Maria Menounos Has Ass Will Travel

By Lex July 15, 2014 @ 1:46 PM

Maria Menounos Shows Off Her Booty In A Tight Skirt At NBCUniversal's 2014 Summer TCA Tour
Maria Menounos celebrated her new show that will be exactly like her old show by wearing a skintight skirt in front of TV critics at the NBCUniversal gig. My thoughtful assessment of Maria’s new show is that I’d like to take Maria over my knee and spank the collagen in her ass until I’ve reshaped it into the spitting image of Woodrow Wilson.

I’m equally excited to join a team of hosts and producers that are amongst the finest in our industry — Maria Menounos in her moving publicity statement.

That sounded pretty swank until I realized her new gossip magazine show is on E!. So I think she forgot the part about joining a team of anorexics and vile hags who hate Chelsea Handler for fucking her way into the best gig at E!. Still, a job is a job. If Maria isn’t soon asking Kelly Osbourne to fat cry on camera while talking about entering rehab for the sixth time, may I lose my eyesight and never see Maria’s ass again. Predictions without stakes are just guesses.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, Getty

Maria Menounos To Leave Extra, Or Not

By Lex March 26, 2014 @ 2:58 PM

Maria Menounos is either leaving her gig on Extra or not. According to highly almost never reliable Page Six, Maria’s contract isn’t being renewed because she’s a diva who hates AC Slater and is asking for too much money. That all seems pretty logical to me. Maria’s fall back position is her awesome new reality show on Oxygen featuring her and her long time boyfriend who both live in her parents home because it’s Greek tradition to force your parents to listen to some dude slop banging their daughter well into her 30′s. Her plan B is to explore new opportunities. Plan C is finding a boyfriend who can afford a house. She’s covered, though if I were her I’d switch the order of my backup plans. I didn’t actually believe Maria was leaving that smiling mannequins daily strip show of hers until she went on Opie and Anthony and denied it. She’s not a particularly good liar. For some reason, I always expect women with nice asses to be smoother at the sinister skills.

Photo Credit: Getty

Maria Menounos Desperate to Get One Male Viewer

By Lex February 27, 2014 @ 4:10 PM

Maria Menounos Cleavy Dressed Like A Showgirl On The Set Of 'Extra'
I’m worried that if I watch I ever watch Extra, my balls will shrivel up like a time lapse clip on how grapes are made into raisins. Even the rugged presence of AC Slater can’t elevate that show to baseline masculine viewing standards. Still, they’ve got Maria Menounos showing off her body, which is a nice interlude for celebrities smiling broadly and pretending they won’t be cutting themselves later that evening as punishment for being 33 and still playing a high school vampire on television. I don’t know exactly why people enjoy watching shows where everybody is lying. You might as well flip on C-SPAN or watch a movie where Tom Cruise seduces a woman.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

Maria Menounos Has Stamina

By Lex January 17, 2014 @ 3:06 PM

Maria Menounos Works Out In A Sports Bra For A Photo Shoot With FitnessRx For Women Magazine
Back in the day, you could spy on a woman getting out of her gym clothes and if you got caught, you might receive a shriek or a smack in the face. Now you get arrested, jailed, and put up on a website as a blue dot for the rest of your life. You end up pulling the holiday shift in the shoe department at Macy’s. America kind of lost its fun along the way. I blame men who wear colorful sweaters. Those sackless mofos have let the happy hiss out of this country like air escaping a party balloon I bet Maria Menounos would get a kick out of finding me in her HVAC duct spying on her removing her sweaty sports bra. We’d have a good laugh, maybe share a couple ouzos, and mate like the last two rabbits on the planet. Then I’d wake up and find myself with an ankle bracelet and a fat lady’s swollen foot in my hand in Macy’s Footwear. Because life just isn’t randomly kind.

Photo Credit: FitnessRx For Women Magazine/Facebook

Maria Menounos Had A Nice Vacation

By Travis January 06, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

Extra host Maria Menounos has been enjoying a little quality vacation time down in Los Cabos, and it certainly looks like she’s benefiting from the rest and relaxation. Just look at how she smiles as she realizes that she’s being photographed in her bikini, almost as if she’s saying, “I look forward to the positive attention that I’ll receive from people talking about my ridiculous body.” Or maybe she was watching as a van full of Mexican drug cartel assassins arrived to chop the photographers’ heads off, because it could have honestly been either of those things.

Photo Credits: WENN.com

Maria Menounos In A Bikini in Greece

By Lex June 20, 2013 @ 2:07 PM

Maria Menounos In A Bikini At The Beach In Greece
I bet when Maria Menounos goes back to Greece everybody treats her like a conquering hero. She’s off in America working with Slater from Saved by the Bell. She got to go the Kardashian baby shower. But maybe some people are just haters. Call her, Big City Maria. Talk about how she thinks she’s too good for them now. Hurl unbrined olives at her head. But then everybody gets together in the end and dances with monkeys and organ grinders and big bowls of yogurt. Then I have sex with Maria. This is my movie.

Photo Credit: INF