AROD AND MADONNA NOT WASTING TIME

By brendon October 16, 2008 @ 10:35 AM

For months the rumor has been that Madonna has been dating Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez, and now that her divorce to Guy Ritchie has been formally announced, its assumed the two can now go public.  Rodriquez was seen at her concert two nights ago, and now they may even be planning a trip to Malawi, the impoverished African nation and home of her adopted son, David.  MSNBC says…

Now that divorce is imminent, it’s inevitable Madonna’s relationship with Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez is going to be scrutinized all over. His appearance at her Oct. 12 concert in New York City doesn't help the situation.
“Before the show (Rodriguez) wasn’t there, but after the lights went down and she started singing, he came in and sat front and center,” says a source who sat near A-Rod.
Madonna’s plans with A-Rod extend beyond the concert: the singer is reportedly planning a trip to Malawi when her tour ends, and A-Rod is said to be joining her.
A source from the Kabbalah Centre in New York City says that before that trip, “expect them to make a public appearance together at the Kabbalah Centre here.”

Why?  Why on earth would anyone date this bony pain in the ass?  Maybe the Madonna 20 years ago, but now?  She’s all used up.  She has to be so cavernous down there that she can’t even use normal female products.  I expect if she took off her pants at the right time of the month, you'd see a tail from a coonskin cap hanging out of her.

GUY RITCHIE SEEMS TO BE OKAY

By brendon October 16, 2008 @ 8:56 AM

As you might expect from a cool young director worth 60 million dollars in the middle of a divorce from his hagged old shrew wife, Guy Ritchie is doing great.  People magazine says…

"[The divorce] is news to you and everyone else, but for Guy this has been a long time coming," the friend adds. "I think he's sort of relieved that it's all out there. He doesn't have to fake it anymore."
As Madonna, 50, was back on stage in Boston, Ritchie, 40, spent Wednesday filming his movie Sherlock Holmes outside London.
Ritchie is "very excited about his film, and he's focused on that and getting on with it," says the pal. "For him, everything is really the same as before, only with more photographers. Yesterday was insane."

It's hard not to notice that Guy was great until he met Madonna and then all his movies suddenly sucked.  That’s not coincidence.  Imagine you lived in an old English mansion and this pasty white creature was floating around the creaky hallways.  You try living like that, see how creative you are.

(all pictures of Ritchie on set of his Sherlock Holmes movie, starring Robert Downey, from bauer griffin)



MADONNA “DEFINITELY” WITH A-ROD

By brendon October 15, 2008 @ 9:20 AM

The news that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are getting divorced comes on the hells of nagging rumors about the relationship between Madonna and New York Yankees third basemen Alex Rodriguez, who is also in the process of getting a divorce.  ARod was seen coming and going from Madonnas New York apartment on several occasions beginning in July, and while the two have insisted they are simply friends, Us magazine quotes a source today claiming they are "definitely romantic".

"Guy is not involved in this equation," the insider tells Usmagazine.com. "With or without A-Rod, Madonna and Guy haven't been 'together' for over a year – they have been privately separated."
An A-Rod source tells Us, "A-Rod and Madonna are more involved than ever.
"Alex has really missed spending time with Madonna. However, he understands the position Madonna's in."
The source tells Us six days ago that Madonna — who dined with Rodriguez Oct. 2 at Dos Caminos in NYC — "has agreed to be discreet about her relationship with A-Rod until her tour ends and a divorce is announced."

This is so weird.  Rodriquez is 33 and so rich he could roll around on bags of money like Scrooge McDuck if he wanted to.  Madonna is 50 and, between her cold clammy skin and the way she uses eye shadow, she looks like something that just climbed out of a well.  Add to all that the fact she’s been a whore for 35 years now.  Can you even feel anything in there at this point?  Humping her must feel like you’re fucking the curtains.

THE STATEMENT

By brendon October 15, 2008 @ 9:08 AM

Official got officialer moments ago when reps for Madonna and Guy Ritchie issued a joint statement confirming their divorce (full size here).  They request privacy during this difficult time, as you might expect from Madonna, who has always lived her life with a quiet dignity.

GUY RITCHIE / MADONNA DIVORCE – UPDATE

By brendon October 15, 2008 @ 6:47 AM

The Sun UK is reporting exclusively that, after eight years of marriage, Madonna and Guy Ritchie are set to divorce, and their announcement will be made official very soon, perhaps before the end of the week.  The divorce is expected to be finalized in as little as two weeks, by Christmas at the latest

A highly-placed source told The Sun: “It’s very sad. They were a great couple and brilliant parents. They just couldn’t live together any more.”
“Despite huge attempts to patch things up they both knew deep down that divorce was on the cards.
The source said: “Lately Guy has been putting his foot down about a lot of stuff.
“He is sick of his career taking a backseat to hers and was determined to spend as long as he had to promoting RocknRolla here, even if it meant being away from Madonna rehearsing in the US.”
They went on: “When Madonna first moved to the UK, she loved the idea of becoming an English rose. But slowly it turned sour. She decided she hated hunting and quickly dropped her ‘hobby’ of going for a pint of bitter with Guy in the local pub.
“She doesn’t have many friends here and as she has turned 50 she has become very philosophical and started wondering what it’s all about.”

I think most people would admit they’re surprised these two even made it this long.  They’re so different.  He’s 40, she’s 50.  He has a cool British accent, she sounds Irish for some reason.  He wants to stay home and raise the kids; she wants to tour the world.   He’s cool and talented; she’s an insufferable cunt.  Their love was just not meant to be.

UPDATE – TMZ says Madonnas publicist has just made the announcement and it is official, Madonna and Ritchie are seeking a divorce. 



MADONNA NEEDS TO SHAVE

By brendon October 14, 2008 @ 7:57 AM

If you’re like me, you spent the weekend making love to many many beautiful ladies.  More to the point, you didn’t think Madonna could get any sexier.  But oh baby, were we ever wrong (mostly you, though.  god you suck).  Look.  You can barely even see her beard and mustache.  Sure, in our discriminatory western culture, women aren’t supposed to be all furry, but probably there are other cultures where that kind of thing is considered hot.  Not here on earth of course but I bet somewhere.  Madonna should move there.   Then she’d be all set.

(banner picture from splash, close-up picture from bauer griffin)