PRETTY SURE THIS IS ILLEGAL

By brendon October 09, 2008 @ 10:20 AM

At her concert last night in New York City, Madonna said she would kick Sarah Palins ass if she didn't, "get off my street". Whatever the hell that means. Madonna owns the street now, I guess.  She did this of course because she thinks Sarah Palins beliefs are ridiculous. Keep in mind that Madonna wears a magic piece of red sting on her wrist to ward off evil spirits, and she believes in spells that can manipulate the laws of nature. I don't know exactly what Sarah Palin is into, but I'll bet you dollars to donuts it's no dumber than wizardry and enchanted yarn. 

TAKE THAT SARAH PALIN!

By brendon October 07, 2008 @ 12:14 PM

Madonna opened her "Sitcky and Sweet" tour last night in New York City, and in between whatever "shocking" and "edgy" nonsense she’s thought up this time, she launched one of her famous zingers at Sarah Palin.  And, oh baby, it was good.  I think.  I have no idea if it was good.  I'll be honest, I read this like 7 times, and I have absolutely no idea what the fuck Madonna is talking about.  Page Six says…

At one point during the US kickoff of her "Sticky and Sweet" tour at the Meadowlands Saturday night, the Material Mom indulged her Republican-hating ways, shouting, "Sarah Palin can't come to my party. Sarah Palin can't come to my show. It's nothing personal." Then the kabbalah queen told the crowd, "Here's the sound of Sarah Palin's husband's snowmobile when it won't start," followed by a loud screeching noise.

I suppose it's possible that Madonna’s comedy is so sophisticated and brilliant it goes right over my head, but I can't even think of one single reason why that would be considered a joke.  What does it even mean?  That there’s snow in Alaska?  Or that things make sounds when they don’t work properly?  Because yes, those things are true, but putting them together doesn’t make it a joke.  Imagine you were at work and someone in your office said that to you.  If they said, here's the sound of a washing machine that doesn’t work, KLAK KLAK KLAK.  And here's the sound of a door closing, CLOSE CLICK.   If you were wise you would throw hot coffee in their face and then run for your very life.

HAHAHA, YOU SUCK MADONNA

By brendon September 18, 2008 @ 7:49 AM

Madonna is on tour in Portugal today, and in Lisbon the other night she showed why she’s still a world-class entertainer. You may have seen old ladies dress age inappropriate and scratch their back against a wall and then fall down before, but never with this level of showmanship. 

MADONNA IS A LUNATIC

By brendon August 29, 2008 @ 10:58 AM

God only knows why, but Madonna wore little more than some black Nike Shox and a bathrobe that said "Dancing Queen" on the back as she went through security at Schoenefeld airport in Berlin, Germany last night.  Do you have to go through security if you’re on a private plane?  I guess you do because there’s no way her bourgeois ass rode commercial.  Not even up front with the rest of the aristocracy.   Unless she bought every seat, which seems like something she would do.  As I write this, it’s dawning on me for the first time, that I hate every single thing this check has done for the past 10 years.

STUFF FROM ALL OVER

By brendon August 25, 2008 @ 1:04 PM

KATE GROOMBRIDGE IS NAKED – that POA in the picture above is Kate Groombridge, a famous UK model.  I wish I were kidding when I say that this picture is like 10 years old, and it has more sentimental value to me than my parents.  Point being, she’s naked in some new movie, and JoBlo has the clips.  Not that anyone would care about something like that.

MADONNA COMPARES JOHN MCCAIN TO HITLER – this may give Obama the edge, because I bet most of the stoned gay transsexuals that make up Madonna’s audience were leaning toward McCain.  

KIM KARDASHIAN IS A DRAMA QUEEN
– remember when a source compared Kim Kardashians cut foot to a murder scene.  Oh hey guess what.

JAPANESE GOBLIN SHARK – any one of those things by itself is scary.  Put them together and you’ll shit yourself.

MADONNA IS NOT ADOPTING. OR SOMETHING.

By brendon August 14, 2008 @ 6:39 AM

Madonna’s spokesperson says today that there is no truth to the rumor that Madonna is in the process of adopting a little girl from the African nation of Malawi, despite reports from the British press, who quote sources inside the Malawi government and members of the child’s family.  Reuters says…

Spokeswoman Liz Rosenberg called the report ''completely inaccurate''. ''None of that is accurate,'' said Rosenberg, who acts as Madonna's chief spokeswoman at her Warner Records music label.
''She has not adopted a child,'' Rosenberg told Reuters.
''She went on a private visit to Malawi … to participate in the building of an orphanage and several other initiatives that are all under the auspices of an organization called Raising Malawi.''

Actually that statement is from two years ago, and it came while Madonna was adopting Davie Banda.  Yesterday she told Us, "Madonna has not made an attempt to adopt this baby earlier this year or now".   This is the problem with lying your ass off constantly.  Or maybe Liz is just completely out of the loop.  In which case she shouldn’t be the spokesperson.  Do we have any proof she really is Madonna’s spokesperson?  It doesn't sound like they’ve ever even met.