HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN

By brendon July 23, 2008 @ 12:07 PM

Both Forbes and People have articles today about what actors and actresses make the most money in Hollywood, and I had to read over this thing like 4 times, partly because I can barely read, but also because this thing doesn’t make a lick of sense.

Between June 1, 2007 and June 1, 2008, Will Smith was the highest paid male lead, banking around 80 million dollars.  Johnny Depp was close behind, earning 72.  Mike Meyers and Eddie Murphy both made 55 thanks to "Shrek", and Leonardo DiCaprio made 45 thanks to being the best actor alive.  

Here’s where the list goes to hell: Cameron Diaz made 50 million god damn dollars, despite the fact that no one actually likes her.  Keira Knightley made 32.  Jennifer Aniston has never had a successful movie, and hasn’t had any movie for 2 years, yet somehow made 27.  Reese Witherspoon and Gwyneth Paltrow each made 25.  

What the hell is that?  I thought Hollywood was misogynistic and sexist and awful.  So how come the top 5 list features 4 visually disturbing hags?  Keira is the only hot one, and the only one who is even remotely likable.  The only way I'd ever watch a Cameron Diaz movie is if the description also included the words, "Megan Fox" and "cum-soaked".



MEGAN FOX IS A NERD

By brendon July 17, 2008 @ 10:07 AM

Megan Fox went to the Fox All Star Party two nights ago on the Santa Monica Pier and she did it wearing this kick ass Star Wars shirt.  Woah, I think my light saber just got bigger!  Hahahaha!  Get it?  Do you get it?  I was referring to my cock.

POOR MEGAN FOX

By brendon July 11, 2008 @ 2:32 AM

There are new stills out from "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People", starring Kirsten Dunst, Megan Fox and (the totally awesome) Simon Pegg, and I think someone from casting needs to go back to casting school.  How could they put the Most Beautiful Woman In The World in the same scene with Megan Fox?  Snaggletooth lights up the screen, while poor unfortunate looking Megan just has to stand there and try not to get lost.  They should call this "Hottie and the Nottie 2".   It's not Megan's fault, I guess, just a cruel trick of fate that placed her next to my beloved Kirsten.  Frankly I'm surprised Kirsten's unsurpassed beauty even registers on film.  It's like trying to lasso a rainbow.



BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN IS A LIAR

By brendon July 10, 2008 @ 11:53 AM

Despite reports last week, reports that told the truth, Brian Austin Green says he has not been dumped by fiancé Megan Fox, and according to him, the relationship is going great.  It’s not clear why he would lie like this.  Probably because he’s a god damn liar.  Us magazine says…

"We're solid," Green, 34, says in the new issue of TV Guide. "We've lived together for three years. We have tattoos of each other's names.”
Green's only gripe about their relationship?
"We have more time away from each other right now than we'd like," he says.
Green – who has a son, Kassius, with ex fiancée Vanessa Marcil – says he "would love" to have more kids.
For now, he and Fox – who met in 2004 and got engaged in 2006 – are "rescuing pets from pet stores. We have a potbellied pig, we have dogs, two cats, two birds a squirrel.
"And Megan wants a leopard – that'll never happen!" Green adds. "That's a whole different world."

I want Megan to know that I’m getting pretty sick of Brian and his radical anti-leopard politics.  When she and I date she can get a T-Rex for all I care.  But it's no wonder he’s still clinging to her.  Remember this time last year when she gave him a blowjob him in the car, in a public parking lot, in the middle of the day?  Things like that are what make her one of the greatest women who have ever lived, and it’s why I have a 4 foot plastic figurine of her on my lawn at Christmas.

MEGAN FOX WALKING IS BIG NEWS

By brendon July 09, 2008 @ 9:20 AM

I wish there was a way for this to look like one of those spinning newspaper headlines in old movies when the headline yells, "WHO WILL SAVE US?"  Megan Fox walking across the parking lot is big news.  Because she's hot.  And by "hot", I mean, "hotter than every other girl combined, ever".  I could jack off while a bear was chasing me just by thinking about Megan Fox.  Needless to say I'm pretty excited about her being single.  As a sexy internet celebrity, I feel like I have a real chance.  We have so much in common.  She drinks Fiji, I drink Fiji.  She walks on two legs, I walk on two legs.  She has a vagina, and I have a long list of things I could place inside of it.  We're practically soul mates.

MEGAN FOX IS SINGLE!!!

By brendon July 03, 2008 @ 11:33 AM

Megan Fox is single Megan Fox is single Megan Fox is single Megan Fox is single.  Monsters and Critics says…

The 22-year-old actress is said to have ended her four-year relationship with former 'Beverly Hills 90210' star Brian Austin Green, 34, because she feels too young to settle down.
A source close to the 'Transformers' star said: "Megan still cares about Brian, but she now realises she's too young to marry him."
She reportedly notified her friends and business associates of the news last week.

Did you ever notice how close "Megan Fox" is to "Mega Fox".  Really makes you think, huh?  Especially if you’re stoned off your ass.