afternoon headlines

By brendon April 07, 2010 @ 7:20 PM


MEGAN FOX - should be on this list of famous people who blaze up (here’s a diff one). I’d also like to see her on a list of famous girls who have swallowed my semen. (htgb)

JENNIFER ANISTON - still sucks. ‘Bounty Hunter’ only made 3.8m in it’s UK debut. It’s hard to figure out why no one goes to see her movies. Perhaps it’s because she’s a terrible actress and self-pitying bitch. Oh wait I guess it wasn’t that hard to figure out. (daily mail)

TIGER WOODS - had sex with the daughter of one of his neighbors last year. She was 21, and lived so close they could see Tigers house when they were doin it. He must have a really good Homeowners Association. All I get is some votive candles on Christmas Eve. (radar)

MICHELLE HUNZIKER - is still in Miami, bless her heart. Blond white girls are boring, but … the pigtails. Pigtails are fuckin hot. More girls don’t wear them and that bugs me. It works especially well on Michelle because she’s Swiss. This would be a good ad for tropical cocoa. (fame images, splash news)

megan fox is good, not a slut

By brendon March 03, 2010 @ 3:36 PM


Megan Fox doesn’t get the credit she deserves as an actress and still gets labeled as slut who skates by on her looks, but I’ll continue to stand up for her because when you love someone that’s what you do. And also because I know all too well what it’s like when people try to brand you as just a pretty face. Hopefully a new interview with Harpers Bazaar (via the Huffington Post) will help her cause.

On her sex partners:
“I’ve only been with two men my entire life. My childhood sweetheart and Brian. I can never have sex with someone that I don’t love, ever. The idea makes me sick. I’ve never even come close to having a one-night stand.”

On giving provocative interviews:
“My biggest regret is that I’ve assisted the media in making me into a cartoon character. I don’t regret what has happened to me, but I regret the way I have dealt with it.”

I still can’t believe she has sex with that dork and it doesn’t look like they’re breaking up any time soon. That dude needs to go.

Hey does anyone know how to cut the brake lines on a car? Hypothetically speaking of course.

(there aren’t any good new pics of Megan, so here’s her looking nerdy a few years ago)

megan fox is a good model

By brendon February 16, 2010 @ 3:12 PM


For some inexplicable reason, people seem to really enjoy hating Megan Fox. She’s never been arrested, never had a DUI, never does the obvious attention whore things (the ivy, fashion week, St Barts) and rarely goes to bars or parties or premiers if she doesn’t have to. What she has done is date the same guy for 5 years and stayed home to play lots of video games.

People say she can’t act (girl kiss scene), but keep in mind that most people are fucking morons who just parrot what everyone else says. No one says that about Kristen Stewart, and her acting is so wooden it’s hard to even tell if the movie is playing. It’s like she doesn’t think she’s in this scene.

Even better is that Megan has no self confidence, meaning talking her into anal just got much much easier. W magazine says…

“My main weakness is nerves,” she says, taking a long sip of her tea. “I have no confidence, and because of that I’m always second-guessing myself.”
“There’s a million people I could name who are more deserving of the parts that I get and the life that I’m living,” she says. Asked if she’s envious of anyone in Hollywood, Fox raises her eyebrows, as if the answer to this question is obvious. “Everybody, maybe? Anyone who’s got any sort of legitimate accolades.”

This chick is fantastic. She’s the kind of girl science fiction writers wrote about in the 50’s. Some slave girl made in a lab, perfect in every way. If she was my girlfriend I might be tempted to see if she had a panel somewhere that opened up to a bunch of wires and computer chips, but I wouldn’t because I’d be happier in my blissful ignorance.

Read more >

its megan fox! sort of!

By brendon February 12, 2010 @ 6:02 PM


There are some people, mostly fat girls and queers, who make fun of Megan Fox because her thumbs aren’t perfect. They’re wider than normal. Hey, I have a question … are you god damn kidding me.

This is retarded beyond words. Forget wide thumbs, she could have tentacles instead of arms and she’d still be the best looking girl on earth. She could have a dick and I’d still go down on her. Her vagina could have a snapping beak like a squids mouth and I’d still put my penis in there. It would be like turning down the Millennium Falcon because it didn’t have a CD player.

But, whatever. The point to this is that some internet nerds were claiming she had a hand-double for her awesome Super Bowl commercial (this). And as it turns out, she did. And it was this hot bitch. Pamela Moses. And she’s almost as hot as Megan, as you can see in these pictures shamelessly stolen from her myspace. But Pamela isn’t just a pretty face. She’s also a really smart model. As far as themes for a picture gallery go, “Point The Camera Down My Shirt” is my all time favorite.

monday afternoon headlines

By brendon January 18, 2010 @ 5:59 PM


MEGAN FOX - is not engaged to Brian Austin Greene, despite weekend rumors that she was. It was all a misunderstanding. A little torture and he changed his tune just like that. (wonderwall)

AVATAR - made another 41 million this weekend, rose to third all time in US box office history (‘Titanic’ made 600M, ‘Dark Knight’ 533) and is now an absolute certainty to become the highest grossing movie ever. Another absolute certainty: I look amazing in sung fit jeans. (box office mojo)

CONAN O BRIEN - is expected to make between 30 and 40 million in his settlement with NBC. Keep in mind that NBC fired him because they might lose around 25 million in advertising compared to last year. When asked for a comment, the other networks just laughed hysterically. (variety)

MISCHA BARTON - was at work today in New York playing a prostitute on ‘Law and Order: SVU’. You can tell she’s in character here because this is way better than she normally dresses. (splash news online)

the top 10 stories of 2009

By brendon January 01, 2010 @ 12:50 PM

10. KELLY BROOK IS PHOTOGENIC - this picture was the topic of some heated debate around the office while making the Top 100 list, with many feeling it should be the number 1 story of the year. Of course I’m the only one who works here, so it was mostly my penis taking a stand. Eventually we agreed on the Top 10. That’s the price of leadership. (May 20th)

9. PAULA ABDUL GOT FIRED FROM AMERICAN IDOL – because she was demanding a raise from 5 million to 20 million dollars a year. When they finished laughing several days later, the producers hired Ellen DeGeneres. Of course they could have trained a monkey to whack off in the corner and it still would have been more insightful than anything Paula had to say. Seacrest could say, “Thanks Simon, that’s a good point. What about you Masturbating Monkey, what did you think?” And they could cut to the monkey in the corner jacking off. They just have to be sure to not accidentally pan to Randy Jackson. I have to believe the NCAAP would have something to say about that. (August 5th)

Read more >