Michelle Lewin in A Bikini

By Lex October 02, 2014 @ 10:40 AM

Michelle Lewin Wears A Bikini In Miami Beach
These international models slash fitness instructors slash dating nightclub owners with unnervingly bushy eyebrows girls are like walking works of art. Just look at this chick. What can’t plastic surgery, lax customs laws, and six hours a day in the gym buy you to decorate your beach? If you can program her not to scream on the phone in Spanish during the game, I might just marry her.

Photo Credit: Splash

Michelle Lewin In A Thong Bikini

By Lex August 07, 2014 @ 12:58 PM

Michelle Lewin Relaxes Poolside In A Thong Bikini In Miami
Forget what I said about that last girl, I want this girl. Big fake tits and ass muscles that could Jaws of Life crash victims right out of crumpled cars. I need a girl who will tell me what to do, who my friends are, and threaten me with the Frigidaire side by side high over her head if I talk back. People mock being a bitch, but it’s a simple life. If you spend just ten minutes a day making decisions, that’s sixty hours a year you just saved by having somebody else make them for you. That’s a lot of time you could be dusting and killing it at Candy Crush.

Photo Credit: Splash

Michelle Lewin In A Thong Bikini

By Lex July 25, 2014 @ 11:42 AM

Michelle Lewin In A Thong Bikini At The Beach In Miami
Michelle Lewin keeps her taint positioned eternally toward Orion’s Belt, with Orion being the Latino pimp who smuggled her out of Venezuela and taught her how to spit polish her bare ass for the gringos. Everything Michelle does, from checking her text messages to giggling at Sabado Gigante like no American could, she does with her ass tilted up toward the heavens. I’d complain, but it’s fucking amazing.

Photo Credit: Splash

Michelle Lewin In a Thong

By Lex May 21, 2014 @ 3:09 PM

Michelle Lewin Goes For A Swim In A Thong Bikini In Miami
The Islamic Fundamentalists and my mom may not agree with women shaking their bare asses in public, but who actually believes that a higher power would invent such an ass only to demand that it be covered. Reconcile your good books with basic truths. To create something magnificent only to withhold it from others, that’s the devil’s work. So, I ask you, who is the more pious? The burqa beaters or the Venezuelan fitness model with the wet ass? Fuck you, Al Qaeda. And mom, just a little bit.

Photo Credit: Splash

Michelle Lewin Has a Powerful Thong

By Lex May 08, 2014 @ 3:53 PM

Michelle Lewin Relaxes In A Thong Bikini Poolside In Miami
There’s a fine line between a woman with a toned body and a woman with enough muscle to kick your ass when you ask her if her competitively slutty sister can come stay with you when she’s next out of rehab. Michelle Lewin is right on that fine line. I’m not scared of strong women, I’m frightened to death of strong women. Her tits alone look like they could twist my arm behind my back and make me say Uncle. She can probably crack a walnut between her vulva. I’d probably pay to see it. But the whole sculpted package makes me nervous. A BBW with respiratory issues isn’t going to give you that kind of angst.

Photo Credit: Splash

Michelle Lewin Has a Nice Ass

By Lex April 03, 2014 @ 1:53 PM

Michelle Lewin Shows Off Her Booty In Tights In Miami
I heard a guy say he saw a girl with an ass so tight she could crack a walnut between her cheeks. Even having witnessed a girl deal a hand of poker from a deck in her vagina, I think the walnut business may be more of a metaphor than an actual crushing force scientific fact. Thankfully, Miami law requires girls like Michelle Lewin to workout in tight clothes in public so we can even have these kinds of debates in the first place. It’s a slightly better ¬†ordinance than the one in San Francisco requiring fat men to sit naked on bus benches. Word to the wise, don’t lick the bus benches in San Francisco.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News