MEGAN FOX WAS A TEENAGE LESBIAN

By brendon September 16, 2008 @ 7:00 AM

Megan Fox says in this months GQ that when she was 18-years-old, she was alone in LA for the first time, and anxious to explore the pleasures of life.  So she had a lesbian relationship with a Russian stripper.

Fox – “Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided that I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop [a strip club on Sunset Boulevard]. I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita. I was there all the time—I would go there by myself. I bought her things—perfume, body spray, girlie stuff. I turned into a weird middle-aged married man. I felt like I had this need to save Nikita. I’d get lap dances so I could get to know her, and I’d give her what I thought were great little sound bites of inspiration—like You can do it, you’re better than this! I didn’t want her to be there.”
GQ – How long did it go on?
Fox – “Not very long. You know when you’re pushing something and it escalates much too rapidly and it explodes after only two weeks?”

So now it turns out you can add , "three-way with strippers" to your Megan Fox fantasies.  Honest to God the only way this girl could get any more perfect at this point is if it turns out she can fly.

HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN

By brendon July 23, 2008 @ 12:07 PM

Both Forbes and People have articles today about what actors and actresses make the most money in Hollywood, and I had to read over this thing like 4 times, partly because I can barely read, but also because this thing doesn’t make a lick of sense.

Between June 1, 2007 and June 1, 2008, Will Smith was the highest paid male lead, banking around 80 million dollars.  Johnny Depp was close behind, earning 72.  Mike Meyers and Eddie Murphy both made 55 thanks to "Shrek", and Leonardo DiCaprio made 45 thanks to being the best actor alive.  

Here’s where the list goes to hell: Cameron Diaz made 50 million god damn dollars, despite the fact that no one actually likes her.  Keira Knightley made 32.  Jennifer Aniston has never had a successful movie, and hasn’t had any movie for 2 years, yet somehow made 27.  Reese Witherspoon and Gwyneth Paltrow each made 25.  

What the hell is that?  I thought Hollywood was misogynistic and sexist and awful.  So how come the top 5 list features 4 visually disturbing hags?  Keira is the only hot one, and the only one who is even remotely likable.  The only way I'd ever watch a Cameron Diaz movie is if the description also included the words, "Megan Fox" and "cum-soaked".



MEGAN FOX IS A NERD

By brendon July 17, 2008 @ 10:07 AM

Megan Fox went to the Fox All Star Party two nights ago on the Santa Monica Pier and she did it wearing this kick ass Star Wars shirt.  Woah, I think my light saber just got bigger!  Hahahaha!  Get it?  Do you get it?  I was referring to my cock.

POOR MEGAN FOX

By brendon July 11, 2008 @ 2:32 AM

There are new stills out from "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People", starring Kirsten Dunst, Megan Fox and (the totally awesome) Simon Pegg, and I think someone from casting needs to go back to casting school.  How could they put the Most Beautiful Woman In The World in the same scene with Megan Fox?  Snaggletooth lights up the screen, while poor unfortunate looking Megan just has to stand there and try not to get lost.  They should call this "Hottie and the Nottie 2".   It's not Megan's fault, I guess, just a cruel trick of fate that placed her next to my beloved Kirsten.  Frankly I'm surprised Kirsten's unsurpassed beauty even registers on film.  It's like trying to lasso a rainbow.



BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN IS A LIAR

By brendon July 10, 2008 @ 11:53 AM

Despite reports last week, reports that told the truth, Brian Austin Green says he has not been dumped by fiancé Megan Fox, and according to him, the relationship is going great.  It’s not clear why he would lie like this.  Probably because he’s a god damn liar.  Us magazine says…

"We're solid," Green, 34, says in the new issue of TV Guide. "We've lived together for three years. We have tattoos of each other's names.”
Green's only gripe about their relationship?
"We have more time away from each other right now than we'd like," he says.
Green – who has a son, Kassius, with ex fiancée Vanessa Marcil – says he "would love" to have more kids.
For now, he and Fox – who met in 2004 and got engaged in 2006 – are "rescuing pets from pet stores. We have a potbellied pig, we have dogs, two cats, two birds a squirrel.
"And Megan wants a leopard – that'll never happen!" Green adds. "That's a whole different world."

I want Megan to know that I’m getting pretty sick of Brian and his radical anti-leopard politics.  When she and I date she can get a T-Rex for all I care.  But it's no wonder he’s still clinging to her.  Remember this time last year when she gave him a blowjob him in the car, in a public parking lot, in the middle of the day?  Things like that are what make her one of the greatest women who have ever lived, and it’s why I have a 4 foot plastic figurine of her on my lawn at Christmas.

MEGAN FOX WALKING IS BIG NEWS

By brendon July 09, 2008 @ 9:20 AM

I wish there was a way for this to look like one of those spinning newspaper headlines in old movies when the headline yells, "WHO WILL SAVE US?"  Megan Fox walking across the parking lot is big news.  Because she's hot.  And by "hot", I mean, "hotter than every other girl combined, ever".  I could jack off while a bear was chasing me just by thinking about Megan Fox.  Needless to say I'm pretty excited about her being single.  As a sexy internet celebrity, I feel like I have a real chance.  We have so much in common.  She drinks Fiji, I drink Fiji.  She walks on two legs, I walk on two legs.  She has a vagina, and I have a long list of things I could place inside of it.  We're practically soul mates.