TITTIES - I don’t know which college humor editor got dumped by Amanda, but matching her against Brittany in this bikini contest really can’t be considered anything other than sarcastic. She would have a better chance playing tennis against Roger Federer, even if someone tied her shoes together and her racket was upside down. (source = college humor)
NATASHA RICHARDSON - Natasha Richardson suffered a severe brain injury yesterday while skiing in Quebec. Her husband Liam Neeson was filming in Toronto but rushed to her side. Natasha was on a beginner level slope when she tumbled and fell. She didn’t hit anything and there were no signs of injury, but an hour later her head started to ache and she was soon taken to the hospital. That was some vivid storytelling wasn’t it? You probably felt like you were actually there, witnessing the events in real time, but try to catch your breath and let's keep going. (source = tmz)
MADONNA - Catharina Franca is an 18-year-old model from Brazil, and she dated Jesus Luz for 18 months. Madonna is a 50-year-old female impersonator from Detroit, and she dates Jesus Luz now. “When I heard about him and Madonna I couldn’t believe it. She is a ridiculous old bag, jumping around on stage at her age,” Catharina said. And she’s right. Madonna's vag must feel like it's made out of wood. (source = the Sun UK)
PATRICK SWAYZE - I’m not technically a doctor, but I think it's safe to say Patrick Swayze isn’t doing so great with his pancreatic cancer. But he's not giving up, even though many predicted he would have died by now. So suck on that naysayers. (source = fame pictures)
Madonna is a real fashion visionary. I bet soon we see a lot more 50-year-olds in fishnet stockings and mini skirts. Those cottontops walking around the mall before it opens will all have on smiley face rings and canvas Chuck Taylors with crazy mismatching laces. It makes a lot of sense if you think about it.
TODAYS HEALTH FACT: according to the BBC, women Madonna's age are at risk for bone loss after menopause and incontinence, but their is help for today's active senior. Your doctor can tell you more.
(image source = pacific coast)
Madonna reportedly reached an agreement during the Oscar parties to design a line of T-shirts and bodices for Ed Hardy, and all I can say is, Wow. They are gonna make sooo much money. If there’s one thing I know about fashion, it’s that nothing ever changes. That Ed Hardy look will be popular for years to come. I can’t wait to get the new styles. I just got this cool barbed wire tattoo around my bicep and I wanna show it off. It's pretty bitchin. Up next: VICTORY in Chinese on the inside of my forearm.
(image source = wenn)
Much was made of how good Madonna’s skin looked at the Vanity Fair Oscar party two weeks ago, and even though it sounds like something out of Hostel, the Mirror says they know one reason why:
It involves a 30-minute, $7,000 treatment in which a surgeon implants a tube-like strip into the neck under the skin. It is covered with tiny hooks that are attached to the muscle and tissue of the neck - and the surgeon then pulls it up to lift the whole neck area.
Looking around a little and it says this is supposed to be painless except for a slight sensation of choking. Ok, hold on, hold on, I got a joke: "Yeah, I got a tube you can choke on right here baby!"
Hm. Okay let me come back to this one.
OK! magazine says that Madonna wore millions of dollars worth of jewelery last night to parties around LA after the Academy Awards, all part of her 20 year campaign to annoy every single person on earth. To the Vanity Fair party she wore:
- A black and white diamond chain with 500 carats of the shiny stones
(here)
- A diamond bangle with 25 carats of diamonds and platinum
(here)
- An onyx and diamond bracelet with 50 carats of diamonds
(here)
- A pair of diamond pear shape earrings of 20 carats each
(here and here)
- A square diamond and onyx ring
(here)
Then for her own private party, she put on even more diamonds, including…
a cross and chain with 100 carats of diamonds, bracelets with 50 carats of diamonds, long diamond earrings worth 1 million dollars and a huge diamond and platinum ring.
I don't have any pictures of that, but I think you get the idea. In a related story, my bed is stuffed with hay. Yaay!
It’s so uncomfortable to see Madonna trying to dress young and sexy, like she is here in this promo shot for “Hard Candy”, according to today’s Daily Mail. It’s an old lady mostly naked except for a bunch of random shit, like a boxing glove and a mink wrap. It’s the kind of thing you’d expect to see at a crooked nursing home.
APOLOGETIC UPDATE - now, regrettably, with more pictures.
