there’s no limit to what Mark Wahlberg can do

By brendon January 25, 2012 @ 3:36 PM

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In the wake of Mark Wahlberg letting us know that 9/11 wouldn’t have went down like it did if he had been there, some readers on Sherdog created this thread to document all the others times when things wouldn’t have went down like they did. Mark Wahlberg would have saved us all! Or at least his kids and the rest of the first class cabin. He really is one of histories greatest heroes when you think about it (as long as you’re Mark Wahlberg).

(thanks to the dashing and handsome Alex for the link)

Mark Wahlberg should stop explaining

By brendon January 20, 2012 @ 3:34 PM

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Mark Wahlberg really didn’t do himself any favors today when he went on Kid Kraddock in the Morning to explain why he said what he said about stopping 9/11.

“I would never disrespect the victims of 9/11 or their families. It was completely misunderstood.  My only intention was to explain the fact that I would do anything to protect my family – I would put myself in harms way to protect my family or innocent people. That was it.”
“First and foremost, I am not an actor.  I am a real guy from the streets and I’ve been in a lot of situations.”

No, dipshit, you’re an actor. I know this because I’ve been seeing you in movies since 1995. Of all people, you’d think the guy from who was dancing around with the Funky Bunch would want to stop being thought of as what he was 20 years ago.

Mark Wahlberg has given his half-assed apology

By brendon January 19, 2012 @ 1:24 PM

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Mark Wahlberg, who as you can see is about the same height and build as Jessica Biel, told Mens Journal that he would have single-handedly stopped the terrorists on 9/11, unlike the docile sheep who sat there and did nothing. And then he would have single-handedly landed the plane, because how hard could that really be, all while giving comfort to the other passengers. Al-Qaeda would rue the day that they entered Mark Wahlbergs world (the first class cabin)!

“If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.’”

Needless to say this offended the families of some of the victims. So now he’s apologized, but not really.

“To speculate about such a situation is ridiculous to begin with. I deeply apologize to the families of the victims that my answer came off as insensitive, it was certainly not my intention.”

“Not that my answer wasn’t 100% true, but I should have worded it differently,” he probably added. PR crisis = solved!

Mark Wahlberg would have stopped 9/11

By brendon January 18, 2012 @ 12:48 PM

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Pretend movie tough-guy/real-life jackass Mark Wahlberg has an interview in the new issue of Men’s Fitness, and let’s just get right to it:

On being scheduled to be on one of the planes that crashed into the World Trade Center on 9/11:

“If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.’”

So, by extension, according to Mark Wahlberg, all the people who were on those planes but did not prevent them from crashing were pussies. Who didn’t love their kids as much as he does. And the people who fought back on Flight 93 over Pennsylvania were lumbering doofuses and crashed anyway.

Clearly that’s not how Mark Wahlberg, who starred in ‘the Italian Job’, would have done it. He would have defeated the terrorists with his movie punches, then landed the plane, on time, and killed the Arab-looking baggage guys just in case. That sure would have been exciting to see! If it’s not too much trouble maybe Wahlberg could dig up some of the lazy assholes who died that day and act it out for me.

Mark Wahlberg is an idiot

By brendon January 16, 2012 @ 12:39 PM







My favorite part of the Golden Globes last night was when Mark Wahlberg and Jessica Biel came out to present ‘Best Actor’, and Wahlberg was asked to read things. Which was funny because Mark Wahlberg is an idiot.

His first line, which the professional actor apparently couldn’t remember and had to read off the teleprompter, was, “And here is the impressive list of nominees.” Unfortunately, “impressed” is not an emotion in his acting arsenal. “Mumbling like a slow-witted doofus” is however, and so he did that instead.

Even better was when it was time to announce Jean Dujardin as the winner. Wahlberg opened the envelope, took a quick breath, began to speak… then saw the name, instantly gave up, and passed it off on Biel. It would have been so great to hear him say, “And the winner is Gene Duh-Jar-Din”. Especially if there were someone there actually named that. What a thrill it would have been for Gene and his family.

Mark Wahlberg says Tom Cruise fakes his stunts

By brendon October 28, 2011 @ 3:28 PM

Mark Wahlberg was on the Opie and Anthony show yesterday and when the topic of Tom Cruise doing his own stunts for ‘Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol’ came up, he essentially said he didn’t believe those stories. He also said he doesn’t bother doing his own stunts and relies on doubles to do all the work. For the record if there was any way to get his doubles to do all the acting from now on too, that would be great.