MICHAEL DOUGLAS – may lose the ability to speak after his 8 weeks of chemo for throat cancer. So if you need an A-list star in your movie about a mummy, send the script to Michael Douglas. (the sun)
SANDRA BULLOCK – says there is no chance at a reconciliation with Jesse James, who has taken the hint and started dating Kat Von D. It’s just like the last time I got dumped, except instead of banging new stray pussy, I carved FATTY into my arm and cried a lot. (popeater)
LINDSAY LOHAN – has been offered $1 million by OK! magazine for her first interview out of rehab. Is she in a good place now? Is the media always lying about her, and does she just want to concentrate on work now? I wonder what she’ll say. I bet it’s surprising. (hollywood reporter)
MEGAN FOX – sometimes borrows shirts, like the Star Wars one pictured, from her 8-year-old step-son. Which is why I mailed her step-son a fishnet tank top. (daily mail)
Last night Entertainment Tonight ran the exclusive first look at the Megan Fox wedding pictures, and it’s amazing that this was kept so quiet because it’s not as if they were being subtle.
The video is a little longer than it should be but I didn’t want people to worry about Mary Hart. I was a nervous wreck when I didn’t see her behind the desk as the video began. “Oh no,” I shouted. “Where’s Mary Hart? Is she okay, has there been an accident?” It would have ruined the whole show but luckily the first thing Marc Steiner does is calm everyone down by letting us know that Mary Hart is off tonight. Whew! What a relief. My heart was pounding a mile a minute.
Star is reporting tonight (and TMZ is now confirming) that Megan Fox got married to that guy she dates late last week in Hawaii. That guy she dates just pulled off the biggest upset since I won that underground no-rules karate tournament in Hong Kong last year. Hi-Ya!
Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green tied the knot late last week in Hawaii, a source tells Star exclusively!
“They had a fairly large wedding, but there were clearly more security people than guests! They had so many security people that they had to call in local security because the hotel security alone wouldn’t do. It was very hush hush. Everyone was sworn to secrecy.”
The location of the wedding — which took place Thursday or Friday — was the Four Seasons Hualalai at Historic Ka’upulehu on the big island of Hawaii.
“The place is perfect for a Hollywood wedding,” says the source. “It’s very romantic and scenic. Megan and Brian had already been there for a few days. It seemed like a spur of the moment thing. I don’t think it had been planned long.”
And the couple has been in no rush to leave.
“Megan and Brian are still there at the hotel, relaxing,” says the source. “They’re now celebrating their honeymoon.”
Aww man that’s so great. So romantic. They should go for a nice romantic dive while they’re there. See all the pretty fish and coral. Out there on a boat. In international waters. First I just need to switch Brians air tank for a propane tank, then I need to find a way to make a spark.
Megan Fox had more bad luck last night as the premier for her movie ‘Jonah Hex’ was the same night as game 7 of the NBA finals. And also because she’s one of those girls who looks better when she doesn’t try to look better. She looks better in a pair of jeans and t-shirt than she does in a fancy dress. She’s perfect just the way she is, I guess is my point. Like the laughter of a child or the promise of a new sunrise or my cock. An inch smaller would take away from it’s majesty, an inch bigger would just be greedy. Hint hint, Megan.
IAN SOMERHALDER - is politely wondering why Hollywood isn’t doing anything to help the Gulf Coast in the wake of the oil spill, considering they raised 58 million for Haiti which is a complete shithole anyway. It’s like putting a new refrigerator in a house that’s on fire. Fuck those other countries. U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!!! (popeater)
HARRISON FORD – took a break from filming ‘Cowboys and Aliens’ in New Mexico on Tuesday and married Calista Flockhart, his girlfriend for the past 8 years. It makes sense that his wedding would be tied to a movie like that since he’s so god damn in love with shoving aliens into places where they clearly don’t fucking belong. (abc news)
JONAH HILL – has revealed how he got the huge scar on his arm. He was “not a good kid” when he was 15 and one night he and a friend took an SUV and flipped it. Hills arm was hanging out the window at the time and it was dragged along the ground. He says he woke up to hear the doctors discussing if they should amputate it. Ohh brother, I know what that’s like. One time I stepped on a tack. (huff post)
MEGAN FOX - is of course the new Armani girl, and a second wave of lingerie pictures for her ad campaign are coming out. Like this one. Actually that’s the only one. This story went to hell pretty quick, didn’t it.
While in Hawaii two weeks ago, Megan Fox reportedly got engaged to Brian Austin Green (for the second time), but really all this story will do is give the dorks and fatties and keyboard nerds another reason to make fun of her. Us magazine says…
Green popped the question to Fox (on) June 1. But in all the excitement, the happy couple somehow lost the ring.
“I saw her jumping up and down,” a witness (says). “Later, I saw a half dozen staff sifting through the sand.”
Alas, the 2-carat sparkler, which the pair picked out together from Excalibur jewelry store in Beverly Hills, remains MIA.
“Security and maintenance staff spent a couple of hours looking for it,” another source tells Us Weekly. “No one found it.”
Megan has been especially low profile lately, maybe because this is true and she is engaged and doesn’t want to be hounded about it. Or maybe she heard I went off the grid and is trying to hide under that hat. Oh silly Megan. When two hearts are meant to be together no hat or smart ass judge or manhunt can stand between them.