HAHAHA, YOU SUCK MADONNA

By brendon May 02, 2008 @ 5:50 AM

Just let this clip load all the way then skip to 1:50 because that’s when Madonna awesomely stops singing yet you can still hear her singing.  Are the voices in your head getting louder?  Probably, yes, but also there’s plainly a background track that Madonna is just singing over at her "live" concert in New York two nights ago.  She sings and they play the song together, because if they just let her sing they might as well just turn on a cat scan machine and put the mic up to that for two hours.  Or just dial someones fax number.  There’s no way that could be any worse.


HOW CAN SHE NOT KNOW

By brendon April 18, 2008 @ 1:05 PM

I don't mind calling celebrity babies ugly if they are ugly because they're babies and their skull hasn't even hardened yet and they can't read this so fuck them, but it really feels uncool to make fun of kids like Madonnas daughter Lourdes.  So I don't want to make fun of her … but she's begging me too.  I mean, we all see that right?  How can you not see that?  You could make a mirror out of wood and still see that.  I … umm … aw jeez.

(picture source = bauer griffin)



MADONNA WANTS AN INDIAN ONE NOW

By brendon April 07, 2008 @ 6:35 AM

The Sun UK says today that Madonna is on the market for another adopted child, this time from India.   In October of 2006, she adopted an African boy named Davie (later changed to David) who Madonna chose because she said he was sick and an orphan, although in reality he was neither sick nor an orphan.  Anyway, the Sun says:

…she has her heart set on an Indian tot after a New Year holiday there. Sources said she would fly out to choose a baby after she finishes promoting her new album.
Husband Guy Ritchie, 39, is said to have agreed to the plan after they put a string of rows behind them.
The couple took kids Lourdes, 11, Rocco, seven, and adopted Malawian son David, two, to India in January.
They met Bollywood choreographer Sandip Soparrkar – who has adopted an Indian baby.
Sandip said: “We spoke about how there are so many children in India who need homes.”
A source said: “Madonna was very taken with Sandip. He told her there were orphans who would melt her heart. Guy was against the idea, but when she wants something, she gets it.”

Madonna is still an idiot, but I guess her efforts with orphans are more noble than mine, which mostly include pointing at them and saying "WHY DON'T YOU GET A FAMILY, JERK!" as I drive by in my fancy limousine.  Then me and my buddies laugh and they offer my high-fives to acknowledge my zinger.

MADONNA JUST GOT PAID

By brendon April 02, 2008 @ 6:43 AM

Even though her album "Hard Candy" doesn’t come out until April 28th, the Telegraph UK says that Madonna has already made millions off it by selling tracks for commercials and advertising.

She has signed lucrative contracts with major companies including Vodafone, Unilever and Fuji, which will use her music to sell products from hairspray to mobile –phones.
The deals, which involve more than half the tracks on the album, have not only earned the London-based mother of three a not-so-small fortune, they will ensure her album receives free global publicity ahead of its release.
Madonna's deal with Vodafone means the network's customers will be able to listen to seven tracks one week before the album's worldwide release on April 28. It is the first time an artist has launched an album on a mobile phone.
Her new single, 4 Minutes, is already being used in a commercial for Unilever's Sunsilk hair care range.
Madonna has also licensed Miles Away, expected to be the album's second single, as the theme for a drama called Change on Japan's Fuji TV.
John Reid, the president of Warner Music, said: "It's not about upfront payments, it's about selling the product. She is a very smart businesswoman who wants to sell a lot of albums.  These companies want their customers to know about their links with Madonna. They are going to promote the deals and her music online and in extensive television, radio and press adverts."

These companies were very wise to hitch their star to Madonna’s wagon.  I know when I choose a phone, I think to myself, "what would a veiny old lady buy in this situation".  It's why I got the Jitterbug.  Problem solved!


MADONNA IS PRETTY LIKE A FLOWER

By brendon March 31, 2008 @ 10:25 AM

if you're a guy, and you think Madonna is attractive, congratulations.  You just came out of the closet.


UMM … WHAT

By brendon March 11, 2008 @ 9:57 AM

Madonna is so hardcore I can barely even believe it.  Im scared to even turn on my computer some days, for fear her shocking antics may leap from my browser and attack my safe little life of conformity.  Last night she was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and she opened by calling the audience “motherfuckers” and then telling about the time she smoked a joint. Oh, these rockers!  Why do they have to be so rebellious?  Us magazine says

She gleefully recalled when she met her long-time publicist Liz Rosenberg. She was "smoking a joint,” Madonna said. She also told the crowd she split a tab of ecstasy with a music executive who she gave her first demo tape to.
The 49-year-old pop star then mimicked Michael Jackson in a squeaky voice, describing how she went after and stole Jackson’s manager.
Iggy Pop, who she said was “another ass kisser from Michigan," performed her hits "Ray of Light” and “Burning Up.”
Madonna blamed her racy speech on Justin Timberlake, who introduced her with his own ribald jokes and mocking. "He's bringing sexy back," she said, "I’ll get you f!"

Madonna sucks, she's always sucked, and the only trophy she should get these days is Worlds Greatest Gramdma.  And to be given a music award by Justin Timberlake just seems sarcastic.  It's twice as bad as getting no award at all.