Fresh off face kicking Corky to the mat to take the UFC title, Holly Holm has a new movie coming out. Fight Valley. It’s about bare knuckle brawling chicks who get super bloody, make-out, then cry about children and relationships because even butch dykes can’t escape Satan’s hormones. Movies with title songs that actually have the name of the movie as their chorus are guaranteed horrible. The exception being James Bond films, although half of those are horrible too. Fight Valley might suck but it preaches the tried and true values of loyalty, commitment, and revenge killings. When does this come out and how do I take my disenfranchised nieces to see it to be inspired by strong women. Carly Fiorina and Hillary Clinton are just mouthy caricatures. Real women cry blood.
UFC fighter Miesha Tate posted a photo of her ass to Instagram most likely out of boredom or insecurity or possibly a keen flare for self promotion. Don’t get your hopes up she’s banging a cauliflower eared psycho named Mike Caraway. The type of guy who breaks pool cues over your back in a roadhouse. Tate also saved his mom’s life on a snorkeling trip as you would imagine. When they get down to banging hotel rooms get destroyed and towel racks get broken. She twice lost an eye. I’d definitely let her put me in a figure four leg lock and tap out with my balls. Squats are good for you. Getting punched in the face not so much. Still, that ass. Put on these cuffs and don’t turn around. Yes I believe in romance.
Photo Credit: Instagram
Miesha Tate has the same problem I had coming up, for all my awesomeness, there was this one girl who always had my number. Miesha has Ronda Rousey. I had Tara, the exaggeratedly overdeveloped grade school brute. I liked to think Tara had it out for me because she secretly dug me. Until one day she had my arm cranked up behind my back and told me not to think she was hurting me because she secretly dug me, she just hated how I reminded her of a wounded bird. She was pretty fucking psychologically advanced with her tormenting for a ten year old. I heard she went on to work as a United Flight attendant, a beacon career path for women with long standing rage issues. Miesha, you and I get each other. We should hang out. You could choke me out while I pleasure myself and then we can have some of those delicious looking cupcakes. I understand women.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
Photo Credit: Fitness Gurls Magazine