By Lex August 06, 2014 @ 1:27 PM
Rattled by all the attention her daughter has been receiving for her nubile tits, Madonna leapt into action and posted a picture of her old lady crotch on Instagram. It was a bold move considering Madonna usually saves her social media cache for uniformed views on geopolitics, politically correct social campaigns, and pictures of herself tonguing young Moroccan men on the nipple ring. It’s probably not easy watching your living skeletal remains in the mirror and looking outside to see all the young boys getting boners for your daughter. I’m sure she loves her offspring, just as certainly as I’m sure she will soon bind her in a dungeon and drain her body of blood she will mix into a Fountain of Youth demonic soup with toast points. It’s not evil if you’re just trying to maintain.
Photo Credit: Madonna/Instagram
By Lex May 22, 2014 @ 2:21 PM
I’m going to go ahead and guess this was Madonna’s idea. Katy Perry has gone through too many boyfriends to be passionate about kink. Personally, I dig this kind of artistic expression. I only wish it were real. I’d like to see Katy Perry pull Madonna’s hair hard while yelling out, “I’m not you in my future, you sickly old Skeletor bitch!” I’m just throwing that out there, Katy can yell out whatever the hell she wants, so long as she pulls hard and makes Madonna regret this whole bondage thing as a way to still get attention at 75.
Photo Credit: V Magazine
By Travis May 06, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
Poor, old, pathetic and desperate Madonna. All she wanted to do last night was attend the Met Gala, but when she shared the dress that she wanted to wear with Anna Wintour, Madonna was told, “Not this year.” As you can see in the photo that she posted on Instagram, the dress she picked out would have had her 55-year old tits on full display for everyone at the event, and we all owe Anna a great deal of gratitude for keeping us from having to see those things. Unfortunately, Madonna claims that she used the free time last night to stay home and work on music instead, so fuck you very much for that, Anna Wintour.
By Travis March 21, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Now that 55-year old Madonna has learned what hashtags are, she is continuing her campaign of emptiness on Instagram by posting random stupid pictures with meaningless messages like #artforrevolution and #rebelheart. The latest is this photo of her with some bright gold armpit hair and the message “Long hair…… Don’t Care!!!!!!” because, oh my God, she’s so fucking brave, you guys. Women everywhere don’t shave their armpits, but look at the way that the wealthy old lady is really sticking it to modern society’s norms with an inch or two of hair that it probably fake. She’s really making everyone reconsider the way they look at art, and if this is any indication of what is considered “edgy” for a pop star, expect Miley Cyrus to be posting photos of her full bush by the end of the weekend.
By Travis March 17, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
A very well-respected and honored member of the Jewish religion, Madonna showed off her appreciation for the costume party angle of Purim by posting a shot of her dressed as Daenerys from Game of Thrones on Instagram yesterday. Get it? Because Madonna thinks that she’s a queen, and Daenerys is a queen, and even though Madonna is 29 years older than Emilia Clarke, who has probably slept with several thousand fewer men, the race for which of them is sexier is clearly neck and neck since Madonna is so youthful and attractive all these years later. She also posted a photo of her and a man wearing a Jesus mask, because you know that she’s had sex with a guy who was dressed like Jesus at least a few hundred times, just so she can truly believe that she raw dogged the son of God. I also included the picture of Madonna licking her shower glass because everyone should start off their Monday by feeling sick.
By Travis January 31, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
Hot off her critically-mentioned duet with Miley Cyrus at MTV Unplugged, Madonna left her Pilates class in Los Angeles yesterday with a subtle message for all of her haters. The hip and edgy 55-year old wore a beanie that bore the message, “Calm the Fuck Down” on it, and she makes a hell of a point. Instead of facing the little things head on, like how she referred to her adopted African son as the N-word and then dragged him to the Grammys like a prop, or simply aging gracefully with sophistication like most women her age, Madge continues to approach life like a guy who puts bumper stickers on his card to let the world knows how he feels about Obama. At this rate, we can expect her to handle her next stupid controversy by wearing a “Who farted?” t-shirt to the Nobel Prize ceremony.
Photo Credits: STS/WENN.com