Michael Lohan Nobly Blames Himself for Lindsay’s Drug Problems

By Lex August 28, 2013 @ 11:27 AM

Lindsay Lohan Smokes A Cigarette As She Walks Around SoHo
Just when you thought Michael Lohan couldn’t be more of a Sir Walter Raleigh figure, he goes and takes the blame for Lindsay turning from a teen party girl into a 20-something fall down drunk and drug addict.

“It was not her fault. I love her for saying that, but there was no need to say it.”

Specifically, Michael blames his divorce from Dina as the trigger for Lindsay’s substance abuse. Which is a nice way of not blaming the alleged beatings he gave his wife, pushing his young daughter into show business to pay the family bills, his multiple stints in jail and prison, his own drug addictions, his betrayals of her confidence to turn a buck for himself, his cheesy public affairs and siring of more children, and just having some really unfortunate looking hair plugs. To name a few. So, just like Sir Walter Raleigh, if Raleigh had been a total shitbag. Way to fall on the sword, Mikey.

Here’s Lindsay in SoHo yesterday. Everybody’s saying she’s never looked better, which roughly translates to, ‘I can’t believe she’s still alive.’

Photo Credit: PCN, Splash

Lindsay Lohan Is Supposedly Sober Again

By Travis May 29, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

If Lindsay Lohan is smart – big if – she’s using her time at the Betty Ford Clinic to plan something really insane for when she tries to make her next comeback and needs to take back her crown as Queen Meltdown from Amanda Bynes. Because, let’s face it, nobody is going to hire Lindsay to work on another movie or TV show, when her last two co-stars – porn star James Deen and Charlie Sheen – complained about how unprofessional she is.

So while Father of the Year hall-of-famer Michael Lohan stopped by the Betty Ford Clinic to have lunch with his daughter, only to come out singing praises that Lindsey is clean, sober and “phenomenal” to TMZ, he should be helping her storyboard a scenario in which someone “leaks” a sex tape of her that involves the Sacramento Kings at a Tijuana donkey show, filmed entirely in a swimming pool filled with heroin. That should buy her at least three more months in the spotlight.

(Photo Credit: Getty)

here are the black eye picturers Dina Lohan talked about

By brendon January 08, 2013 @ 1:56 PM

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Yesterday, the Daily News had an interview with Dina Lohan where she mentioned some pictures of her with a black eye that she (allegedly) got after Michael Lohan gave her a few Irish kisses when Lindsay was a baby. Well now Entertainment Tonight has those pictures, because apparently they pay more than the Daily News.

Dina revealed details about the alleged abuse, saying, “I will tell my story … about abuse and how I’ve survived it and how my children have survived it. It shed some light on my children’s behavior, having to witness it.”
Michael vehemently denies abusing Dina, telling ET, “[Dina] hit me with an ice tray, and I turned around and swung … I didn’t punch her. I didn’t do anything deliberately to attack her. I swung out of reflex … she’s twisting everything.”

Everything but her torso to duck when he threw a punch. When you’re white trash like the Lohans are, the number one rule should be to keep your head on a swivel, because someone could attack you with an ice tray or throw a looping roundhouse at any moment.

Lindsay Lohans dad was arrested again

By brendon October 25, 2011 @ 4:32 PM

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Much like Mel Gibson before him, Michael Lohan was arrested last night in Florida for attacking his girlfriend after she refused to give him a blow job. Women really don’t seem to understand how awesome blowjobs are.

According to the police report, Lohan “grabbed and squeezed” (Kate) Major’s arms and repeatedly pushed her to the ground in Tuesday’s incident, leaving her bruised.
Police said they arrived to a tense scene between Lohan and Major.
“As we approached the door, we could hear a female yelling ‘Stop’ and ‘Leave me alone,’” police said, adding Lohan was “wearing only shorts, and was out of breath/sweating” when he answered the door.
“He immediately got defensive, saying, ‘Everything is OK and nothing happened here,’” police said. “The victim started yelling in the background for us to help her because he was lying. We separated the two at this time.”
Police reported that Major “was crying … afraid … shaking and having a hard time catching her breath” when they initially interviewed her.
“She had some redness on her arms with minor bruising on her arm and knee,” police said, adding her cell phone was destroyed.
Police said “the bathroom door [at their home appeared] to have a dent consistent with the height of the [Major's] head.”

“This is why I replaced all my doors with ones made of solid oak,” said Mel Gibson when he read this. “You can take a sledgehammer to those things before they dent.”

monday night headlines

By brendon April 26, 2010 @ 7:35 PM

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PEOPLE WHO READ TYLER - are concerned. About something. I’m not sure what though. Earthquakes? That can’t be right. For future reference, if you want me to read your email, don’t be real hot and certainly don’t include pictures where I can look down your shirt. This link could give everyone some terrible virus for all I know, or just be a .pdf with my social security number, birthday and credit scores. (blaghag)

DINA LOHAN - says Michael Lohan is only pretending to be concerned about Lindsay so he can get control of her money. Yes, if only he had that half-million dollar debt and no possible way of ever coming out of it. THEN, the power would be all his. (radar)

RANDY QUAID - is in jail for walking out on a $10,000 hotel bill that he ran up in Sept, 2009. Wait, he wasn’t in jail for that until now? Jesus Christ. I know for a while there was talk of California seceding from the union. Is that still an option? Because by all means go for it. (people)

“…kicked her in the vagina.”

By brendon December 29, 2009 @ 11:14 AM

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Lindsay Lohans’ dad Michael was arrested on December 14th for violating a restraining order put on him by his ex girlfriend Erin Muller, and yesterday Muller stepped things up by filing papers with a New York court claiming Lohan beat her at least a dozen times during their 2-year relationship. Some of the highlights…

Dec. 9, 2007: Michael Lohan “slapped Erin in the face twice because Erin accused him of giving her a fake watch on her birthday.
Feb. 2008: Michael “punched Erin in the mouth” because she had a male friend on Facebook
March 2008: Michael “whipped a computer cord” at her face but she blocked it with her hand … causing a laceration.
May 5, 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the ribs.”
May 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the vagina, bruising it and causing substantial pain.”
June 2008: Michael “spit in Erin’s face, and beat her repeatedly with his fist.” Then he “yelled at her to ‘stop crying c*nt — other people will see you — if they see you, I will kill you!’”

I like when stories like this are made public because I’m a crappy boyfriend but at least I’ve never kicked my girlfriend in her vagina, bruising it and causing substantial pain. In fact I’ve had several girlfriends comment that their vagina was never even sore, and in some cases showroom new, even after we’d dated for several months.

So I don’t mean to brag but … hey wait a second…