Madonna is entitled to hate your measly gifts

By brendon September 07, 2011 @ 2:43 PM

As expected, Madonnas publicist has issued a statement about the video of Madonna being a mean ungrateful bitch after receiving some flowers from a fan.

As not expected, her explanation is that Madonna has every right to think that you and your gifts are beneath contempt.

“She’s entitled to like any flower she wants and she didn’t want to hurt the feeling of the hydrangeas of the world. No disrespect to the hydrangeas lovers of the world but she prefers different types of flowers.”

Good point. Because that was the issue everyone had. That she didn’t like hydrangeas. It wasn’t her cunty attitude, it was her preference in flowers. If that was her only issue I need to find out what her favorite poisonous snake is. It would be gauche of me to put a cobra in her bed when she prefers black mambas. I’d have made the faux paus of the season!

Madonna loathes hydrangeas

By brendon September 06, 2011 @ 3:50 PM

While on a panel at the Venice Film Festival this weekend, some reporter gave Madonna some flowers as a gift. But since they were hydrangeas, which she “loathes”, she rightfully put them on the floor and immediately made it clear what an asshole the reporter was for not knowing that. As the old saying goes, “it’s not the thought that counts, if you don’t read someones mind and give them a gift they love, fuck you.”

um, hey there Madonnas daughter

By brendon August 26, 2011 @ 12:17 PM

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The last time we saw 53-year-old Madonna with her 24-year-old boyfriend Brahim Zaibat, it was mentioned that he reportedly gets along well with her kids. At the time I had no idea that her daughter Lourdes, who is 15 now, woke up one day with those awesome tits.

So now this relationship makes way more sense. They all went swimming yesterday in Eden Roc, France. This is what Madonna wore. This is what Lourdes wore. Obviously Brahim is planning to kill Madonna so he and Lourdes can have her money, and obviously someone needs to stop him. Because that was my plan too.

(nice to see she finally did something about her unevolved brow, btw.)

(image source = splash and pacific coast)

Lady Gaga is into bondage

By brendon August 25, 2011 @ 6:01 PM

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According to the biography that Lady Gaga is following step by step, Madonna posed for some scandalous naked bondage pictures at about this point in her career. “Well then that’s exactly what I’ll do,” Gaga proclaimed after realizing she doesn’t have an original thought in her head.

(NOTE: actually these are newly released outtakes from a shoot she did with Vogue Japan in 2009, but you get the idea. these are all SFW, albeit barely. i had to host the three NSFW ones here and here and here)

Madonna better be careful

By brendon August 16, 2011 @ 7:15 PM

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Madonna turns 53 today, and she arrived back in London this afternoon after spending the weekend in the Hamptons with her boyfriend, a French dancer named Brahim Zaibat, and her two adopted kids, David and Mercy.

Brahim, who is 24, and the kids, who are both 5, reportedly get along really well. For one, he’s closer in age to them (19 years apart) than he is to Madonna (29 years apart). Now one of them just has to wait for the right moment to break the ice and “jokingly” suggest they team up, kill Madonna, take all her money, and go back home to Africa/open a dance studio.

(image source = splash and inf)

Madonna is a mean old bitch

By brendon March 25, 2011 @ 1:52 PM

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Let’s recap…

– when Madonna applied to adopt a little girl from the impoverished African nation of Malawi in March of 2009, the director of Malawi’s Human Rights Consultative Committee called her a “child kidnapper” and a “bully”, claiming she was using her money to influence the people who would make the decision. (3.31.09)

– a few days later a judge denied the adoption because Madonna didn’t meet the eligibility requirements, specifically, she didn’t live in Malawi. (4.3.09)

– Madonna wants to build a home in Malawi, and spend $15,000,000 building an extra fancy private school for girls! So, see, that first guy was way out of line. (4.10.09)

– They gave her the little girl. (6.12.09)

– Ummm… (6.13.09 through 2.11.10)

– She had the government give her land, and kick off the people who were living there, so she could build the school. (2.12.10)

– She wore several thousand dollar outfits to the now spacious, wide open land and posed for pictures. (4.7.10)

That brings us to today, and an article in the New York Times. Guess how it’s going.

…the plans to build a $15 million school for about 400 girls in the poor southeastern African country have been officially abandoned.

When Madonna posed for that picture in the headline, at the ground breaking in April, you could see the slogan for the school was, “Dare to Dream”. It was supposed to be, “Keep Dreaming. Because I’m Not Givin You Shit,” but that wouldn’t fit on the brick.