Lea Michele’s Dead Boyfriend Would’ve Loved Her Current Boyfriend

By Lex January 06, 2016 @ 10:02 AM

Cory-Monteith-and-Lea-Michele-in-Cabo

You may recall two years ago when Dead Cory Monteith checked into a Canadian hotel which is both a literal account of his overdose death and now a handy euphemism. Lea Michele turned his passing into a series of weeping magazine pictorials, a pop dance album, and a small theme park in her backyard where she charged fans ten bucks to see her make out with a wax replica of her dead boyfriend. Everybody grieves differently.

Michele is convinced that Dead Cory Monteith would love her current boyfriend because Matthew Paetz is a good looking former male escort and bones her like an elderly woman who still has needs. You know how former boyfriends adore new boyfriends, especially from beyond the grave. Michele understands the backlash from her fans on getting back in the saddle, but she wishes they would consider this nonsense instead:

I don’t think anyone is really projecting hate, it is positive, it’s nothing so, so terrible but at the end of the day, we have to remember that what we put out there, it manifests and it creates energy and you should want to be the person that chooses to take that second to do something positive

Imagine that shit in a high pitched whine for two years and see if you’re not looking up hotel rooms in Vancouver on Expedia.¬†Yes, I am dating Lea Michele. Give me a couple hours before you clean my room. Here’s a hundred for a tip. No, no particular reason.

Photo credit: FameFlynet

Lea Michele Is Dating a Man Hooker

By Lex June 12, 2014 @ 2:09 PM

Lea Michele In A Bikini Filming Her Music Video 'On My Way' With Matthew Paetz In Palmdale
Remember that Lea Michele music video that nobody gave a shit about? Yeah one of those. It’s where on the set she felt Kismet once again, falling for male extra Matt Paetz who also happens to be a masseuse and happy vagina feelings escort for mature ladies in need in Los Angeles. His pimp service is called Cowboys4Angels, which as much as you may be missing dick as a 50-year old single woman, still has to feel a little silly typing into your browser. More important than arcane and outdated dating rules is the fact that Lea Michele has once more overcome her tragic loss of Dead Cory Monteith to find love. I guess like a cannonball. Or a John. Lea has an old soul, so you figure a guy like Matt who is skilled at gently suckling post-natal grandmotherly udders and slowly breathing out the name, ‘Helen’ would be a great romantic fit. And, if it doesn’t work out, she can always crank up the shrill and leave out a prepaid Expedia travel pack to Vancouver.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News