Terrorists Get Desperate, Target Madonna

By Matt December 22, 2014 @ 6:33 AM

Madonna had a bunch of unreleased tracks hacked which came as a shock to everybody who assumed she stopped making music in 1995. Madonna described the hack as an “act of terrorism.” This came on the same day 132 children were killed in Pakistan, marking a true tragedy in that they only got to hear the un-mixed versions of the shit they play in the bathrooms at gay bars before their gooses were splattered. Now she’s apologized, although she wants you to know she’s still really uncomfortable. She explained how the Internet is a Series of Tubes which has left her vulnerable to the hackers who spy through her bathtub drain. Unclear whether they can see anything worse than you cornholing a dude with a strap-on, which you’ve published in a book because you’re so edgy. My guess is it’s far more boring. In fact, given nobody cares, I’ll confirm it.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Madonna Overreacts And Shit Around The Web

By Jack December 17, 2014 @ 12:00 PM


Dessicated crone Madonna crawled out from her cave where she eats fish tails and strokes The Precious to complain about her new songs getting leaked. She called it “artistic rape” which for one illusory moment made her music seemed compelling.

Madonna will swallow your soul, hackers! (Dlisted)

Justin Bieber wants to sing Gospel music. It’s like crucifying Jesus all over again. (TMZ)

Get ready to light up them cigars, boys. Obama is lifting a lot of restrictions on Cuba. (Huffington Post)

You want to see Olivia Wilde’s pussy lips? (Drunken Stepfather)

Luci Ford covered topless is better than most totally topless pics. (Hollywood Tuna)

Daniela Lopez Osorio es muy caliente! (Popoholic)

Paris Hilton flashes her cum encrusted panties in a limo because Paris Hilton. (The Superficial)

Madonna Topless Until Somebody Stops Her

By Lex December 02, 2014 @ 10:09 AM

Madonna Topless For Interview Magazine
Dammit, Madonna, stop being so provocative. I don’t always want to feel compelled to reevaluate my feelings as they relate to dominant medial culture constructs. No offense to the ninety-seven 2-pt font names of people who made Photoshop possible. You actually did wonders to make Skeletor’s teats resemble human breasts one might pay five quid to shag in the water closet of a Bristol area pub. It’s probably time for grandma to holster those hangers and consider taking up quilting. Not because she’s old and creepy, but mostly because of that.

Photo Credit: Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott for Interview Magazine

Madonna Is A Ninja And Shit Around The Web

By Jack August 18, 2014 @ 1:43 PM


Justin Timberlake is in all kinds of trouble with the Internet after he called desiccated crone Madonna “his ninja”. By that he didn’t mean a medieval Japanese assassin but rather a stand in for that other n-word. You know, the one your grandfather calls the President.

Read all about the stupid N-word outrage. (Huffington Post)

Old Jewish woman Gene Simmons apologizes for being such an asshole…again. (Dlisted)

Nina Agdal in a bikini is guaranteed to improve your day (and dick). (The Superficial)

Emily Ratajkowski in lingerie is the mustest of must sees. (Popoholic)

Justin Bieber is porking Selena Gomez again. She must really hate herself. (Celebslam)

That ice bucket challenge thing is annoying. Unless it’s done to the Cowboy’s cheerleaders. (Busted Coverage)

Bar Refaeli is in a bikini where she belongs. (Drunken Stepfather)

Madonna Posts A Vagina Pic

By Lex August 06, 2014 @ 1:27 PM

Madonna Posts A Vagina Selfie To Instagram
Rattled by all the attention her daughter has been receiving for her nubile tits, Madonna leapt into action and posted a picture of her old lady crotch on Instagram. It was a bold move considering Madonna usually saves her social media cache for uniformed views on geopolitics, politically correct social campaigns, and pictures of herself tonguing young Moroccan men on the nipple ring. It’s probably not easy watching your living skeletal remains in the mirror and looking outside to see all the young boys getting boners for your daughter. I’m sure she loves her offspring, just as certainly as I’m sure she will soon bind her in a dungeon and drain her body of blood she will mix into a Fountain of Youth demonic soup with toast points. It’s not evil if you’re just trying to maintain.

Photo Credit: Madonna/Instagram

Katy Perry And Madonna And Some Intergenerational Bondage

By Lex May 22, 2014 @ 2:21 PM

Katy Perry And Madonna In A S&M Photo Shoot For V Magazine
I’m going to go ahead and guess this was Madonna’s idea. Katy Perry has gone through too many boyfriends to be passionate about kink. Personally, I dig this kind of artistic expression. I only wish it were real. I’d like to see Katy Perry pull Madonna’s hair hard while yelling out, “I’m not you in my future, you sickly old Skeletor bitch!”  I’m just throwing that out there, Katy can yell out whatever the hell she wants, so long as she pulls hard and makes Madonna regret this whole bondage thing as a way to still get attention at 75.

Photo Credit: V Magazine