Madonna is back in Africa today to trick the government of Malawi into letting her adopt a little girl, and so far it’s going great, with Madonnas effortless charm enchanting everyone she comes in contact with.
Yesterday the singer was branded a ‘child kidnapper’ by the executive director of Malawi’s Human Rights Consultative Committee.
‘We feel Madonna is behaving like a bully,’ added the national co-ordinator, after the court hearing. ‘She has money, she has status, she is using her profile to manipulate the procedures.’
But then Madonna showed up at the hearing wearing this simple black dress and conservative hat, and that dude said, “oh my bad. I see now that you’re very conservative. This totally negates the last 25 years of whoring. At first I was skeptical, but then you put on white stockings, thus transforming you in a pious woman of simple pleasures forever.” And then he banged a gavel and yelled, “case dismissed!”
(there’s no good reason to ever put up Madonna pictures, but especially not if someone has a set labeled, “donkeys enjoying the sunshine”. source = fame and splash)
This is reportedly Mercy James, the little girl in Malawi that Madonna will try to officially adopt starting Monday. And not a moment too soon. I don’t know what those brown smudges are all over the wall but there’s no way they’re anything good. God only knows what that blue sheet she’s standing on is supposed to hide. What’s on the floor? Is there even a floor?
(image source = fame)
ASHLEE SIMPSON – Page Six says, “Party animals-turned-parents Ashlee and Pete are having trouble … ‘(they’re) on the rocks. He is going out all the time and she's stuck at home’ ”. The story is way better if you just read, “Ashlee and Pete are on the rocks … stuck … in trouble … animals”. (source = page six)
MADONNA – an official in Malawi says Madonna has filed adoption papers and will travel there this weekend for a procedural hearing. She says, “I am the template or the role model for future adoptions.” She’s definitely my adoption role model. Her secret is to apply to the proper agencies then fill out the paperwork. The old way was not only inefficient, it was dangerous, hundreds of kids died. (source = BBC)
LINDSAY LOHAN – the only movie she's finished in two years, “Labor Pains”, is skipping theatres and will premiere on ABC Family. Which isn’t related to Marisa Miller on a motorbike in any way, but I already loaded these and didn’t feel like doing other ones. ta-da! (source = us magazine)
KIM KARDASHIAN - “Everyone was laughing at her.” Because she can’t pronounce “philanthropy”. As you might guess, that came up when she emceed the Rush Philanthropic benefit. There's no video, so just picture a whore playing Password. “Phil-a … fila-hoppy … feel … the … throbbing? Feel The Throbbing?!?!” (source = gatecrasher)
MADONNA – she wants to adopt another child from Malawi, but there’s a problem. She’s a slut. “That she is linked to another woman's husband and a young man less than half her age makes us question her morals.” Hahaha. Malawi still sells slaves (here) and pulls out a girl’s clitoris with their fingernails (here), and even they think Madonna sucks. That's like getting kicked out of the Klan because they've had it with your language. (source = daily news)
JESSICA LOWNDES – “90210” had its season one wrap party over the weekend, and Jessica bent over and pushed her tits together with her arms, upgrading her status with me from “who?” to “enchantress!” (source = splash)
Madonna’s new … whatever, that model dude who is clearly gay but she hangs out with, is 22. She’s 50. Brace yourself for shocking news, because he may be looking around. The Sun UK says…
Jesus was seen tenderly clasping lingerie model Luciana Costa as they swayed to the music in his home city of Rio. Jesus held Luciana close and whispered in her ear — and onlookers claimed they started kissing.
(A source said): “They danced together very close lots of times. He whispered things in her ear, grabbed her hand, put his hand around her waist. He’d had a little to drink and it seemed clear he was after something.”
Early the next day the pair were snapped as they ventured out for a Sunday stroll.
This alleged lingerie model (the lumpy big nosed mess here) is pretty damn ugly too. And she’s 31. This guy is a fuckin weirdo. Madonna is all dehydrated and leathery, her vagina must feel like your penis is in a sock filled with sand. Thank god I don’t see a turtle or coconut in these pictures. This pervert might try to fuck it.
(image source = splash news)
I can’t say “brasserie” without giggling, but Guy Ritchie and Elle Macpherson spent about 4 hours having dinner at the Notting Hill Brasserie in London last night. Hopefully Madonna has already killed herself because all she cares about is winning, which is why she’s dating that androgynous young man doing this for the attention, but Elle is way way better than that twink (she looked like this in a bikini a few months ago and this out of a bikini about a year ago), so the score is, Guys Penis: 1. Madonnas Diseased Womb: Dusty.
(image source = splash news)
