Melissa Satta In A Bikini

By Lex April 30, 2013 @ 3:03 PM

Melissa Satta In A Bikini At The Beach In Miami
Melissa Satta left Boston as a teenager because hot girls don’t belong in Boston. City charter mandates girls in the upper echelon move out at least as far as Southern New Hampshire by the age of consent. She moved to Italy where her parents were from and became a big time television hostess and personality because she has an amazing ass and flawless English. This sort of tracks my own personal journey, thought I wasn’t hot and my parents were from a midwestern city where the Italian kids beat my dad up a lot. Still, I like to think we’d have something in common should I ever meet her after sneaking into an airline VIP club one day.

Here’s Melissa in a bikini in Miami. That city has the opposite policy of Boston. Hot girls have to move there when they turn 18. I’ll leave it to you to decide which burg has a better civic plan.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin

Melissa Satta is here to help

By brendon June 29, 2011 @ 6:46 PM

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Today was really boring, unless you felt like obsessing over Lindsay Lohan but I’ll save that for when she gets arrested again, which I assume will happen within three months. But luckily Italian actress and model Melissa Satta (who was on the page once before) is here to turn that frown upside down by being awesome in a bikini today in Formentera. I would go there but I have no idea where that is. Heaven?

monday morning headlines

By brendon January 04, 2010 @ 11:14 AM

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AVATAR - has already made 1 billion dollars, only the 5th movie to ever do so, and it’s only been in theaters for three weeks. Wait, no, three months.  Weeks.  I don’t know, one of those two.  What am I, on trial here?  Leave me alone!  (los angeles times)

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY - His girlfriend gave birth to a girl yesterday, their second child in just 18 months. What a slut. Hopefully her new years resolution was to keep her pants on for 10 minutes.  (us magazine)

OLIVIA MUNN - Despite telling Maxim last month that she was single, Olivia was out this weekend with her on again/off again boyfriend, ‘Star Trek’ star Chris Pine. More like Chris FINE, am I right?! Wait. No. No it is Pine. With a P. My mistake. (people)

MELISSA SATTA - is an Italian actress and model, and I don’t know much about her, but I do know that she was in Miami this weekend and that her ass is fantastic.  It’s so firm looking, I feel like if I tried to hump it and missed my penis would crumple up like an empty beer can.