this is supposed to be Madonna

By brendon November 20, 2012 @ 4:34 PM

311283_101513291153

Remember, a few years ago, when Madonna did some ads for Dolce and Gabbana, and later some pictures from the photo shoot got out, pictures that hadn’t gone through the Avatar-style computer effects program required to make her look sexy? Which meant we could all see the difference, which was this:

Photoshopped Madonna = frail ingenue.
Unphotoshopped Madonna = Vietnam nurse.

Photoshopped Madonna = demure and alluring.
Unphotoshopped Madonna = homeless and loitering.

Photoshopped Madonna = “Your date is intoxicating.”
Unphotoshopped Madonna = “Your aunt is intoxicated.”

Do you remember all that? Because she’s doing it again with this new perfume ad on facebook last night. If you don’t remember it, you can look it up. I really feel I’ve given you enough to go on.

Madonna fell down, flopped around like a spaz

By brendon October 23, 2012 @ 5:55 PM








I got pretty excited when I heard that Madonna fell during her concert in Dallas, because I was picturing an Owen Hart type fall where she would literally die. And while it was fun to see her flail around like a fish someone dropped on a dock, her fall was more spazzy than fatal.

I still got my hopes up for a second because she’s an old lady and maybe she’d break some important bones but she didn’t. Stupid calcium. I’ll get you for this!

Madonna is still an awful, self centered bitch

By brendon October 15, 2012 @ 4:54 PM








Finally there’s some good footage of Madonna during her concert at Staples Center in LA, once again using the misfortune of others to get applause for herself.

This time she stopped everything to talk about Malala Yousafzai, the 14-year-old Pakastani girl who was shot twice in the head for standing up to the Taliban and insisting women have a right to an education. Madonna was so outraged by this that she had someone write Malalas name on her back with a sharpie then walked around in a bra. How moving!

“This made me cry. The 14-year-old schoolgirl who wrote a blog about going to school. The Taliban stopped her bus and shot her. Do you realize how sick that is?”

Oh is it, because I didn’t pick on that. But that’s just your opinion, Madonna. I bet if you took a poll across the US asking wether young girls should be shot in the head on their way to school, the majority would be for it, but Madonna is so edgy and controversial, she doesn’t even care if she upsets all those people. Talk about having courage in your convictions. You go Madonna, Fight The Power!

Madonna is still really really controversial, sexy

By brendon September 25, 2012 @ 6:48 PM

Madonna was in Washington DC last night to subject yet another town to her MDNA Tour, but also to promise that she’ll strip naked if Obama is re-elected and to bore everyone with another wholly inaccurate lecture on world affairs.

“Y’all better vote for f–king Obama, OK? For better or for worse, all right? We have a black Muslim in the White House. Now that’s some amazing s–t.”

This should go without saying, but Obama is neither black nor Muslim.

“It means there is hope in this country.”

Because she thinks he’s Muslim, and you can’t help but be impressed with Muslim countries. Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan… each one more delightful than the last.

“And Obama is fighting for gay rights, so support the man, goddamnit.”

It sure was brave of Madonna to stand up to the 10,000 gay guys in her audience and demand that they support gay rights. “Boooo,” I bet the gay guys all yelled. “I’m votin for Romney, not sum queer lovin A-rab.”

“I’ve seen some scary things. I’ve seen people being locked up and put in jail for speaking their minds, for being gay, for not practicing the right religion, for not dressing the proper way.”

So does Madonna sing any songs during her concert, or is it just her listing things she saw in the USA Today.

Madonna was boo’d, called a slut by her own fan club

By brendon July 27, 2012 @ 10:03 AM

Madonnas concert in Paris last night was special because it was in the famous l’Olympia concert hall, which has only 2700 seats, so tickets, which went for as much as $360, were only available to members of her official fan club before going on sale to the public.

It was also special because Madonna left after just 45 minutes on stage, which is when her fan club boo’d, demand their money back, and called her a slut. The Hollywood Reporter says…

After Madonna left the stage, fans remained in their seats booing and yelling insults like “salope,” the French word for “slut.”
Madonna took the stage about 10:15p.m. and finished around 11.
After the show, many fans gathered in the streets in front of the theater and yelled “remboursez! remboursez!” (“give us our money back!”).

Oh but don’t worry, 45 minutes was more than enough time to give one of her sanctimonious lectures, this time about why she points guns at the audience and a runs a video that puts swastikas on people.

“And it’s not my intention to make enemies…it’s my intention to promote tolerance. And when we can start saying that we have to get rid of this person or we have to get rid of that person, because then we’ll have a better place, it starts to sound like something else; it starts to sound like something scary.
“So the next time you want to point the finger at somebody and blame them for a problem in your life, take that finger and point it back at you.”

Holy shit. How profound. She is so smart. Her philosophy is a mix of eastern religion and the stuff written under Snapple lids.

Madonna tours with an anti-aging machine. Which is totally working.

By brendon July 26, 2012 @ 1:40 PM

madonna_anti_aging_machine

While in Paris today for her MDNA tour, someone working for Madonna carried a machine made by Intraceuticals to her hotel room. It claims to “hydrate, lift and tighten, and improve the appearance of the skin.” So I don’t know if they’re being sarcastic or what. Maybe Madonnas just using it wrong her because when she isn’t flexing her skin hangs off her like she doesn’t have any bones.

(image source = inf, wenn)