People make fun of Tom Arnold, but Sunday he tackled Marisa Miller during a flag football game in Miami before the Super Bowl and had the good sense to pull her pants down. So who’s laughing now? Not the people on the other team after this play, the ones who had Tom running after them with an erection, I can tell you that.
NOTE - there were only two posts yesterday and I’ll spare you the details but comcast can suck my dick. Should be back to normal today though.
All the dumb websites and magazines and TV shows do lists at the end of the year, counting down and ranking everything you can imagine, and they’re all subjective and poorly thought out and painful to read. But nothing else is going on this time of year, and so here we go.
100. JASMINE FIORE WAS MURDERED - by her husband, who was a contestant on the VH1 show ‘Megan Wants a Millionaire’. He pulled out her teeth, cut off her fingers and threw her body in a dumpster. So at least he wasn’t a litterbug. (August 15th)
99. MICHAEL JACKSON DIED - This one should probably be higher on the list but fuck that dude. He was a pedophile and his music sucked. Good riddance weirdo. (June 25th)
98. SUSAN BOYLE IS AN OVERNIGHT STAR - Does it bother anyone that she can’t really sing? After the first 5 lines on her famous ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ appearance her voice completely went to hell. What do you, got asthma or somethin? (April 11th)
97. LINDSAY LOHAN SUCKS - The reviews for the debut of her fashion line could have been worse, but only if they included a bunch of racist name calling for some reason. (October 4th)
96. BRITNEY SPEARS IS STACKED - Britney wore a see-thru t-shirt while in Australia for her ‘Circus’ tour. It maybe wasn’t as newsworthy as Michael Jackson dying, but what can I say, I just really love looking at girls’ tits. (November 5th)
The new Victorias Secret commercial directed by Michael Bay has finally arrived (see it here), and it’s very much like a regular Victorias Secret commercial, except more Michael Bay-ey. Get out your checklist:
- Shot of a character very far away, walking toward the camera but blurred as heat rises up from the road? Damn right.
- Hero shot from below, framing the character with a blue sky behind them? You know it!
- Incoherent action? From start to finish my friends.
- Thoughtful characters? Not a one.
- Explosions? Why wouldn’t there be!
There’s no sassy black character who’s had it with all your motherfuckin bullshit or an elderly Asian character who has no reaction to the insane action going on just a few feet behind him, but why would Bay give that away for free when people will pay 12 dollars for it.
Marisa Miller worked the Victorias Secret Fashion Show last night as well, and this is more like it. This is how fashion shows should be, and this is exactly how Marisa should be. 99 percent naked except for body oil and lingerie, but still in ridiculously high heels so I can grab her if she tries to run.
Marisa Miller modeled the Victorias Secret Harlequin Fantasy Bra yesterday, a diamond studded bra valued at 3 million dollars. That seems like a waste of money. I mean, really, who do they think is gonna buy a bra for 3 million dollars? Not to mention how heavy it would be. This whole thing seems kind of silly if you ask me.
NOTE: this post was guest written by Missing The Point Brendon
When you’re shooting for the new Victorias Secret catalog, theres no time to seek out fancy closets or changing rooms, so brave pioneers like Marisa Miller just take their clothes off right there on the beach. It’s why a lot of the top experts think she’ll go down in history as one of the greatest people to ever live. Unlike Aristotle, who thought the sun revolved around the Earth. Hahaha, wrong again dickhead! Try reading a book sometime retard!
