I wonder what it must be like to be a chick like Maria Menounos. To come out of your mama with the destiny of looking incredibly hot your entire life. She was probably the cute girl who got all the compliments back in school. Then the teen beauty queen. The adult woman who every guy and some ardent ladies wants to nail. She’ll be the hot mom, and, at some point, the senior citizen that dudes with those fetish dreams all think about lifting up her housedress, lowering her support hose, and making some sweet granny squirts. I’m not saying it’s the be all end all of existence. I’m just saying it’s probably better than being not that girl.

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Maria Menounos should be hosting a television show for straight males. While I’m sure she’s got great on-screen presence, connects well with women, and can giggle like she really means it when interviewing Snooki, her true talents are being wasted by not being beamed onto the screens of millions of red-blooded males who could care less about what designer she’s wearing. Unless that designer does get her into a tight green dress that shows off her amazing ass. Then we do care. Just not enough to watch her throw it back to A.C. Slater.

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I’ve never understood the draw of those faceless sex toys they sell for men to experience the joy of pussy without having to work or pay or beg for it. I understand the appeal of the ease of access, but I’m in the camp that if you don’t care what you’re sticking your dick into so long as you get off, you’re just a hop, skip, and a jump away from being rousted by the cops at a truck stop glory hole.

Sex dolls for the 99-percent won’t catch on until they look and feel like Maria Menounos. Maybe ten years from now, maybe fifty, but at some point, there are going to be warm, comforting, exact replicas of women like Maria who never say they’re too tired or on the rag or that they know you’d rather fuck their sister than them so why not go and do that. At that point, you’re going to want to have your money in the sex doll companies.

Photo credit: WENN/FameFlynet