screw you Michael Bay

By brendon November 18, 2011 @ 1:29 PM

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I had a ten minute conversation with Michael Bay one time when I was bartending in Santa Monica, and he was nothing but nice even though he was Michael Bay and I was just some smart ass bartender, but Lauren Stoner, who is rumored to be his girlfriend, was on Miami beach yesterday and her ass is fantastic so fuck him. I’m all for people banging girls with hot asses, but only when I’m the one doing it.

(image source = bauer griffin)

Michael Bay is not directing Transformers 4, 5

By brendon October 20, 2011 @ 12:40 PM

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Despite recent reports, Michael Bay went on his forums yesterday and said he is not in talks with Paramount to direct the next two ‘Transformers’ movies back to back. Then he adds, “Also just finishing the 3 disc set of the Transformer trilogy.” So I guess thats what we’re calling these, though it seems a rather lofty term for movies about talking robots who turn into cars and fight.

‘Transformers’ 4 and 5 might star Jason Statham

By brendon October 18, 2011 @ 1:10 PM

Ehren Kruger is a pretty shitty writer, so this seems hard to believe but apparently he has an idea so amazing that Paramount might film ‘Transformers’ 4 and 5 back-to-back, maybe even with Michael Bay directing them again despite earlier saying he was done with the franchise.

Even more surprising is the possibility of Jason Statham as the new lead. This would be bad news for the Decipticons, who keep in mind were 0-3 even when the Autobots were led by that nebbish little Jew.

(source = latino review)

‘Transformers 3′ is down 40 percent from ’2′

By brendon June 30, 2011 @ 4:27 PM

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No doubt fueled by it’s juvenile cheap shots at Megan Fox (like Shia telling his parents he “moved on to something better” or one of the robots saying his last girlfriend was “mean”), ‘Transformers 3’ had the biggest opening day of 2011 and is doing incredibly well by any definition.

Unless you compare it to the opening day for ‘Transformers 2’, the one with Megan Fox, in which case it’s an embarrassing failure.

E! cites this list of the all time opening days on Box Office Mojo and says

In its first full day in theaters, Transformers: Dark of the Moon grossed an estimated $37.3 million, good for sixth place on the list of all-time Wednesday openers.
But as you’ll notice, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is in second place, with a far bigger, far fatter $62 million debut.

And that’s despite the fact that 60 percent of ticket sales were for 3D, where average ticket prices are $10.85 and $14.85 for IMAX, as compared to the $7.50 they paid to see the second one.

It’s also despite the fact that ‘Dark of the Moon’ is actually pretty good. I’m as amazed as anyone but I liked it. The good news is they can still match the weekend total for ‘Revenge of the Fallen’, as long as they consider a weekend to be 17 days long.

(image source = splash)

Michael Bay offers a $50,000 reward, needs google

By brendon September 01, 2010 @ 7:03 PM

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‘Transformers’ director Michael Bay offered a $50,000 reward on his website earlier this afternoon, asking for information about the video that’s everywhere this week, the one showing some little bitch in a red hooded sweatshirt, cackling with delight as she drowns several puppies.

Read more >

most people seem to believe megan fox

By brendon May 27, 2010 @ 4:39 PM

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When it was announced that Megan Fox had essentially been fired from ‘Transformers 3′, jealous fat girls and keyboard nerds all had a good laugh. The spaz from superficial even predicted the end of her career. It was a real low point for Megan. He may be awkwardly unfunny, but if there’s one thing that dork is good at, it’s predictions.

But then Megan said she had no intention of doing the movie anyway. And then Jezebel ran this article. And thewrap ran this article. And now Ted Casablanca on E! is running this article.

…says a close Fox friend and ally. “This was never about money. It’s always been how she was treated as a human being, it just wasn’t good.”
“Bay would constantly scream at her. He would scream at everyone, but especially Megan. Imagine a really, really bitchy grandmother on the set, and that’s what Michael Bay is like.”
(Michael Bay) certainly has the reputation around town of being very hard to work for, especially if you’re a woman.
Our Transformers insider says Megan told him: “All [Bay] wants to do is shoot my ass and my tits, I hate him!’”

In Bay’s defense, these movies are retarded. I’d film Megan Foxs tits and ass for 90 minutes too. The sequel would have been called, ‘Transformers 2: Erotic Awakening”.

It opens with Diora Baird at the sink rinsing some dishes. Megan Fox walks up behind her and gives her a hug, rests her head on Dioras shoulder. Megan thanks her for her help, then casually mentions how pretty Diora looked at the party tonight. Diora smiles and laughs, her skin beginning to tingle but surprised by this new intimacy. Then Megan says it again, “you looked really sexy”, and then, slowly, deliberately, Megan eases her hands up from Dioras tight stomach and soft hips, and begins to rub her breasts. Megans hot breath and wet tongue mark their way down the cool skin on Dioras neck, a rush of pleasure, of course she noticed Megan before, the quick glances, the penetrating stares, and of course she was curious about an encounter with another woman, but this was all so sudden. Was it the champagne or the look in Megans eyes, it was hard to tell by now, but one thing was certain: this night was going to be like no other, and come morning, nothing would ever be the same.

I haven’t really worked out all the beats yet but after that they go fuck. Oh and there’s no robots. And it’s set in the 70’s. The End.

(picture source of Megans Armani ads all across Rome = splash )