Michael Vick Is Jilted

By Matt August 29, 2014 @ 8:11 AM


Michael Vick is pissed that teammate Riley Cooper did not text him back after Vick texted to congratulate him on his new contract. Vick is a rare breed who holds the emotional vulnerability of a schoolgirl with the ability to kill furry dogs without blinking. Vick is claiming almost sole responsibility for Cooper’s success last year because he stuck up for him after Cooper was videotaped dropping some fairly heinous N-Bombs at a Kenny Chesney concert:

“I stood in front of the team, I stood in front of the cameras and defused that whole situation. We had guys talking about knocking him out, taking his head off, doing X, Y and Z to him on the field, and none of that happened, out of respect for myself, I think…Unfortunately, it was going to derail Riley’s career. It would have ended his career.”

No doubt Cooper’s black teammates were deeply offended by his shit poor judgement and whatever bad thoughts his pappy put inside of his head. But whether Vick’s teammates respect his word as gospel or simply find it easier to nod in agreement when a canine murdering psychopath is talking we will never know. I normally would say Cooper could ignore all the Michael Vick texts he wanted, but given just how many N-bombs he dropped, he should probably consider treating any and all black people who text him like crazy girlfriends and send back smiley faces and LUVS!!! within three to five minutes.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

Michael Vick Paid $111,000 For An Image Rehabilitation Service

By Travis August 16, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

According to the court documents from his bankruptcy filing in 2008, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick (above with his wife at a January charity event) paid $111,317 to Sitrick & Company to help him perform a complete image makeover so we’d all forget that he’s a complete dickhead who oversaw a dogfighting ring for years. Among the plans that the company had for him, TMZ writes, was to have him appear on star-friendly shows like Today, 60 Minutes and Larry King Live, while also getting him on the pages of fluffer mags like People and Newsweek.

Some people would argue that the program worked, as Mike is still making top dollar (before 66% of it is taken for his creditors) and most people have forgotten that he and his friends brutally killed dogs, but I’d argue that he could have saved the cash, still played for a team owned by a scumbag only concerned with winning and then just waited for the next dozen or so players to fuck up. Hell, he should send Aaron Hernandez a few grand just because.

(Photo Credit: Hugh Dillon/WENN.com)

morning headlines

By brendon October 08, 2009 @ 12:26 PM


MICHAEL VICK – will have a reality show on BET to chronicle his life since being released from prison. It will be “serious and somber” and “revisit the Virginia property where he ran and financed a dogfighting ring.” This show sounds fun. I like shows where, after they’re over, I sit in my bath tub hugging my knees and crying. (la times)

DINA LOHAN – has a new line of shoes, called Shoe-Han. “Lo” and “shoe” don’t rhyme of course, but when you have a name people associate with drunken whores and hastily thrown together money grabs, you’d be wise to mention it on your product. (page six)

TINA FEY – will bring back her Salin Palin impression now that Palin has written a book, giving Fey all new material to not be funny with. (ny daily news)

SOPHIE READE – won Big Brother 10 in the UK, and yesterday hosted the opening of a new Ann Summers store. I don’t know what this is, but considering she’s in a bra strong enough to contain her massive tits, I assume Anne Summers is some kind of weapons grade lingerie store. (21 more here. hq jump here. source = getty and wenn)


By brendon September 05, 2007 @ 10:25 AM

Yesterday on "The View", Whoopi Goldberg defended Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick, who pleaded guilty two weeks ago for his role in the fighting and execution of eight dogs.  Rueters says:

"He's from the South, from the Deep South … This is part of his cultural upbringing,"
"For a lot of people, dogs are sport," Goldberg said on the show. "Instead of just saying (Vick) is a beast and he's a monster, this is a kid who comes from a culture where this is not questioned."

Whoopi really might wanna rethink her "well they've done it in the deep south for years so it's cool" position.  Uhh, they used to hang black people in the deep south too.  What are your feelings on that, Whoopi?  Is that cool too?  Jesus, is there anything left on earth where everyone will say, wow, yeah, that's wrong.  Does everyone have to argue everything.  Or is life just some Japanese game show where we're all standing on logs over a river and smacking each with big foam bats all the dame time.  This guy's an animal.  Fuck him.

(by the way, Mike Vick is from Newport News, Virgina, which is about about 2 hours from Washington DC.  since when is that considered the "deep south"?) 


By brendon August 24, 2007 @ 2:53 PM

In a surprise move, Michael Vick agreed to plead guilty today to chargers of running a dog fighting ring.  His plea was not expected until Monday.  The Smoking Gun says:

Vick has agreed to plead guilty to a felony charge for his role in the management of a brutal dogfighting ring. As part of a plea deal, the Atlanta Falcons quarterback admitted that his Bad Newz Kennels operation wagered money–which he provided–in pit bull fights. However, "Vick did not gamble by placing side bets on any of the fights," according to a "summary of the facts" that was filed today in court. That document notes that Vick "was aware" that three of his cohorts killed several dogs that performed poorly in test fighting sessions in mid-2002. The summary reports that "Vick did not kill any dogs at this time." Earlier this year, Vick, and two cronies "agreed to the killing of approximately 6-8 dogs" that fared poorly in testing sessions. Some of the animals were drowned or hanged, and Vick "stipulated" that the animals died via the "collected efforts" of himself (and two others).

I guess I'm not smart enough to know the difference between providing money to go gamble and gambling.  Illegal gambling makes him eligible for a lifetime ban from the NFL, so hopefully no one else can tell the difference either.  The only field I wanna see this dude on begins with the word "mine".


By brendon August 24, 2007 @ 12:40 PM

Access Hollywood asked perpetual jackass Jamie Foxx about Michael Vick's dog fighting charges, and, as always, he never fails to disappoint.

"It's a cultural thing, I think," Jamie said. "Most brothers didn't know that, you know. I used to see dogs fighting in the neighborhood all the time. I didn't know that was Fed time. So, Mike probably just didn't read his handbook on what not to do as a black star."  While he has a way of lightening even the most sensitive of subjects, Jamie is sincere in his belief that the quarterback is not being given a fair shake.
"I know that cruelty to animals is bad, but sometimes people shoot people and kill people and don't get time," Jamie continued. "I think in this situation, he really didn't know the extent of it, so I always give him the benefit of the doubt."

A-HA!  Just as I suspected!  You see, it turns out the real victim here is Michael Vick.  Because he didn't even know executing dogs was bad.  That's why he held the fights on his front lawn in broad daylight.  Oh, wait, no, he didn't.  He held the fights at night, in barns in the woods painted pitch black with no windows or outdoor lights.  There's nothing suspicious about that.  Like just the other day I was digging some graves in my back yard at 4 in the morning.  Next thing you know some cops gotta be all up in my face.  Apparently fresh dig marks really freak cops out.  What is this, Russia?