On Friday I mentioned that Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher had sort of a sex party thing with Michael Phelps (not the first time Moore and Phelps have been seen together according to the NY Post and the Enquirer), which is just one of many rumors about their alleged open marriage. But they’re putting on a united front, and this weekend they went to Israel, where Ashton will speak at a conference for Bezeq.
I have no idea what Bezeq is, btw. This Israeli telecommunications company presumably, but Ashton is an idiot. Who would hire that dummy to talk? A better guess is that Demi wanted some unclipped cock and it’s some kind of swingers retreat. This bitch knows how to party!
“Might have”. There was no room for “might have” in the headline, it should have gone between “Demi Moore” and “cheated”, but the story is sexier if you ignore that part anyway. What matters is that the girl who Ashton Kutcher cheated with is saying that Ashton and Demi Moore have an open marriage, filled with three-ways and all kinds of crazy sex. Awesome, right?
Maybe not. I can’t go into details about who told me this, but…
“(Michael Phelps) was at a party with Demi, Ashton, Snoop and a couple of other celebrities. The 4 of them and a couple of other women ended up in a room where Ashton was getting a blowjob from one of these random women with Demi next to him getting finger banged by Phelps while Snoop was across the room smoking a blunt just watching everything happen.”
It’s a crazy story, but I was at a party one time and I got a blow job too, so everything adds up. I can also totally picture Ashton sitting there like an impotent jackass while Olympic hero Michael Phelps jammed those rolling pin sized fingers inside his wife. What a weirdo. I hope the next time Ashton went down on her she smelled like chlorine and he cried all night.
(if you missed it, the rest of the pictures from the headline are here)
Aren’t we kind of beyond the point where smoking weed is shocking? Especially for an athlete, damn sure especially for a swimmer. Anytime you’re in a sport where there are girls on the team, those people are gonna know how to party. The entire sport is just a thinly veiled sham in hopes of seeing the girls tits. The point to all this is that Michael Phelps got caught smoking a bong. News of the World says…
It was on November 6, weeks after his Beijing triumph, that 23-year-old Phelps surprised students at the University Of South Carolina in Columbia by showing up unannounced at a house party.
He was visiting Jordan Matthews, a girl he was secretly seeing who was a student there.
Our source revealed: “Michael came to visit Jordan but ended up just getting wasted every night.
“He arrived with a group of girls hanging all over him. Jaws hit the floor when he walked in. You don’t get many celebrities in Columbia, so when Phelps comes to your party it’s a very big deal.
“He didn’t know many people so you’d think he’d be a little shy. But he was loud, obnoxious and slamming beers from the get-go.
As he basked in his hero status, Phelps knocked back beers and shots of spirits. And when a student offered him the glass bong engraved with red writing, he did not hesitate, says our source.
Our source said: “You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do.
“He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits.”
Oh Jesus whatever. It’s not like he was organizing bum fights. Besides, what if we need someone to ride a seahorse and protect our oceans from threats of evil? If he turns against us, who will we get?
Michael Phelps was heading through LAX yesterday to catch a flight home, when a total stranger, that hot Asian chick with the big tits, started following him around. Which is annoying because hot Asian chicks with big tits is my thing. Even though I'm white, Im real open minded like that. So she should be following me around the airport, is my point. I didn’t win 8 gold medals in the Olympics, but I did win several homeroom spelling bees when I was a boy, and according to a survey of my grandparents, I'm cute as the dickens. So call me baby, let's see what we can work out.
(picture source = splash news)
Michael Phelps has been cashing in ever since his coronation as one of the worlds greatest athletes two weeks ago, but his most impressive score may be yet to come. According to the National Enquirer…
Michael was over the moon after hearing a rumor that the one-time American Idol thinks he is “cute.” According to celebrity tattles on-site at the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics, the twentysomethings are frequently texting each other and have already begun planning a “quiet first date” near Carrie’s home in Nashville, Tennessee.
“Carrie needs someone who is going to stick by her,” a skeptical pal of Carrie’s revealed to the National Enquirer. “She was devastated when her relationship with Tony Romo broke. The last thing she needs is a relationship with another high-profile celebrity who’s going to end up loving and leaving her.”
"Someone to stick by her"? Well then don’t date athletes and actors. You want devotion, swing by the Dog-N-Suds, I'm sure every guy in there would smother his girlfriend with a pillow to free up the time to get on you.
Billy Bushs indomitable spirit brings joy to America's heart, but he may have just made an enemy in Samantha Ronsom. She’s met him, probably thought she knew him, but nothing would prepare her for what would happen next. Access Hollywood says…
Back in Athens in 2004, we asked Michael which Hollywood celebrity he’d most like to meet.
“Lindsay Lohan,” he told us then. “She’s pretty hot.”
Well, Billy Bush reached out Lindsay for messages to Michael during the Beijing games.
Earlier in the week, Lindsay told Billy to tell Michael, “Good Luck.”
So what did Lindsay tell Billy today to say to Michael, following his 8th gold medal win?
“Tell him he’s (expletive) amazing, and I want to meet him.”
Yeah Lindsay is gonna hit that. She watched him do that butterfly kick underwater and hatched her plan right then. She hasn’t gotten any in months, so try not to stare if you see her next week with a cold Bud Light can pressed against her crotch.
