Michael Phelps Arrested For DUI And Shit Around The Web

By Jack September 30, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Swimmer and professional Olympics attender Michael Phelps was arrested for a DUI. He says he’s sorry because, you know, he got caught. Unfortunately, he did not get hurt.

Read about Michael Phelps’ night in jail. (TMZ)

Jessica Biel is either preggers or fat. Whatever, she’s still in a bikini. (Drunken Stepfather)

The aptly named Luna Castilho is sexy as fuck. (Hollywood Tuna)

Michelle Vawers in lingerie makes my wiener do a happy dance. (Popoholic)

Lumpy troll Lena Dunham gets called out for her hypocrisy on Twitter. (The Superficial)

Jessica Chastain has some big ‘ol titties in UK Harpers Bazaar. (COED)

Playmate Iryna Ivanova is hot even if she’s in a Cardinals’ jersey. (Busted Coverage)

Win McMurry Is Michael Phelps New Girlfriend

By Lex July 19, 2013 @ 3:50 PM

Win McMurry And Michael Phelps At The ESPY Awards
She’s a golf channel TV host, a model, and an author. Though I’m guessing there’s less active energy spent on the latter. She was Michael Phelps date to the ESPYs so naturally everybody is asking about the new hot chick he’s banging. Err, about the new hot author he’s banging.

Here’s a bunch of hot photos of Win authoring stuff.

Photo Credit: Getty, WENN, WinMcMurry.com

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher went to Israel

By brendon October 11, 2010 @ 1:57 PM

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On Friday I mentioned that Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher had sort of a sex party thing with Michael Phelps (not the first time Moore and Phelps have been seen together according to the NY Post and the Enquirer), which is just one of many rumors about their alleged open marriage. But they’re putting on a united front, and this weekend they went to Israel, where Ashton will speak at a conference for Bezeq.

I have no idea what Bezeq is, btw. This Israeli telecommunications company presumably, but Ashton is an idiot. Who would hire that dummy to talk? A better guess is that Demi wanted some unclipped cock and it’s some kind of swingers retreat. This bitch knows how to party!

EXCLUSIVE – Demi Moore cheated with Michael Phelps

By brendon October 08, 2010 @ 2:09 PM

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“Might have”. There was no room for “might have” in the headline, it should have gone between “Demi Moore” and “cheated”, but the story is sexier if you ignore that part anyway. What matters is that the girl who Ashton Kutcher cheated with is saying that Ashton and Demi Moore have an open marriage, filled with three-ways and all kinds of crazy sex. Awesome, right?

Maybe not. I can’t go into details about who told me this, but…

“(Michael Phelps) was at a party with Demi, Ashton, Snoop and a couple of other celebrities.  The 4 of them and a couple of other women ended up in a room where Ashton was getting a blowjob from one of these random women with Demi next to him getting finger banged by Phelps while Snoop was across the room smoking a blunt just watching everything happen.”

It’s a crazy story, but I was at a party one time and I got a blow job too, so everything adds up. I can also totally picture Ashton sitting there like an impotent jackass while Olympic hero Michael Phelps jammed those rolling pin sized fingers inside his wife. What a weirdo. I hope the next time Ashton went down on her she smelled like chlorine and he cried all night.

(if you missed it, the rest of the pictures from the headline are here)

michael phelps is so screwed

By brendon February 02, 2009 @ 5:30 AM

Aren’t we kind of beyond the point where smoking weed is shocking?  Especially for an athlete, damn sure especially for a swimmer.  Anytime you’re in a sport where there are girls on the team, those people are gonna know how to party.  The entire sport is just a thinly veiled sham in hopes of seeing the girls tits.  The point to all this is that Michael Phelps got caught smoking a bong.  News of the World says…

It was on November 6, weeks after his Beijing triumph, that 23-year-old Phelps surprised students at the University Of South Carolina in Columbia by showing up unannounced at a house party.
He was visiting Jordan Matthews, a girl he was secretly seeing who was a student there.
Our source revealed: “Michael came to visit Jordan but ended up just getting wasted every night.
 “He arrived with a group of girls hanging all over him. Jaws hit the floor when he walked in. You don’t get many celebrities in Columbia, so when Phelps comes to your party it’s a very big deal.
“He didn’t know many people so you’d think he’d be a little shy. But he was loud, obnoxious and slamming beers from the get-go.
As he basked in his hero status, Phelps knocked back beers and shots of spirits. And when a student offered him the glass bong engraved with red writing, he did not hesitate, says our source.
Our source said: “You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do.
 “He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits.”

Oh Jesus whatever.  It’s not like he was organizing bum fights.  Besides, what if we need someone to ride a seahorse and protect our oceans from threats of evil?  If he turns against us, who will we get?

AWW SCREW YOU MICHAEL PHELPS

By brendon December 11, 2008 @ 11:39 AM

Michael Phelps was heading through LAX yesterday to catch a flight home, when a total stranger, that hot Asian chick with the big tits, started following him around.  Which is annoying because hot Asian chicks with big tits is my thing.  Even though I'm white, Im real open minded like that.  So she should be following me around the airport, is my point.  I didn’t win 8 gold medals in the Olympics, but I did win several homeroom spelling bees when I was a boy, and according to a survey of my grandparents, I'm cute as the dickens.  So call me baby, let's see what we can work out. 

(picture source = splash news)