Pregnant Mila Kunis Hid The Douchebaby Bump Well At The MTV Movie Awards

By Travis April 14, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Mila Kunis was one of the big celebrities that agreed to show up to last night’s MTV Movie Awards event in exchange for a fake gold bucket of popcorn, and of course people can’t stop talking about how great she looks for being pregnant. “Wow, look at how the celebrity with the team of handlers and makeup and wardrobe people at her side throughout the entire show absolutely glows,” they all say while pretending like she’s different from any other pregnant woman in California. Her nipples will become chaffed and stretched out just like the rest of the women, and she’ll have to work her ass off after she gives birth to lose the extra weight. The only difference will be that she’ll be walking around with the constant reminder of having had Ashton Kutcher making stupid faces on top of and probably behind her, and there’s not an exercise or class in the world that can help a girl recover from that.

Photo Credits: Getty

Mila Kunis Is Pregnant With A Douchebaby

By Travis March 24, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

If she was trying to hide the fact that she is pregnant, then Mila Kunis did a pretty terrible job. Ashton Kutcher’s future wife was reportedly spotted at a pre-natal yoga workout in Hollywood, and she obviously had the right reason for being there, unlike those of us who like to sit outside and watch through the window. According to E!, a source has confirmed that she is actually pregnant, which is sure to piss millions of guys off, even though they never had a shot in hell, because they’re not a male model turned actor, who might make some of the worst fucking movies ever made, but he’s still insanely wealthy and also thinks he’s a tech genius because he invested in some startups. One day, Ashton is going to write a book about his life, and it’s just going to be a few hundred pages of photos of him laughing at us all while wiping his ass with thousand dollar bills. He could title it “Smell My Finger.”

Photo Credit: Getty

Ashton Kutcher And Mila Kunis Are Engaged

By Travis February 28, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Confirming what everyone has known for what feels like years, or at least since he dumped his grandmother’s bridge partner, Ashton Kutcher has reportedly finally put an engagement ring on Mila Kunis’ finger. The co-stars of That 70s Show have been very visibly dating for the last year or so, but they’ve been waiting and waiting to make it official, probably so Ashton can think of the proper way to tell every man on the planet to go fuck themselves. Sure, he already told everyone to go fuck themselves when he made the offensively terrible Jobs last year, but this time he just wants to focus solely on the men, so he really hammers home the point that he has made a career out an idiot’s grin and trucker hats.

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Mila Kunis Is A Danger To Everyone

By Travis January 24, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

Mila Kunis went shopping in West Hollywood yesterday, but more importantly she showed what little regard she has for even the simplest laws. When she finally emerged from the store, she discovered that she had received a parking ticket, probably for parking her car on top of a handicapped child, and I’m probably over-exaggerating everything because Ashton Kutcher is a pretty big bag-o-douche. Meanwhile, I’m never the type to make up news and rumors for the sake of it, but Mila looks pregnant in a few of these pictures, so I’m just going to assume that she’s pregnant now. Again, I have no proof that she’s pregnant or even considering having a baby with Ashton, but the camera angle makes her look pregnant, so let’s just say she’s pregnant for fun.

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Ashton Kutcher And Mila Kunis Might Be Engaged

By Travis November 06, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Now that his divorce from Demi Moore is almost complete, and the 50-year old actress is done actually taking part of his large fortune thanks to no pre-nup, Ashton Kutcher is free to take his relationship with Mila Kunis to the next level. Despite reports that Ashton and Mila were already secretly engaged, the Daily Mail claims that Ashton is now set to propose and make an honest woman out of his former That 70s Show star. And if his proposal will be anything like his acting career, it will be shallow, obnoxious, emotionless and totally void of any passion, reality and honesty. So best of luck to Ashton and Mila on this practice effort for their next marriages.

Photo Credit: TNYF/

Mila Kunis Looks Good in Canada

By Lex September 10, 2013 @ 5:01 PM

Mila Kunis Wears A Low Cut Dress To The "Third Person" Premiere At The Toronto International Film Festival

The Toronto International Film Festival has become pretty big over the years, despite the obvious handicap of being set in Toronto. If they held the TIFF in Aspen or Venice or Cannes, it’d be even bigger. But even given the limitations of being Canadian, it does pretty well for itself. Like hockey or pudgy girls who go all the way on first dates.

Here’s Mila Kunis in Toronto.  I’d let her be my girlfriend if she promised to never to tell sex with McCauley Caulkin stories.

Photo Credit: Getty,, FameFlynet