I wish there was a way for this to look like one of those spinning newspaper headlines in old movies when the headline yells, "WHO WILL SAVE US?"  Megan Fox walking across the parking lot is big news.  Because she's hot.  And by "hot", I mean, "hotter than every other girl combined, ever".  I could jack off while a bear was chasing me just by thinking about Megan Fox.  Needless to say I'm pretty excited about her being single.  As a sexy internet celebrity, I feel like I have a real chance.  We have so much in common.  She drinks Fiji, I drink Fiji.  She walks on two legs, I walk on two legs.  She has a vagina, and I have a long list of things I could place inside of it.  We're practically soul mates.

Megan Fox is single Megan Fox is single Megan Fox is single Megan Fox is single.  Monsters and Critics says…

The 22-year-old actress is said to have ended her four-year relationship with former 'Beverly Hills 90210' star Brian Austin Green, 34, because she feels too young to settle down.
A source close to the 'Transformers' star said: "Megan still cares about Brian, but she now realises she's too young to marry him."
She reportedly notified her friends and business associates of the news last week.

Did you ever notice how close "Megan Fox" is to "Mega Fox".  Really makes you think, huh?  Especially if you’re stoned off your ass.

Megan Fox has a really good reputation in town and is said to be extremely nice and easy to deal with, so it’s a little surprising to hear that she's using her new power on the set of "Transformers 2".  Hollywood.com says…

The super sweet and humble Megan Fox knows she’s the star of ‘Transformers 2′ and ain’t letting no hoes take away her spotlight.
Star Magazine reports that she has banned producers from casting other attractive brunette actresses in the sequel.
A spy says, "Megan is definitely the star of the sequel, and she wants to keep it that way. It’s fine with her if there are hot blondes in the film, but she’s made it clear that she doesn’t want any brunettes."

This is boring but I was thinking over the weekend that a good way to gauge how hot a chick is would be to figure how long she would have to be dead before you would not have sex with her.  So I ran the numbers through the computer and it turns out Megan Fox is the big winner.  She could be dead for almost three days and I'd still fuck her.  So congratulations Megan Fox.  You must be honored.  It must be exciting to know that even after you die, you and I can still get it on.

Thank god for Megan Fox.  And I don’t just mean because she was the hottest thing by far at yesterdays MTV Movie Awards.  Girls like Megan Fox just prove that stuff like Viagra is a rip-off.  True Fact: no one has ever had erectile dysfunction with Megan Fox.  In fact one guy even reached the bottom of his balls one time while humping her.  He just nailed her for 97 straight hours until he came one time and it was just a puff of smoke, like when those old timey cameras needed used to take a picture.   I heard there was this paralyzed kid and he saw Megan Fox and for the first time in like 8 years he moved his arms so he could whack off.  I think it was on the Today show.  They were doing an entire show about how hot Megan Fox is.

I was looking at these pictures of Megan Fox yesterday at the Versace Fashion Show for Milan Fashion Week in Milan, Italy, and noticed that there were no bloggers with near painful erections.  Needless to say, I swiftly put an end to that.

That headline will be remembered by historians as the truest thing ever written, since to the best of my knowledge Megan Fox still dates Brian Austin Green, she'll show up for nonsense like the Visual Effects Society Awards (pictured) and she apparently spends her nights watching "Most Haunted" on the Travel Channel.  M&C says:

(She) got hooked on the programme when she was in London shooting upcoming movie 'How to Lose Friends and Alienate People', and admits she can't get enough of the spooky series.
She said: "I'm absolutely obsessed with that show 'Most Haunted', and I love the host Yvette Fielding."
Megan tried to persuade her co-star Simon Pegg to take her on one of London's famous ghost tours, but he refused.
She said: "I wanted to go on the Jack the Ripper tour, but Simon wouldn't go with me, so I didn't go in the end."

First of all, I just lost all respect for Simon Pegg.  Not only is he co-starring in that movie ("How to…") with Kirsten Dunst, but Megan Fox begged him to go on a date and he said no.  I don't give a shit what the question is, if Megan Fox asks it, the answer is yes.  A chick that hot could ask me to go with her and poke hungry wild bears and here is how you would describe my evening the next day: poka, poka, poka.  

Second of all, "ghost hunter" has to be the worlds best job.  Their job is to find proof of ghosts and they never ever succeed.  Is there another job where you can fail 100 percent of the time and, not only keep your job, but be The Best.  They never ever find any ghosts, but they do seem to break a lot of stuff and never complete a sentence.  And for this they got a TV show.  It would be like if you were a pool boy, and instead of adding chlorine to peoples pools, you took a dump in their pool.  Are you fired for this?  No, in fact, you’re Number 1 baby!

BREAKING NEWS – according to her wiki page, Megan has taken a new lover.  Oh who could it be?!?!

NEW BREAKING NEWS – aw you people suck.  who changed it!