Michelle Rodriguez Makes Lesbianism Glisten

By Lex April 01, 2014 @ 3:24 PM

Michelle Rodriguez Makes Out With A Topless Cara Delevigne At The Beach In Cancun
As much as I hooted and applauded when angry Ellen Page pulled off her dyke glasses to announce she was a lesbian, and as excited as I am by Sara Gilbert’s latest ocean-overlooking lesbian wedding, nothing makes me feel more progressive and politically gay correct than supporting chicks making out on the beach in Cancun. If it’s Michelle Rodriguez and her topless little British supermodel piece of conquest cheese, all the better. Michelle didn’t need to make a big speech or cry or have everybody validate her forbidden love. She just went and got some. And that’s the way it should be. Love should know no boundaries nor be defined by petty writs of law. If you can finger it, you can love it. Take that, GLAAD. My inclusionary motto just fucked your motto and made it its bitch.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Splash

Cara Delevingne And Michelle Rodriguez Are Making Things Happen

By Travis March 07, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Recently-announced lovers Cara Delevingne and Michelle Rodriguez are still going strong, as they both attended a meeting with Cara’s management team yesterday in London. While the nature of their meeting wasn’t revealed, it was probably something about how they shouldn’t give the lesbian makeout sessions away for free in public when they can make the public love them more with some subtle teasing and light, over-the-clothes petting. Otherwise, it doesn’t make sense why they were acting all shy and reserved when they pulled up to Cara’s house, after we already watch them spend two quarters of a Knicks game cleaning each other tongues off. Unless they were sober, of course, because that will make even the horniest lesbians boring as hell.

Photo Credits: Will Alexander/WENN.com

Michelle Rodriguez Close to Solving Thailand’s Civil Strife

By Lex February 26, 2014 @ 3:19 PM

Michelle Rodriguez Meditates In The Nude In Thailand
I don’t care if you’re Gary Glitter or Michelle Rodriguez, when you’ve had your fill of young British girls, it’s time to head to Thailand to get your head on straight. Gary only took his clothes off when well ensconced inside the pedo-brothels, while Michelle called upon Shavazi, the ancient God of vagina biting, by stripping naked and facing the Gulf of Thailand with an open heart. I’ll say this for Michelle’s spirituality, it has a nice pear-shaped ass.

Photo Credit: Michelle Rodriguez/Instagram

Michelle Rodriguez and Cara Delevingne Are Officially Lezzing Out

By Jack February 18, 2014 @ 1:19 PM

Michelle Rodriguez is officially slamming clams with model Cara Delevinge. The two have been spotted around town on what looked like dates but with girls, you never know if they’re BFFs or finger banging the stink out of each other nightly. Michelle came out as bisexual last year, which translates basically to, I like dudes, but if a young chick supermodel is willing to chomp my box, hell yeah.

“It’s going really well. She’s so cool. When we started hanging out I just thought she was awesome, and we have the best time together. She’s hard though. You wouldn’t want to mess with her in a fight. Cara’s at her own fashion week party tonight, so doing her own thing.”

It’s hard not to give Michelle Rodriguez some manly high-fives for snagging a 21-year old hot fashion model. If Michelle convinced that young chick that all men are just like the skeevy dudes in the modeling industry who’ve been trying to rape her since 12, all the power to Michelle. It’s a strong psychological play. A women with master cocksman type powers is a dangerous weapon. There’s no point in making fun of Michelle Rodriguez at this point because it would merely be jealousy.

Fighting AIDS Has Never Been Sexier

By Travis February 06, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

Whoever is in charge of organizing the guest list for the annual amfAR Gala has the best and easiest job in the world, because the lead-in to Fashion Week guarantees that just about any Victoria’s Secret or Sports Illustrated model that matters will show up. In turn, old rich guys are bound to spend tons of money for the best seats in the house, all in the name of AIDS research, but with the actual intention of sitting so close to the models, they can smell the color of their underwear. Last night’s cattle call of models included Karolina Kurkova, Behati Prinsloo, Karlie Kloss, Alyssa Miller, Erin Heatherton, Lindsay Ellingson, Lily Aldridge and more. Naturally, Michelle Rodriguez also showed up because she probably heard there was an open bar and thought, “One hand for my beer and five fingers for the ladies.”

Photo Credits: C. Smith/WENN.com

Cara Delevingne And Michelle Rodriguez Make Knicks Game Watchable

By Lex January 08, 2014 @ 4:52 PM

Cara Delevingne And Michelle Rodriguez Get Drunk And Kiss At A Knicks Game In New York
The Knicks finally found a way to make Carmelo Anthony give a shit about something. Putting chicks courtside getting drunk and making out. Michelle Rodriguez came out as bisexual a couple months ago because she had nothing else to say during an interview so she mentioned enjoying snatch from time to time. Better than bullshit talk about ‘the craft’ of acting for sure. She and that British model with the creepy eyebrows got lit at the Knicks game and started pawing each other something fierce. Based on the results of a post-game poll, the Knicks are going to stop paying basketball for the rest of the season, converting remaining home games to Jumbotron shots of Michelle Rodriguez feeling up the titties of young models. Don’t tell me that’s not a major improvement.

Photo Credit: Getty