POOR MEGAN FOX

By brendon July 11, 2008 @ 2:32 AM

There are new stills out from "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People", starring Kirsten Dunst, Megan Fox and (the totally awesome) Simon Pegg, and I think someone from casting needs to go back to casting school.  How could they put the Most Beautiful Woman In The World in the same scene with Megan Fox?  Snaggletooth lights up the screen, while poor unfortunate looking Megan just has to stand there and try not to get lost.  They should call this "Hottie and the Nottie 2".   It's not Megan's fault, I guess, just a cruel trick of fate that placed her next to my beloved Kirsten.  Frankly I'm surprised Kirsten's unsurpassed beauty even registers on film.  It's like trying to lasso a rainbow.



BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN IS A LIAR

By brendon July 10, 2008 @ 11:53 AM

Despite reports last week, reports that told the truth, Brian Austin Green says he has not been dumped by fiancé Megan Fox, and according to him, the relationship is going great.  It’s not clear why he would lie like this.  Probably because he’s a god damn liar.  Us magazine says…

"We're solid," Green, 34, says in the new issue of TV Guide. "We've lived together for three years. We have tattoos of each other's names.”
Green's only gripe about their relationship?
"We have more time away from each other right now than we'd like," he says.
Green – who has a son, Kassius, with ex fiancée Vanessa Marcil – says he "would love" to have more kids.
For now, he and Fox – who met in 2004 and got engaged in 2006 – are "rescuing pets from pet stores. We have a potbellied pig, we have dogs, two cats, two birds a squirrel.
"And Megan wants a leopard – that'll never happen!" Green adds. "That's a whole different world."

I want Megan to know that I’m getting pretty sick of Brian and his radical anti-leopard politics.  When she and I date she can get a T-Rex for all I care.  But it's no wonder he’s still clinging to her.  Remember this time last year when she gave him a blowjob him in the car, in a public parking lot, in the middle of the day?  Things like that are what make her one of the greatest women who have ever lived, and it’s why I have a 4 foot plastic figurine of her on my lawn at Christmas.

MEGAN FOX WALKING IS BIG NEWS

By brendon July 09, 2008 @ 9:20 AM

I wish there was a way for this to look like one of those spinning newspaper headlines in old movies when the headline yells, "WHO WILL SAVE US?"  Megan Fox walking across the parking lot is big news.  Because she's hot.  And by "hot", I mean, "hotter than every other girl combined, ever".  I could jack off while a bear was chasing me just by thinking about Megan Fox.  Needless to say I'm pretty excited about her being single.  As a sexy internet celebrity, I feel like I have a real chance.  We have so much in common.  She drinks Fiji, I drink Fiji.  She walks on two legs, I walk on two legs.  She has a vagina, and I have a long list of things I could place inside of it.  We're practically soul mates.

MEGAN FOX IS SINGLE!!!

By brendon July 03, 2008 @ 11:33 AM

Megan Fox is single Megan Fox is single Megan Fox is single Megan Fox is single.  Monsters and Critics says…

The 22-year-old actress is said to have ended her four-year relationship with former 'Beverly Hills 90210' star Brian Austin Green, 34, because she feels too young to settle down.
A source close to the 'Transformers' star said: "Megan still cares about Brian, but she now realises she's too young to marry him."
She reportedly notified her friends and business associates of the news last week.

Did you ever notice how close "Megan Fox" is to "Mega Fox".  Really makes you think, huh?  Especially if you’re stoned off your ass.

MEGAN FOX IS THE ONLY ONE

By brendon June 30, 2008 @ 2:34 PM

Megan Fox has a really good reputation in town and is said to be extremely nice and easy to deal with, so it’s a little surprising to hear that she's using her new power on the set of "Transformers 2".  Hollywood.com says…

The super sweet and humble Megan Fox knows she’s the star of ‘Transformers 2′ and ain’t letting no hoes take away her spotlight.
Star Magazine reports that she has banned producers from casting other attractive brunette actresses in the sequel.
A spy says, "Megan is definitely the star of the sequel, and she wants to keep it that way. It’s fine with her if there are hot blondes in the film, but she’s made it clear that she doesn’t want any brunettes."

This is boring but I was thinking over the weekend that a good way to gauge how hot a chick is would be to figure how long she would have to be dead before you would not have sex with her.  So I ran the numbers through the computer and it turns out Megan Fox is the big winner.  She could be dead for almost three days and I'd still fuck her.  So congratulations Megan Fox.  You must be honored.  It must be exciting to know that even after you die, you and I can still get it on.

MEGAN FOX AT MTV MOVIE

By brendon June 02, 2008 @ 5:49 AM

Thank god for Megan Fox.  And I don’t just mean because she was the hottest thing by far at yesterdays MTV Movie Awards.  Girls like Megan Fox just prove that stuff like Viagra is a rip-off.  True Fact: no one has ever had erectile dysfunction with Megan Fox.  In fact one guy even reached the bottom of his balls one time while humping her.  He just nailed her for 97 straight hours until he came one time and it was just a puff of smoke, like when those old timey cameras needed used to take a picture.   I heard there was this paralyzed kid and he saw Megan Fox and for the first time in like 8 years he moved his arms so he could whack off.  I think it was on the Today show.  They were doing an entire show about how hot Megan Fox is.