By brendon August 12, 2010 @ 10:09 AM
JULRI WATERS – is beautiful, short, Asian, has huge breasts, and parades around naked for Playboy. In other words she’s historys most perfect girl (NSFW pictures here). Easily manipulated, she asked me to mention that she and Julia Morse (direct link to their NSFW Playboy pics here and here) are in Sturgis for the bike rally, and at the Silverado casino today and tomorrow from 1-4 signing stuff. I’m gonna go at 4 when she’s tired and see if she’ll blindly sign a marriage license. (silverado, playboy)
JIMMY KIMMEL - was on his Twitter last night asking about his computer generated “Who To Follow” suggestions. Twitter is kind of a smartass, as it turns out. (twitpic)
OKSANA GRIGORIEVA – is having her home searched for listening devices so no one can secretly record her conversations. “She’s worried either Mel or the media has planted cameras or wiretapping devices.” The balls on this chick. The judge should throw out the case just for this. Then have the bailiff go punch her in the stomach. (tmz)
TWITTER – Follow me today and you’ll receive 10 free internets. (twitter)
SOFIA VERGARA – says Madonna looks like a freak. While not opposed to plastic surgery, she says some women go to far. “That thing with the cheeks. Like Madonna. Who do they think they’re fooling? It doesn’t make them look young. You end up looking like a freak.” Keep in mind Madonnas arms look like this. She looks like an old tree. (us)
Guy Ritchie, his girlfriend Jacqui Ainsley, and his son Rocco are off the coast of Majorca today, and Guy seems cool so it’s good that he doesn’t have to deal with that mean old bitch Madonna anymore. Her body always looks dehydrated. And tough. You can see her ligaments and tendons, and her vagina is probably gritty like a cats tongue. If he ever starts to miss sex with Madonna maybe Jacqui can die for a month.
(source = pacific coast)
By brendon April 07, 2010 @ 11:44 AM
Madonna of course
stole adopted a little girl from Malawai last year, and this week the two of them returned for the groundbreaking of a new school for girls. Madonna is bankrolling most of this, but please don’t think that stopped her from looking like an elitist old cunt for even one day.
The average person in Malawai makes $160 a year, so maybe it was insensitive to wear 1000 dollar boots to christen a villages well. Her first clue should have been that they have a fucking well. If you’re someplace with a well, that place sucks.
And she wore a pair of 300 dollar sunglasses. Oh I’m sorry, two pair. From a new line of sunglasses that will be out in May called MDG. The ‘D’ stands for ‘Dolce’. The “G” stands for ‘Gabbana’. Now try and guess who the ‘M’ stands for. Hurry up and guess because I’m no good with secrets.
But I wasn’t there, I don’t know for sure. Maybe they thought her 5,000 dollar watch was neat. Maybe they were smiling and happy to see oh never mind.
(Have you guessed yet? It’s Madonna! The ‘M’ stands for ‘Madonna’.)
By brendon February 12, 2010 @ 1:19 PM
Madonna of course has adopted two kids from the African country of Malawi, her little boy Davie and her little girl Mercy, and now she’s building a 15 million dollar school for girls there. What a dynamite lady! Surely there’s no way this story could end up with Madonna looking like a self-centered bitch.
On Thursday, a government official informed 200 villagers that their land had been handed over to Madonna (so she could build her school), and asked that they move away.
Madonna paid the villagers more than $115,000 to compensate for their homes.
So far, residents have refused to move.
Tada! Madonna did it! This bitch is evil. Does anyone know if she was actually born or was there an earthquake one day and then she just rose up out of the ground. Although in this case her demands were probably unavoidable. If only Africa had some open land somewhere. But no. They don’t.
By brendon February 03, 2010 @ 1:50 PM
The Sun is reporting that Madonna and her boyfriend Jesus Luz broke up yesterday and surprisingly enough it was Jesus who initiated the split, saying the difference in their age was too much to overcome. Which is sort of the point to this. It’s weird enough that she’s 51 and he’s 23, but there’s a line between “weird” and “skin-crawlingly creepy”. And this is that line:
Madonna is 14 years older than Jesus’ mother.
I don’t mean to brag, but I only threw up once while picturing myself having sex with a woman 14 years older than my mom. I should be in some kind of tough man contest.
By brendon December 31, 2009 @ 1:40 PM
50. MADONNAS ARMS - As she approaches the end of her life, it’s good to know she’ll die as she lived; by creeping me the fuck out. (July 27th)
49. CALL OF DUTY 2 – made 310 million dollars in it’s first 24 hours. “The Dark Knight holds every Hollywood speed record, and it took them 10 days to reach 300. So I guess in hindsight that movie was a real piece of shit.” (November 12)
48. MEGAN FOX IS BISEXUAL - If Megan Fox is getting more/better pussy than me I’m gonna kill myself. (May 13th)
47 and 46. CINDY CRAWFORD AND NICOLETTE SHERIDAN - Although a combined 99 years old, these two took some of the hottest bikini pictures all year. But just so you know, the topless Crawford pictures here are from 2008, because I can’t find the ones from 2009, and I don’t have time to download new copies. This god damn list is taking forever. What a terrible idea this was. (August 6th and August 3rd)
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