By Lex December 16, 2015 @ 7:56 AM
Melanie Griffith isn’t getting older, she’s getting wiser. Wise enough to head off trolls calling her an overworked plasticine mummy face before it even happens. Griffith has grown weary of the constant negative comments about her frozen looks so she’s countered by posting unfiltered photos of herself and daring people to say mean things. Because mean people suck. As opposed to 58 year old moms who feel a need for acceptance on Instagram.
If you feel too old to be at the hot club, maybe don’t go to the hot club. People are less judgmental at Soup Plantation and drinks are alway a buck ninety-nine. I’m sorry social media didn’t exist when people would’ve written kindly about wanting to cum super hard on your tits. You missed your window. You can’t win this battle. Nor can you probably stop. I’ve seen this story before. It doesn’t end well. Are you smiling or are your servos contracting?
Photo credit: Melanie Griffith Instagram
By Lex September 24, 2014 @ 9:32 AM
Nothing says I’m AARP and DTF quite like wearing a sheer short dress at a vegan smoothie stand in L.A with your former husband’s name tattoo under a bandage on your arm. Melanie Griffith has it just right. Securing her fourth model husband won’t be a simple task. Plastic surgery and swallowing pills of bitter disappointment are just the basics. Pulling off sexy and vital at 57 is another matter. Madonna is banging 20-something ISIS Undecideds but that’s more by fiat than physical-skeletal attraction. Sharon Stone is plowing through young men who agree to leave her lair before the first rays of natural sunlight expose the sinew and cord binding her together like a haunting Tim Burton stop-motion figurine. Melanie has the distinct advantage of money, fame. and a house big enough to accommodate a hunky young man with acting talent yet to be recognized by the industry. I suspect she’ll have some Chad or Brandon dick inside of her before her final round of laser tattoo removal replaces Antonio’s name with her Tinder handle. Keep the clothes sheer and the smoothies GMO free and the boys will come.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex June 27, 2014 @ 2:15 PM
Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith simply grew apart after one of the longest not-gay cover marriages in Hollywood. There were rumors that the couple broke up over Antonio having an affair with hot Indian actress Mallika Sherawat, but Mallika adamantly denies any illicit rendezvous:
Antonio Banderas is a wonderful man, a great dancer and an acquaintance of mine.
Um, I think that’s a denial. As for Melanie, as with all women who decided to get their lover’s names tattooed forever on their bodies, breakup meant a trip to the busy offices of Dr. Tattoff for a date with the laser. She could’ve gone with ‘Love My Man’ or ‘Cock is Awesome’ or something more generically Hallmark, but ‘Antonio’ meant a painful series of dermatological abrasions. Antonio had Melanie’s name tattooed as well, but he took the more expedient route and just amended it to read, ‘Melanie Griffith Also Thinks I’m a Great Dancer’
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, FameFlynet
By Travis February 28, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
Most restaurants in major cities have either banned smoking or hired someone to blast you in the face with a fire hose if you even think about lighting up in or around the property, but the staff at this restaurant in West Hollywood didn’t seem to mind when Melanie Griffith was puffing away at her table yesterday. The rest of the customers probably complained to high hell, but Melanie just sat there shouting, “I was in Milk Money!” in that awful voice of hers, before everyone else just said fuck it and let the old lady have her cancer. Also, they might have been distracted by her friend’s really big breasts, because I’ve forgotten my name six times since first looking at them.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By brendon December 15, 2009 @ 4:59 PM
The cup Melanie Griffith is drinking from in these pictures must have been filled up at the Fountain of Youth because she hasn’t aged a day! She looks exactly how I remember. I remember her lips going all the way across her face like Heath Ledgers Joker or Oscar the Grouch, and her hair being dry and stringy, the kind you’d see on a lady in a storybook where naughty children are baked into pies.
(source = flynet online)
I naturally assume that everyone is still riding the high of LSU winning the College World Series last night, their sixth since 1991, so I’m sorry to drag everyone down, but late last night Farrah Fawcetts publicist made this statement:
It was just related to me, that our Farrah just given last rites. She is not in any pain. For those who believe make contact with god now.
That was on his Twitter page, and I’m no pc homo but I don’t think it would have killed him to change out his wildly, insanely inappropriate wallpaper before making a post about his client going to see God. But whatever. I thought a nice way to honor Farrah on what may be her final day would be to post a bunch of her Playboy pictures and then stare at her tits. You stay classy Brendon!
BREAKING CRAPPY UPDATE – at 9:37am pct, Entertainment Tonight issued an alert reporting that Farrah Fawcett died this morning at the age of 62.
(the pictures start here, and I should mention that they were surprisingly hard to find, so I tacked on Melanie Griffiths 1976 shoot when she was 19 – guest starring Don Johnson and Not Shaving – and Bo Dereks in 1980. I figure they’re all basically the same thing)