The word geek used to mean you were a socially awkward Princess Leia masturbating Radio Shack sales clerk. Now it means you’re a socially awkward Princess Leia masturbating mobile app developer. The income differential has allowed the geeks to advance up the social ladder. They’ve even got their own award show where they invited a bunch of affordable older chicks to come fill their tug vaults for another lean winter.
When the bullies and jocks dominated the social order, they were dicks, but simple and obvious in their feral demands. Now that the bespectacled kids with scoliosis are running the town, retribution is extensive, merciless, and unnerving. Hey, remember how hilarious it was when you knocked my math notebooks on the ground? Congratulations, your FICO score is now 300 and you’re wanted in Virginia for sex crimes. Who’s laughing now, able bodied jokemeister?
Maitland Ward dressed up as a green Star Trek character to attend Comic Con. It’s odd aliens look exactly like humans except they’re green or wear a headband as their sunglasses or a shoe on their head. While her behavior would not be noteworthy on face value, she also made a video and posted a series of photos where you can see her genitals. I think redheads are probably the devil’s henchmen and should be avoided at all costs but these are pretty hot. Think porn but less assne. Ward did the same thing last year and probably got fucked by a klingon on the changing table of a public bathroom. I’ll never be able to look at Boy Meets World the same way again. Meaning I’ve never watched it and will continue that trend. Nice asshole.
Super Bowl Sunday is a big day for girls with big yabbos to post pictures of themselves on Instagram. Nobody but your mother and your astrologist are going to look. Go ahead and try out some football themed shots of your tits. It’s like free skate. Sketch a few new poses and move them from paper to the Internet. All you need is a photo buddy and Hef’s Sammy Baugh autographed football. I promise you he won’t notice it’s missing.
Two girls tickling each other’s vaginas with feathers will never be wrong. I don’t care if that Charlie Hebdo terrorist fugitive chick started tonguing Joan Rivers’ cadaver, I’d watch and throw in some cash. It starts at high school parties watching girls with poor self-esteem being prodded to make out. It quickly escalates to Jenna Haze banging her onscreen horny roommate with a strap-on. Watching sex without having to see another dude’s sweaty junk. It’s inherently beautiful. Go on about your business, girls. Mom and me will be in the other room listening to our disco records.
I like that this chick tried on a bunch of New Year’s Eve dresses solely to see which best highlighted her spectacular boobs. Women have a thousand different bits of jargon to describe how perfect a certain dress is, but it always boils down to, does this dress make my tits look amazing. Once you get past the pretense, you can cut your shopping time by an easy ninety percent. Will the men be cranking their necks to check out my rack? Yes, no, no, yes, no, no, no, yes. I’ll take these three, please.