Michael Sam Cruising

By Matt July 20, 2015 @ 6:23 AM


Michael Sam hit up some trashy night club in Hollywood which serves overpriced drinks, which is curious since he’s never had a job except third string tackling dummy and that time he ballroom danced which I guess pays decent. Sam recently signed a two year deal with the Montreal Allouettes of the Canadian Football League, but he has yet to play in one of their four games this season, possibly because he’s sitting next to his land line waiting for Oprah to call and offer him a gig where he flips houses on camera. Anything but playing football. I heard it’s huge in Canada right behind bowling and cheese grating. Should he enter a game, Sam would become the first openly gay male to play Canadian football and also the first guy without Down’s Syndrome. There’s always the cruise ship circuit. Not saying you’ll get paid, but you could go on a cruise and meet some dude who will pay your rent for a few months while you study the playbook. Nice abs. This team’s on a budget, we’re sharing rooms.

Photo Credit: Youtube/TMZ

Michael Sam Taking Names

By Lex March 27, 2015 @ 11:22 AM


Michael Sam concludes every public statement by insisting he doesn’t believe that he’s being discriminated against by the NFL though he has no explanation other than discrimination for why he’s not playing in the NFL. People are free to draw their own conclusions, including his, which he wants to make clear is not discrimination, even if that’s the only logical conclusion:

“Hopefully I’m not being discriminated [against] because I’m gay. I don’t believe that I’m being discriminated [against] because I’m gay. I just want to know if I’m truly not in the NFL, it’s because of talent. Let it be because of my talents. But you’ve got to prove that I can’t play this game. If you look at the film, clearly I can. So, I’ll leave it at that. …”

Sam got himself back into the news this week by announcing there are plenty of closeted gay guys in the NFL. Everybody pretty much already assumes this but not everybody needs to feed the media a ready made headline.

I’m just saying there is a lot of us. I respect the players that did reach out to me and had the courage to tell me that they were also gay, but they do not have the same courage as I do to come out before I even played a down in the NFL.

For his courage, the Great Oz is going to give Sam a brilliant heart medallion and extend his hand for a Paso Doble. Sam has stated that he will never reveal the names of the closeted gay players in the NFL, but that they do exist and he could out them if he wanted to. That probably isn’t supposed to sound threatening, though it surely is. Which just goes to show, you can be a pioneer and an asshole.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Michael Sam Done Done

By Matt March 25, 2015 @ 6:33 AM


Michael Sam bombed at the NFL Veteran’s Combine. This second go-round was probably his last chance to ever make a team which was half of the bargain when he decided to be the first openly gay or straight American athlete to ever insist his sexuality be a part of his conversation. Scouts, agents, General Managers and the homeless dude with a lanyard there for the free Gatorade had various negative comments:

“My real honest opinion is that he was flat out horrible. He did not belong out there… He thinks he’s a superstar. It would be nice if he could do something on the field to back up the attitude…The concern was that he didn’t look focused on the game. He regressed.” 

Let this be a lesson. Do your job first. If you want to butt fuck your boyfriend in the Mall of America while Oprah shouts encouragement, do it after you’re named Defensive Rookie of the Year or you win a Super Bowl. Ninety percent of the people who would’ve cared will no longer care. Securing reality TV deals before your first game means you care more about being gay than playing football, which again was half of the deal. Now you’re just another annoying dude from Dancing with the Stars. Take a seat next to Rumer Willis who probably knows better than to arm tackle during scouting sessions.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Michael Sam Pats Himself On The Ass

By Matt December 25, 2014 @ 6:56 AM


Michael Sam bragged about himself while promoting his 90 minute documentary which will air in place of his NFL career. It will be seen by several ladies destined to be consumed by their own cats on OWN instead of watched by millions on Sundays. Sam is like that obnoxious history professor who sings the praises of Henry IV in grandiose border line flamboyant tones, although he is doing it in regards to himself:

“Very few reached out to me and pretty much just told me their gratitude and how thankful they were that I had the courage. They wished that they had the courage to come out. (They) just showed their respect and admired my courage… It was very good.”

Sam says there are “a lot” of gay NFL players. He also says “very few” contacted him following his coming out. I feel there’s a discrepancy. Are these guy’s beaming a rainbow signal to him from the tops of buildings? Maybe he’s being presumptuous. Like when you start playing World of Warcraft  and tell your parents everyone is doing it. Turns out it might just be you and a few of your friends who will never produce children. There are definitely some gay guys in the NFL. Their closet status might have less to do with fear of coming out, but more they are busy working their asses off to remain in the NFL instead of sucking their boyfriend’s tonsils in front of the flash bulbs. Once you retire it’s Palm Springs and Speedos and suck my gay Super Bowl winning dick. Until then, unlike Sam, they have a job to do.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Michael Sam Seems to Be Stewing (VIDEO)

By Matt December 04, 2014 @ 6:33 AM

In a stunningly boring and dismissive interview, Michael Sam implied he is not on an NFL team because he is gay. When asked by an interviewer from TMZ Sports who doesn’t seem to know anything about sports if coming out had anything to do with his not making it on an NFL team this year, Sam responded:

“I think I was the SEC Defensive Player of the Year last year … so I don’t think it had to do with talent.”

It is true that just about every other SEC Defensive Player of the Year is having a pretty solid NFL career, most of them All-Pro. There is a chance Sam has been excluded because he’s openly gay. I hope for the sake of social progress that teams just hated him on an Equal Opportunity Basis because he’s pretty irritating.

Sam seemed to care more about making a statement off the field than playing football, where he got his ass handed to him by the Rams and then the Cowboys second string. Perhaps it was those long nights giving phone interviews to Kathy Griffin or taping for Oprah instead of studying the playbook and drinking GNC cocktails. I’d like to believe that only talent matters and things like being gay or maybe beating your wife or killing dogs or covering up murders should be considered completely extraneous to your job on the field. Maybe I’m a dreamer.

Michael Sam Is On His Ass And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 21, 2014 @ 12:00 PM


Michael Sam was benched from the Cowboys practice squad and people are already saying that it’s because he went after hairy man dong in the locker room. Which is silly because he has a full time boyfriend, so he’s just thinking about hairy man dong.

Read all about Michael Sam’s sob story. (TMZ)

Maitland Ward might as well be naked in this dress. (Huffington Post)

Unpronounceable hottie Bregje Heinen is highly fappable. (Drunken Stepfather)

Shana McLaughlin has the biggest tits I’ve seen in a long while. (Hollywood Tuna)

Cora Skinner dons lingerie and I don a chub. (Popoholic)

Douchenozzle Matthew McConaughey gives his much needed opinion on the Redskins’ name. (The Superficial)

Oscar De La Renta is Oscar De La Muerto. (Dlisted)