Marisa Miller Naked And Bloated For The Cause

By Matt May 07, 2015 @ 7:46 AM

Marissa

When your body is swollen taught from carrying another person inside of it, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue and Victoria’s Secret are off the list of potential modeling gigs. It’s not that pregnant women are less beautiful, that’s just what all research confirms. Fortunately PETA has listed thin models as a hate group and they’ll allow you an excuse to get naked for a cause you pretend to care about so long as you grow out your armpit hair or distend your gut and cervix a few inches. Hence Maris Miller posing nude in a bathtub in protest of Sea World. No word on whether she is also using it for a toilet. Like most hardcore activists dedicated to the cause, Miller formed her viewpoint from watching a documentary which was made decades into the problem:

“Being a mom and seeing ‘Blackfish,’ it was extremely emotional. I think any mother knows the sense of protection and connection you have with your baby.”

Isn’t there one chick in your office with a Marine Bio degree and a decent pair of tits? It’s sad to objectify the whales but apparently it’s cool to do so with dumb models. I despise Sea World and have boycotted it for ethical reasons that might include the hundred dollar admission and seventeen dollar churros. Not like the tunafish. Those are delicious.

Photo Credit: PETA.org

Marissa Miller had a baby

By brendon December 14, 2012 @ 7:19 PM

marissa_miller_fhm

It was depressing when Marisa Miller got pregnant, and the only things that would have made it better is if I were the one that did it or if she had a girl for me to leer at in 15 I mean 18 years. Neither one of those things happened.

Marisa Miller and her husband, music producer Griffin Guess are parents after welcoming their first child (yesterday).
Son Gavin Lee Guess was born in Santa Cruz, Calif. at 7:58pm.
“I’m completely overjoyed by the birth of our son. I feel so blessed to be a mom and am so excited to experience this next part of life,” the model, 34, tells People

Yeah this sucks, and I haven’t checked the national news or twitter in the past few hours, but I’m very confident in saying that this will the be the saddest child related story all day.

Marisa Miller is pregnant

By brendon June 19, 2012 @ 5:01 PM

mm9

Marisa Miller, who was Kate Upton before Kate Upton was, announced today that she’s pregnant for the first time with her husband griffin Guess. This spindly jackass, who yes, still wears a faux-hawk and who, with a child on the way, has no idea what’s about to hit him. It’s a bat. The one in my hands, for ruining the greatest stomach in the history of bikini modeling.

Marisa Miller won the Academy Awards

By brendon February 27, 2012 @ 2:07 PM

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Marisa Miller was another of the famous people at the Vanity Fair and Elton Johns AIDS Foundation parties last night, because if a girl this hot with boobs that big can’t sell magazines and/or cure AIDS, no one can.

(image source = getty and splash)

Marisa Miller is naked

By brendon December 10, 2010 @ 4:23 PM

marisa_miller_naked

Marc Jacobs is one of the worlds most famous fashion designers, and he’s currently the Creative Director for Louis Vuitton, so it makes perfect sense that his new campaign would have Marisa Miller completely naked. Actually I guess it doesn’t. But it turns out I don’t give a fuck why she’s naked, as long as she is, so we’re good here.

Marisa Miller is here to remind you about the NFL

By brendon October 28, 2010 @ 2:16 PM

marisa_miller_london_nfl

The only thing better than football is hot girls with big tits*, so it was very wise of the NFL to send Marisa Miller to London this morning to promote Sundays game at Wembley Stadium between the San Francisco 49ers and the Denver Broncos. Because not everyone over there knows what American football is exactly. Like this guy. He came up and said, “whas all this then? Whos this bird in the skinnies, with that lil fizzy gig like in the contest on the telly. A real rum tum tiger she is!”

Or maybe that means he does understand American football. Honestly, I can never tell what the fuck those people are saying.

* just ask Brett Favre – ZING!