Michelle Lewin in A Bikini

Is it acceptable that fitness trainers have so many contrived body parts? I consider it the height of the craft. Since when did we start labeling certain sciences as more decent than any others. The science of nutrition, the science of body building, and the science of injecting shit into your tits and ass and cleaving a rib or three from your thorax are all under the same umbrella of fuckability studies. You're not...read more

Michelle Lewin's Thong Is A Thing Of Beauty And Shit Around The Web

Michelle Lewin may not be entirely made of human flesh, but whoever built her did one amazing job. Nobody bitches about a Ferrari being built in factory. Shut the fuck up and imagine she's your girlfriend. Michelle Lewin has an ass built for power. (Egotastic) Camille Kostek's Instagram is a litany of hotness. (TMZ) Kardashian butt dingleberry Jonathan Chaban goes after STI petrie dish Amber Rose. (Huffington Post)...read more

Michelle Lewin in a Bikini Top

The way they back this chick out of the Knight Rider big rig each weekend looking like she does is nothing short of technology remarkable. If I had one of these I'd dress her exactly like this and set her to auto-pilot and pretend she was my girlfriend. Roll forward, left, right, half smile when I tell the guys at work how we spent all weekend in bed. Now, blast through the back of that Arby's and get me a brisket...read more

Michelle Lewin in A Thong

I don't care how many unattended kids suffocate under the rafts, I'd like to see twenty of these Venezuelan chicks with sub-muscular implants floating around my apartment community pool. It's perish in Caracas or come and tilt your thong toward the American sun and wait for news that Obama has granted immunity to your six unemployed uncles. Life becomes much simpler when everybody in the world wants to nail you. Photo...read more

Michelle Lewin in a Thong

Like many other idiots, each Thanksgiving I feel compelled to visit relatives who live in as cold a fucking place as can support some level of human life. The ice age didn't just sweep over our tropical environs while we were sleeping on a Tuesday night. It took eons. You've had fucking eons to move south, moron relatives. The birds figured it out. Then Jews from New York. It's time for my inbred lot to caravan south...read more

Michelle Lewin in A Bikini

These international models slash fitness instructors slash dating nightclub owners with unnervingly bushy eyebrows girls are like walking works of art. Just look at this chick. What can't plastic surgery, lax customs laws, and six hours a day in the gym buy you to decorate your beach? If you can program her not to scream on the phone in Spanish during the game, I might just marry her. Photo Credit: Splashread more

Michelle Lewin In A Thong Bikini

Forget what I said about that last girl, I want this girl. Big fake tits and ass muscles that could Jaws of Life crash victims right out of crumpled cars. I need a girl who will tell me what to do, who my friends are, and threaten me with the Frigidaire side by side high over her head if I talk back. People mock being a bitch, but it's a simple life. If you spend just ten minutes a day making decisions, that's sixty...read more

Michelle Lewin In A Thong Bikini

Michelle Lewin keeps her taint positioned eternally toward Orion's Belt, with Orion being the Latino pimp who smuggled her out of Venezuela and taught her how to spit polish her bare ass for the gringos. Everything Michelle does, from checking her text messages to giggling at Sabado Gigante like no American could, she does with her ass tilted up toward the heavens. I'd complain, but it's fucking amazing. Photo Credit:...read more

Michelle Lewin In a Thong

The Islamic Fundamentalists and my mom may not agree with women shaking their bare asses in public, but who actually believes that a higher power would invent such an ass only to demand that it be covered. Reconcile your good books with basic truths. To create something magnificent only to withhold it from others, that's the devil's work. So, I ask you, who is the more pious? The burqa beaters or the Venezuelan...read more

Michelle Lewin Has a Powerful Thong

There's a fine line between a woman with a toned body and a woman with enough muscle to kick your ass when you ask her if her competitively slutty sister can come stay with you when she's next out of rehab. Michelle Lewin is right on that fine line. I'm not scared of strong women, I'm frightened to death of strong women. Her tits alone look like they could twist my arm behind my back and make me say Uncle. She can...read more

Michelle Lewin Has a Nice Ass

I heard a guy say he saw a girl with an ass so tight she could crack a walnut between her cheeks. Even having witnessed a girl deal a hand of poker from a deck in her vagina, I think the walnut business may be more of a metaphor than an actual crushing force scientific fact. Thankfully, Miami law requires girls like Michelle Lewin to workout in tight clothes in public so we can even have these kinds of debates in the...read more

Michelle Lewin Has One Swell Behind

I feel like this Venezuelan fitness instructor would make a good wife. Especially if you were wagoning out to settle the West. She's strong and firm and has a solid breeding ass. I don't know what a breeding ass is really, but I'd have to believe that hers falls into the solid category. That might seem objectifying, but I think it's truly a compliment for a woman working out her ass in a public space in tight shorts...read more

Michelle Lewin Has Muscles Everywhere

I know how much I hate it when photographers ask if they can take my picture during my eighteen minute workouts. One time I appeared on the cover of Fat Fuck magazine without so much as request for my consent. But I'm guessing this chick Michelle Lewin from Venezuela minds a little less.You don't start pulling down the shorts for the paparazzi in Miami unless you know you've done a crunch or two.I know Obama's busy...read more

Michelle Lewin Is Famous for Her Ass

Being famous for your ass might seem a minor dignity, but compare it to being famous for being dead, a drug addict, or looking like the ghost of Roy Rogers and you'll realize that Michelle Lewin has a better reason to be famous than anybody else on this site today. She has 650,000 followers on Instagramnow because of her tight cakes. Like all Internet and social media outlets, Instagram began as a means for teen girls...read more