Patrick Schwarzenegger Is Banging His Mom

By Lex April 01, 2013 @ 1:07 PM

Maria Shriver Family Beach
Somebody is not handling his parents messy divorce so well. Patrick Schwarzenegger is nineteen, rich, and the male model scion of a famous family. He’s the toast of teen girls discovering their sexuality by way of Tiger Beat celebrity day dreams in the bathtub. He can literally have sex with any young women on this planet. But he’s gone with Taylor Burns. A woman who looks like his mom. I bet he cries during sex mumbling shit about dad knocking up the housekeeper. Work it out, son, and go find yourself a smoking hot Victoria’s Secret model. That’ll hurt your daddy so much more.

Photo Credit: FlameFlynet

Maria Shriver was (maybe) wearing her wedding ring

By brendon January 09, 2012 @ 11:47 AM

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Maria Shriver is always saying she loves kids, but then Arnold Schwarzenegger went and had one with the housekeeper and suddenly she changed her mind. Typical woman. But this weekend she was wearing a ring that is reportedly her wedding ring, just like Arnold was last week, so maybe this means she’s ready to take him back. And she should. He’s suffered more than enough. It’s not like she’s some treat.

(image source = pacific coast)

Thursday headlines, with Michelle Hunziker in a bikini

By brendon June 02, 2011 @ 7:34 PM

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ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER – had lunch with his son Patrick today, and things seem to go fine. Which sucks because wouldn’t it be badass if he went all apeshit with some kind of Oedipus complex. The Kennedys are all nuts so I figure there’s still time. (popeater)

KIM KARDASHIAN – is now engaged of course, but was the proposal filmed as footage for her reality show? Oh gosh, I wonder what the answer is. (people)

JANE LYNCH – will host the Emmys this year, a very prestigious honor only trusted to those who have proven they can read a teleprompter. (la times)

MICHELLE HUNZIKER – has been lounging around at the beach in Varigotti, Italy, for about a week now. Because she’s a model. What the hell did you think she was gonna do, go around solving crimes? (splash news)

Maria Shriver narc’d out Schwarzenegger

By brendon May 24, 2011 @ 3:14 PM

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Many people have been wondering how Arnold Schwarzenegger was able to hide the existence of a son, the product of an affair with his housekeeper, for 13 years. Others have wondered how the secret managed to get out when it did.

Well the answer to the second one is easy: his wife told the LA Times. Way to cock-block, Maria. I bet you’re just pleased as punch.

…when Maria found out that Arnold was the father of Mildred Patty Baena’s son, she was “hysterical” and wanted to hold a news conference blowing the lid off the scandal.
We’re told Maria’s friends talked her off a ledge and a plan was hatched to leak the details to the L.A. Times and TMZ.

Isn’t that just like a woman? God they’re such little tattle-tales.

Arnold Schwarzenegger had two sons born the same week

By brendon May 19, 2011 @ 1:46 PM

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As you may have noticed, something would have to have acid for blood in order for Arnold Schwarzenegger to not fuck it, and now the whores are coming out of the woodwork with the revelation that he had a child with his maid 13 years ago. One has even hired the worlds most punchable lawyer, with more perhaps on the way.

Fox news says…

The incident returned to the public’s attention numerous allegations made over the years that Schwarzenegger was a notorious womanizer.
It also threatened to bring forth more women with allegations against Schwarzenegger.
On Wednesday, Los Angeles attorney Gloria Allred confirmed she is representing Gigi Goyette, a former child actress who has said she had annual trysts with Schwarzenegger at a bodybuilding competition he sponsored in Ohio.

Fox also says Arnold was pretty busy during the last week of September in 1997, because not only did his wife Maria Shriver give birth to their youngest son Christopher, but his maid gave birth to their nameless bastard. Jesus, even Lil’ Wayne spaces it out more than that. Remember on ‘Threes Company’ when Jack would have two dates with two different women at the same restaurant, and he’d have to run from table to table? I like to think this was like that. “Yaa, goood, dats a good baby, I must go now!” And then Arnold would run to the next room where the other one is still in labor. “Yaa, puush, you are doing good! I go now!”

Tuesday headlines, with Fred Flintstone and Ciara

By brendon May 17, 2011 @ 6:52 PM

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SETH MACFARLANE – will reboot ‘the Flintstones’ as a new series for Fox, to premiere in 2013. So now he can steal characters right out in the open (Stewie is nothing but Jimmy Corrigan). When asked for a comment, MacFarlane went and stood behind Matt Groening and then repeated what he said. (deadline)

TOM SIZEMORE – did not kill Megan Wren, the woman who has been missing for 6 weeks, and she was finally found in a house near downtown LA. Oh fuck, now Tom knows where she is. Run Megan, run! (la times)

NIKITA – is one of the best shows on television, and today it finally got renewed for a second season. It was always assumed it would be, but the CW took until today to make it official because that network has no idea what the fuck it’s doing. (ew)

MARIA SHRIVER – has broken her silence (but not on twitter like her kids Patrick and Katherine), saying, “This is a painful and heartbreaking time.” Does she mean about ‘Nikita’? No Maria, it’s fine, it’s been renewed, all is well! (thr)

CIARA – looked fantastic as always in a bikini on Miami beach this weekend, and blah blah blah tits. (fame)