Maria Shriver Is Anti Miley Cyrus

By Matt December 11, 2014 @ 8:08 AM

Cyrus

Maria Shriver reportedly disapproves of her potentially legitimate child Patrick Schwarzenegger dating Miley Cyrus because she’s best known for getting wasted and having midgets spread her ass cheeks for screaming teens and naughty Hungarian men who remember strip clubs under Communist rule. Shriver reportedly cancelled her trip to Art Basel in Miami when she found out Cyrus would be there with her son smoking a joint in pasties and drinking herself into a full Cosby ready stupor. Shriver is a real stickler for character. That’s why she married a dude with a dozen credible sexual harassment suits on file who liked to fuck things that moved within in his sightline. Its unclear if Patrick gives a shit what his perma-scowl faced mother thinks, since it is unclear whether his trust fund has kicked in or not. Based on who he’s bringing to Christmas Dinner I’d say probably yes.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Maria Shriver Struck First

By Matt September 03, 2014 @ 8:28 AM

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Maria Shriver splayed the victim when it became public her husband had banged a mini-me into the frumpy house maid, but Maria was apparently cheating on Arnold as well. Shriver has just recently begun publicly dating Matthew Dowd, Arnold’s former gubernatorial campaign manager, but according to semi-reliable sources, they’ve been hide-a-humping each other for decades. That’s a lot of back room banging. Arnold froze Dowd out of his campaign after his fingers were found stinking of  Maria’s grim cooch. Its unclear why Maria’s affair did not go public, though it could be because the press loves Maria Shriver as 94% of them still masturbate to JFK, while pretty much everybody has hated Schwarzenegger at least since he got clown hair and started abusing Terminator lines on the campaign trail. I suppose Maria and Arnold were just two practical souls who realized their marriage was good for both of them, but that didn’t mean they wanted to see each other naked.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

Patrick Schwarzenegger Is Banging His Mom

By Lex April 01, 2013 @ 1:07 PM

Maria Shriver Family Beach
Somebody is not handling his parents messy divorce so well. Patrick Schwarzenegger is nineteen, rich, and the male model scion of a famous family. He’s the toast of teen girls discovering their sexuality by way of Tiger Beat celebrity day dreams in the bathtub. He can literally have sex with any young women on this planet. But he’s gone with Taylor Burns. A woman who looks like his mom. I bet he cries during sex mumbling shit about dad knocking up the housekeeper. Work it out, son, and go find yourself a smoking hot Victoria’s Secret model. That’ll hurt your daddy so much more.

Photo Credit: FlameFlynet

Maria Shriver was (maybe) wearing her wedding ring

By brendon January 09, 2012 @ 11:47 AM

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Maria Shriver is always saying she loves kids, but then Arnold Schwarzenegger went and had one with the housekeeper and suddenly she changed her mind. Typical woman. But this weekend she was wearing a ring that is reportedly her wedding ring, just like Arnold was last week, so maybe this means she’s ready to take him back. And she should. He’s suffered more than enough. It’s not like she’s some treat.

(image source = pacific coast)

Thursday headlines, with Michelle Hunziker in a bikini

By brendon June 02, 2011 @ 7:34 PM

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ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER – had lunch with his son Patrick today, and things seem to go fine. Which sucks because wouldn’t it be badass if he went all apeshit with some kind of Oedipus complex. The Kennedys are all nuts so I figure there’s still time. (popeater)

KIM KARDASHIAN – is now engaged of course, but was the proposal filmed as footage for her reality show? Oh gosh, I wonder what the answer is. (people)

JANE LYNCH – will host the Emmys this year, a very prestigious honor only trusted to those who have proven they can read a teleprompter. (la times)

MICHELLE HUNZIKER – has been lounging around at the beach in Varigotti, Italy, for about a week now. Because she’s a model. What the hell did you think she was gonna do, go around solving crimes? (splash news)

Maria Shriver narc’d out Schwarzenegger

By brendon May 24, 2011 @ 3:14 PM

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Many people have been wondering how Arnold Schwarzenegger was able to hide the existence of a son, the product of an affair with his housekeeper, for 13 years. Others have wondered how the secret managed to get out when it did.

Well the answer to the second one is easy: his wife told the LA Times. Way to cock-block, Maria. I bet you’re just pleased as punch.

…when Maria found out that Arnold was the father of Mildred Patty Baena’s son, she was “hysterical” and wanted to hold a news conference blowing the lid off the scandal.
We’re told Maria’s friends talked her off a ledge and a plan was hatched to leak the details to the L.A. Times and TMZ.

Isn’t that just like a woman? God they’re such little tattle-tales.