THE STATEMENT

By brendon October 15, 2008 @ 9:08 AM

Official got officialer moments ago when reps for Madonna and Guy Ritchie issued a joint statement confirming their divorce (full size here).  They request privacy during this difficult time, as you might expect from Madonna, who has always lived her life with a quiet dignity.

GUY RITCHIE / MADONNA DIVORCE – UPDATE

By brendon October 15, 2008 @ 6:47 AM

The Sun UK is reporting exclusively that, after eight years of marriage, Madonna and Guy Ritchie are set to divorce, and their announcement will be made official very soon, perhaps before the end of the week.  The divorce is expected to be finalized in as little as two weeks, by Christmas at the latest

A highly-placed source told The Sun: “It’s very sad. They were a great couple and brilliant parents. They just couldn’t live together any more.”
“Despite huge attempts to patch things up they both knew deep down that divorce was on the cards.
The source said: “Lately Guy has been putting his foot down about a lot of stuff.
“He is sick of his career taking a backseat to hers and was determined to spend as long as he had to promoting RocknRolla here, even if it meant being away from Madonna rehearsing in the US.”
They went on: “When Madonna first moved to the UK, she loved the idea of becoming an English rose. But slowly it turned sour. She decided she hated hunting and quickly dropped her ‘hobby’ of going for a pint of bitter with Guy in the local pub.
“She doesn’t have many friends here and as she has turned 50 she has become very philosophical and started wondering what it’s all about.”

I think most people would admit they’re surprised these two even made it this long.  They’re so different.  He’s 40, she’s 50.  He has a cool British accent, she sounds Irish for some reason.  He wants to stay home and raise the kids; she wants to tour the world.   He’s cool and talented; she’s an insufferable cunt.  Their love was just not meant to be.

UPDATE – TMZ says Madonnas publicist has just made the announcement and it is official, Madonna and Ritchie are seeking a divorce. 



MADONNA NEEDS TO SHAVE

By brendon October 14, 2008 @ 7:57 AM

If you’re like me, you spent the weekend making love to many many beautiful ladies.  More to the point, you didn’t think Madonna could get any sexier.  But oh baby, were we ever wrong (mostly you, though.  god you suck).  Look.  You can barely even see her beard and mustache.  Sure, in our discriminatory western culture, women aren’t supposed to be all furry, but probably there are other cultures where that kind of thing is considered hot.  Not here on earth of course but I bet somewhere.  Madonna should move there.   Then she’d be all set.

(banner picture from splash, close-up picture from bauer griffin)



BREAKING NEWS: MADONNA SUCKS

By brendon October 10, 2008 @ 6:36 AM

I swear to God, the next time I read a positive story about Madonna, a story that says what a delight she is to work with and be around, it will be the first time in about 5 years. And I’m pretty sure that last one was written by Madonna.  The Post says…

MADONNA is a demanding diva even to her peers. The Swedish pop star Robyn was psyched when the Material Mom invited her to open for a handful of her European concerts but quickly found out there are rules. Robyn told her hometown Swedish paper that she and her crew were told "not to approach Madonna, not to speak to Madonna and, above all, no pictures . . . I hadn't expected any glamour, but it's strange that they assume that the first thing you're gonna do is run after Madonna and ask for an autograph. My worst nightmare would be to turn into Madonna . . . Madonna is constantly chasing the latest trends."

I had a buddy who worked on one of her videos one time and he said she was just the most insufferable, demanding bitch you could ever imagine.  I’ve worked on a few videos too and only had that kind of trouble once.  Granted that particular video was called, "Girls At My Gym In The Shower, As Seen From The Crawlspace".

PRETTY SURE THIS IS ILLEGAL

By brendon October 09, 2008 @ 10:20 AM

At her concert last night in New York City, Madonna said she would kick Sarah Palins ass if she didn't, "get off my street". Whatever the hell that means. Madonna owns the street now, I guess.  She did this of course because she thinks Sarah Palins beliefs are ridiculous. Keep in mind that Madonna wears a magic piece of red sting on her wrist to ward off evil spirits, and she believes in spells that can manipulate the laws of nature. I don't know exactly what Sarah Palin is into, but I'll bet you dollars to donuts it's no dumber than wizardry and enchanted yarn. 

TAKE THAT SARAH PALIN!

By brendon October 07, 2008 @ 12:14 PM

Madonna opened her "Sitcky and Sweet" tour last night in New York City, and in between whatever "shocking" and "edgy" nonsense she’s thought up this time, she launched one of her famous zingers at Sarah Palin.  And, oh baby, it was good.  I think.  I have no idea if it was good.  I'll be honest, I read this like 7 times, and I have absolutely no idea what the fuck Madonna is talking about.  Page Six says…

At one point during the US kickoff of her "Sticky and Sweet" tour at the Meadowlands Saturday night, the Material Mom indulged her Republican-hating ways, shouting, "Sarah Palin can't come to my party. Sarah Palin can't come to my show. It's nothing personal." Then the kabbalah queen told the crowd, "Here's the sound of Sarah Palin's husband's snowmobile when it won't start," followed by a loud screeching noise.

I suppose it's possible that Madonna’s comedy is so sophisticated and brilliant it goes right over my head, but I can't even think of one single reason why that would be considered a joke.  What does it even mean?  That there’s snow in Alaska?  Or that things make sounds when they don’t work properly?  Because yes, those things are true, but putting them together doesn’t make it a joke.  Imagine you were at work and someone in your office said that to you.  If they said, here's the sound of a washing machine that doesn’t work, KLAK KLAK KLAK.  And here's the sound of a door closing, CLOSE CLICK.   If you were wise you would throw hot coffee in their face and then run for your very life.