For some inexplicable reason, people seem to really enjoy hating Megan Fox. She’s never been arrested, never had a DUI, never does the obvious attention whore things (the ivy, fashion week, St Barts) and rarely goes to bars or parties or premiers if she doesn’t have to. What she has done is date the same guy for 5 years and stayed home to play lots of video games.
People say she can’t act (girl kiss scene), but keep in mind that most people are fucking morons who just parrot what everyone else says. No one says that about Kristen Stewart, and her acting is so wooden it’s hard to even tell if the movie is playing. It’s like she doesn’t think she’s in this scene.
Even better is that Megan has no self confidence, meaning talking her into anal just got much much easier. W magazine says…
“My main weakness is nerves,” she says, taking a long sip of her tea. “I have no confidence, and because of that I’m always second-guessing myself.”
“There’s a million people I could name who are more deserving of the parts that I get and the life that I’m living,” she says. Asked if she’s envious of anyone in Hollywood, Fox raises her eyebrows, as if the answer to this question is obvious. “Everybody, maybe? Anyone who’s got any sort of legitimate accolades.”
This chick is fantastic. She’s the kind of girl science fiction writers wrote about in the 50’s. Some slave girl made in a lab, perfect in every way. If she was my girlfriend I might be tempted to see if she had a panel somewhere that opened up to a bunch of wires and computer chips, but I wouldn’t because I’d be happier in my blissful ignorance.
There are some people, mostly fat girls and queers, who make fun of Megan Fox because her thumbs aren’t perfect. They’re wider than normal. Hey, I have a question … are you god damn kidding me.
This is retarded beyond words. Forget wide thumbs, she could have tentacles instead of arms and she’d still be the best looking girl on earth. She could have a dick and I’d still go down on her. Her vagina could have a snapping beak like a squids mouth and I’d still put my penis in there. It would be like turning down the Millennium Falcon because it didn’t have a CD player.
But, whatever. The point to this is that some internet nerds were claiming she had a hand-double for her awesome Super Bowl commercial (this). And as it turns out, she did. And it was this hot bitch. Pamela Moses. And she’s almost as hot as Megan, as you can see in these pictures shamelessly stolen from her myspace. But Pamela isn’t just a pretty face. She’s also a really smart model. As far as themes for a picture gallery go, “Point The Camera Down My Shirt” is my all time favorite.
MEGAN FOX - is not engaged to Brian Austin Greene, despite weekend rumors that she was. It was all a misunderstanding. A little torture and he changed his tune just like that. (wonderwall)
AVATAR - made another 41 million this weekend, rose to third all time in US box office history (‘Titanic’ made 600M, ‘Dark Knight’ 533) and is now an absolute certainty to become the highest grossing movie ever. Another absolute certainty: I look amazing in sung fit jeans. (box office mojo)
CONAN O BRIEN - is expected to make between 30 and 40 million in his settlement with NBC. Keep in mind that NBC fired him because they might lose around 25 million in advertising compared to last year. When asked for a comment, the other networks just laughed hysterically. (variety)
MISCHA BARTON - was at work today in New York playing a prostitute on ‘Law and Order: SVU’. You can tell she’s in character here because this is way better than she normally dresses. (splash news online)
10. KELLY BROOK IS PHOTOGENIC - this picture was the topic of some heated debate around the office while making the Top 100 list, with many feeling it should be the number 1 story of the year. Of course I’m the only one who works here, so it was mostly my penis taking a stand. Eventually we agreed on the Top 10. That’s the price of leadership. (May 20th)
9. PAULA ABDUL GOT FIRED FROM AMERICAN IDOL – because she was demanding a raise from 5 million to 20 million dollars a year. When they finished laughing several days later, the producers hired Ellen DeGeneres. Of course they could have trained a monkey to whack off in the corner and it still would have been more insightful than anything Paula had to say. Seacrest could say, “Thanks Simon, that’s a good point. What about you Masturbating Monkey, what did you think?” And they could cut to the monkey in the corner jacking off. They just have to be sure to not accidentally pan to Randy Jackson. I have to believe the NCAAP would have something to say about that. (August 5th)
50. MADONNAS ARMS - As she approaches the end of her life, it’s good to know she’ll die as she lived; by creeping me the fuck out. (July 27th)
49. CALL OF DUTY 2 – made 310 million dollars in it’s first 24 hours. “The Dark Knight holds every Hollywood speed record, and it took them 10 days to reach 300. So I guess in hindsight that movie was a real piece of shit.” (November 12)
48. MEGAN FOX IS BISEXUAL - If Megan Fox is getting more/better pussy than me I’m gonna kill myself. (May 13th)
47 and 46. CINDY CRAWFORD AND NICOLETTE SHERIDAN - Although a combined 99 years old, these two took some of the hottest bikini pictures all year. But just so you know, the topless Crawford pictures here are from 2008, because I can’t find the ones from 2009, and I don’t have time to download new copies. This god damn list is taking forever. What a terrible idea this was. (August 6th and August 3rd)
All the dumb websites and magazines and TV shows do lists at the end of the year, counting down and ranking everything you can imagine, and they’re all subjective and poorly thought out and painful to read. But nothing else is going on this time of year, and so here we go.
100. JASMINE FIORE WAS MURDERED – by her husband, who was a contestant on the VH1 show ‘Megan Wants a Millionaire’. He pulled out her teeth, cut off her fingers and threw her body in a dumpster. So at least he wasn’t a litterbug. (August 15th)
99. MICHAEL JACKSON DIED – This one should probably be higher on the list but fuck that dude. He was a pedophile and his music sucked. Good riddance weirdo. (June 25th)
98. SUSAN BOYLE IS AN OVERNIGHT STAR – Does it bother anyone that she can’t really sing? After the first 5 lines on her famous ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ appearance her voice completely went to hell. What do you, got asthma or somethin? (April 11th)
97. LINDSAY LOHAN SUCKS – The reviews for the debut of her fashion line could have been worse, but only if they included a bunch of racist name calling for some reason. (October 4th)
96. BRITNEY SPEARS IS STACKED – Britney wore a see-thru t-shirt while in Australia for her ‘Circus’ tour. It maybe wasn’t as newsworthy as Michael Jackson dying, but what can I say, I just really love looking at girls’ tits. (November 5th)