turned their back” on him.  
Ciccone tells the Michigan Messenger he’s been living on the streets of Traverse City after losing his job at his father’s winery more than a year ago. “My family turned their back on me, basically, when I was having a hard time,” Ciccone said. “You think I haven’t answered this kind of question a bazillion times – why my sister is a multibazillionaire, and I’m homeless on the street? Never say never. This could happen to anybody.”

Speaking of Madonna, she and her sexy hands were at Heathrow airport in London this morning. With any luck this will be followed by one of those stories where a celebrity is a pain in the ass and gets throw off a plane. Even better if the plane is in mid air when they do it.

(image source = bauer griffin)