Much like Mel Gibson before him, Michael Lohan was arrested last night in Florida for attacking his girlfriend after she refused to give him a blow job. Women really don’t seem to understand how awesome blowjobs are.
According to the police report, Lohan “grabbed and squeezed” (Kate) Major’s arms and repeatedly pushed her to the ground in Tuesday’s incident, leaving her bruised.
Police said they arrived to a tense scene between Lohan and Major.
“As we approached the door, we could hear a female yelling ‘Stop’ and ‘Leave me alone,’” police said, adding Lohan was “wearing only shorts, and was out of breath/sweating” when he answered the door.
“He immediately got defensive, saying, ‘Everything is OK and nothing happened here,’” police said. “The victim started yelling in the background for us to help her because he was lying. We separated the two at this time.”
Police reported that Major “was crying … afraid … shaking and having a hard time catching her breath” when they initially interviewed her.
“She had some redness on her arms with minor bruising on her arm and knee,” police said, adding her cell phone was destroyed.
Police said “the bathroom door [at their home appeared] to have a dent consistent with the height of the [Major's] head.”
“This is why I replaced all my doors with ones made of solid oak,” said Mel Gibson when he read this. “You can take a sledgehammer to those things before they dent.”
PEOPLE WHO READ TYLER - are concerned. About something. I’m not sure what though. Earthquakes? That can’t be right. For future reference, if you want me to read your email, don’t be real hot and certainly don’t include pictures where I can look down your shirt. This link could give everyone some terrible virus for all I know, or just be a .pdf with my social security number, birthday and credit scores. (blaghag)
DINA LOHAN - says Michael Lohan is only pretending to be concerned about Lindsay so he can get control of her money. Yes, if only he had that half-million dollar debt and no possible way of ever coming out of it. THEN, the power would be all his. (radar)
RANDY QUAID - is in jail for walking out on a $10,000 hotel bill that he ran up in Sept, 2009. Wait, he wasn’t in jail for that until now? Jesus Christ. I know for a while there was talk of California seceding from the union. Is that still an option? Because by all means go for it. (people)
Lindsay Lohans’ dad Michael was arrested on December 14th for violating a restraining order put on him by his ex girlfriend Erin Muller, and yesterday Muller stepped things up by filing papers with a New York court claiming Lohan beat her at least a dozen times during their 2-year relationship. Some of the highlights…
Dec. 9, 2007: Michael Lohan “slapped Erin in the face twice because Erin accused him of giving her a fake watch on her birthday.
Feb. 2008: Michael “punched Erin in the mouth” because she had a male friend on Facebook
March 2008: Michael “whipped a computer cord” at her face but she blocked it with her hand … causing a laceration.
May 5, 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the ribs.”
May 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the vagina, bruising it and causing substantial pain.”
June 2008: Michael “spit in Erin’s face, and beat her repeatedly with his fist.” Then he “yelled at her to ’stop crying c*nt — other people will see you — if they see you, I will kill you!’”
I like when stories like this are made public because I’m a crappy boyfriend but at least I’ve never kicked my girlfriend in her vagina, bruising it and causing substantial pain. In fact I’ve had several girlfriends comment that their vagina was never even sore, and in some cases showroom new, even after we’d dated for several months.
So I don’t mean to brag but … hey wait a second…
Do you see now why a Lindsay picture ban is long overdue?
But, whatever. More to the point, TMZ has lost their minds. Today they have the breathless headline that Michael Lohan may face jail time because he gave Radar Online recordings of several phone calls between himself, Lindsay and his ex wife Dina.
Michael Lohan could wind up behind bars for his despicable decision to release secret recordings of his family’s phone conversations — because it appears (he) wasn’t legally allowed to be on the calls in the first place.
It’s all over a protective order Dina obtained in Nassau County, New York back in 2005, which bans Michael from communicating with Dina by email or phone until 2011.
Unfortunately for Lindsay — who was granted a one-year protective order against Michael back in 2004 — there are no laws against being an insensitive, fame-hungry, backstabbing father.
Clearly this has outraged TMZ and will set back their quest to clean up celebrity media, and has nothing to do with the tapes going to a rival, but is what they’re saying even true? I don’t know what the statute of limitations is on perfectly pleasant phone calls but if she wanted to report this crime she should have done it by now.
This is New York. And she’s already said the phone calls are over a year old. The judge is gonna have her approach the bench just so he can conk her on the head with his gavel. She could maybe try to claim she felt threatened, but there’s simply no chance her dumb ass is smart enough for that. They’re dumb as rocks, these Lohans. “He made me talk to him, I couldn’t get away. I heard a hissing sound. I think he had dynamite. I was lucky to get off the phone alive.”
