By Lex February 09, 2015 @ 9:17 AM
There’s that moment when you realize you’re watching Madonna with the Alvin Ailey rejected applicants prancing behind her and you just want to brush your Chucky doll’s hair and forget about the world for a while. Fuck me, Grammy’s. You got me again. That aging grandma matador, that funky looking Australian rapper who looked like the queen in an albino chess set, and Taylor Swift who climbed to the top of the Staples Center roof and dared the biplanes to shoot her down. Somewhere in there they passed out all the awards to that sensitive British dude who who looks like the boy who rescues his cousin who didn’t get invited to the prom. Then handed Beck some ginormous trophy just to remind everybody Grammy voters simply still aren’t comfortable with black people winning the big awards. When this Sia chick showed up with the twelve year old girl who’s mom she paid to let her be raped by Shia LaBeouf I knew it was time to switch to Downton Abbey. It’s amazing what feels manly after an hour of the Grammy’s.
Photo credits: FameFlynet/Getty Images
By Jack January 05, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Madonna had to apologize after posting several pictures of Black leaders like Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela dressed like she is on her new shitty album cover. For some reason people thought it was asinine and racist that she was equating herself with MLK. I mean, she fucked Vanilla Ice for that SEX picture book, isn’t that the same as Selma?
Read all about Madonna’s backpedaling. (TMZ)
Rihanna wears a bikini and it is pretty hot. (Huffington Post)
Here is a look up Ginger Spice’s skirt and it isn’t very pretty. (Drunken Stepfather)
Stephanie Knight shows off her big ol’ titties in a tiny bikini. (Hollywood Tuna)
I would like to play connect the dots with Nadine Leopold’s boob freckles. (Popoholic)
Some deluded dude tries to get Kristen Stewart’s autograph and she gets piiiissssed. (Dlisted)
Valerie Van Der Graaf uses her tits to sell Passionata lingerie. (COED)
By Matt December 22, 2014 @ 6:33 AM
Madonna had a bunch of unreleased tracks hacked which came as a shock to everybody who assumed she stopped making music in 1995. Madonna described the hack as an “act of terrorism.” This came on the same day 132 children were killed in Pakistan, marking a true tragedy in that they only got to hear the un-mixed versions of the shit they play in the bathrooms at gay bars before their gooses were splattered. Now she’s apologized, although she wants you to know she’s still really uncomfortable. She explained how the Internet is a Series of Tubes which has left her vulnerable to the hackers who spy through her bathtub drain. Unclear whether they can see anything worse than you cornholing a dude with a strap-on, which you’ve published in a book because you’re so edgy. My guess is it’s far more boring. In fact, given nobody cares, I’ll confirm it.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Jack December 17, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
Dessicated crone Madonna crawled out from her cave where she eats fish tails and strokes The Precious to complain about her new songs getting leaked. She called it “artistic rape” which for one illusory moment made her music seemed compelling.
Madonna will swallow your soul, hackers! (Dlisted)
Justin Bieber wants to sing Gospel music. It’s like crucifying Jesus all over again. (TMZ)
Get ready to light up them cigars, boys. Obama is lifting a lot of restrictions on Cuba. (Huffington Post)
You want to see Olivia Wilde’s pussy lips? (Drunken Stepfather)
Luci Ford covered topless is better than most totally topless pics. (Hollywood Tuna)
Daniela Lopez Osorio es muy caliente! (Popoholic)
Paris Hilton flashes her cum encrusted panties in a limo because Paris Hilton. (The Superficial)
By Lex December 02, 2014 @ 10:09 AM
Dammit, Madonna, stop being so provocative. I don’t always want to feel compelled to reevaluate my feelings as they relate to dominant medial culture constructs. No offense to the ninety-seven 2-pt font names of people who made Photoshop possible. You actually did wonders to make Skeletor’s teats resemble human breasts one might pay five quid to shag in the water closet of a Bristol area pub. It’s probably time for grandma to holster those hangers and consider taking up quilting. Not because she’s old and creepy, but mostly because of that.
Photo Credit: Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott for Interview Magazine
By Jack August 18, 2014 @ 1:43 PM
Justin Timberlake is in all kinds of trouble with the Internet after he called desiccated crone Madonna “his ninja”. By that he didn’t mean a medieval Japanese assassin but rather a stand in for that other n-word. You know, the one your grandfather calls the President.
Read all about the stupid N-word outrage. (Huffington Post)
Old Jewish woman Gene Simmons apologizes for being such an asshole…again. (Dlisted)
Nina Agdal in a bikini is guaranteed to improve your day (and dick). (The Superficial)
Emily Ratajkowski in lingerie is the mustest of must sees. (Popoholic)
Justin Bieber is porking Selena Gomez again. She must really hate herself. (Celebslam)
That ice bucket challenge thing is annoying. Unless it’s done to the Cowboy’s cheerleaders. (Busted Coverage)
Bar Refaeli is in a bikini where she belongs. (Drunken Stepfather)