Look, if I could make Megan Fox and Jessica Alba blow me while I took pictures of it for the website, I assure you I would. Until then here’s three Mel Gibson stories, because that’s the only thing in the news.
MEL GIBSON – claims his girlfriend tried to extort money from him in return for the tapes she made, and now she’s being investigated. The tapes likely won’t be admissible in any legal action against Mel, but the press he’s received has already ruined him professionally. “Well what did you expect from the Jew run media,” Gibson probably said. (la times)
LINDSAY LOHAN – cried a little when her lawyer came to visit yesterday. “She’s trying to make the necessary adjustments to an extremely stressful and difficult situation. There were some tears.” Girls often describe sex with me that same way. Because my dong is so huge, you see. (people)
OKSANA GRIGORIEVA – can prove that Mel Gibson hit their daughter because she has a picture showing the baby looking perfectly normal, except for an “abrasion” on her chin that you can only see because the camera is practically mushed against the babies face. Oksana says, “Mel punched her and hit their child.” With, I don’t even know, a straw, I guess. (radar)
JUDE LAW AND SIENNA MILLER – are still on vacation with three of Jude’s kids in Otranto, Apulia, Italy, and at least this time he has a beer in his hands. Last time he looked so girly he might as well have been kissing his Justin Bieber poster. (inf daily)
Both the Daily Mail and PopEater are saying today that Mel Gibson wants to reunite with his ex-wife and move back to Australia, where the two first met back in the late 1970′s. They got married in 1980 and raised 7 kids, all while Mel became one of the most popular and successful actors ever.
Okay now try and guess when his downward spiral began.
“Meeting Oksana Grigorieva and leaving his wife was the biggest mistake of Mel’s life. Robyn and (the kids) are heartbroken to see what has happened to him. Seeing the man they know as a husband and father being portrayed as a monster is very painful and not the man they thought they knew. However, neither is the man who would walk about from them for a younger Russian gold digger.”
“Mel didn’t ask Robyn for the affidavit and wept when he found out what she had done for him. He just wants his life to return to normal. Before he ever met that woman. He knows his Hollywood career is over. Now he just wants to return to Australia with his ex wife and children. Buy a ranch in the outback and live the rest of his life out of the spotlight.”
I actually totally believe this. After 7 kids Robyns vagina probably felt like Mel was humping the drapes, then he meets this evil Gypsy woman with her spooky accent and she put some curse on Mel. Now that she’s been exposed she’ll turn into a bat and fly away, but at least the word is out.
Mel Gibsons ex girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva has been saying that her dentist can attest to the fact that she had broken teeth and bruises on her face, the result of a violent fight with Mel. This is apparently news to the dentist. TMZ says…
Dr. Shelden saw no evidence Oksana was struck in the mouth.
Oksana told Sheriff’s deputies Mel Gibson struck her in the mouth twice, knocking one tooth out and chipping another.
Although Dr. Shelden sees no evidence of a strike to the mouth … (he) believes Oksana was struck in the left temple, which caused her to bite down so hard, one veneer was completely knocked out and another was damaged.
Oksana’s teeth were fully intact … (her) charts reflect two bite marks on the inside of the lower lip. The doctor says there was no swelling or bruising consistent with a punch to the mouth but believes instead the bite marks are consistent with “a chain reaction” after allegedly being hit in the temple.
Now this is just confusing because two days ago TMZ said this very same dentist, “wrote a sworn declaration in which he says Oksana not only told him Mel had hit her … but he was so concerned for her safety he offered to let her stay at his home.”
I guess maybe Oksana just said he wrote that, and was lying, because, short of adding a car chase and a wish granting donkey, these two stories could not be more in direct conflict with one another.
Just when it seemed there was no possible salvation for Mel Gibsons reputation, things suddenly changed yesterday and now there’s a growing number of stories suggesting his ex has been manipulating evidence or even outright lying. Like this expert who told PopEater she edited the now famous audio tapes…
Arlo E. West, president and CEO of Creative Forensic Services, INC., and one of the nation’s leading certified forensic audio and video experts, tells PopEater that the Gibson tapes are altered copies. West, who has listened to all of the tapes, says there are gaps and fading — which are “red flags” that the recordings have been altered and therefore “cannot be considered accurate.” He’s also convinced Oksana had professional help to edit the tapes together from a string of conversations.
(Oksanas dentist, who treated her after Mel allegedly punched her) is saying, “The nose is not hers. The lips are not right. It’s not a true and accurate picture. It has definitely been altered.”
And maybe most helpful of all was Mels ex-wife defending him in court yesterday, saying…
“Mel never engaged in any physical abuse of any kind toward me before, during or after our marriage. Mel was a wonderful and loving father.”
None of this changes the stuff Mel clearly said on the tape, but there’s a pretty big leap between saying mean shit on the phone when you’re drunk and actually punching a girl in the face. That’s probably the most damaging thing a girl could ever say about a guy. The only thing that would be worse is saying he can’t get an erection and then cries about it. And if Jennifer told you that, she was lying. She’s just mad because I gave it to her so good and then dumped her.