Miley Cyrus Steps Out In Short Shorts In Miami

By Lex December 18, 2013 @ 11:50 AM

Miley Cyrus Steps Out In Short Shorts In Miami

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Miley Cyrus Protests Anti-Topless Laws by Self-Censoring Her Titties

By Lex December 16, 2013 @ 5:08 PM

Miley Cyrus joined the epic battle for the right of angry feminist women to go topless in public just like men who love seeing their own nipples in store reflections do. We know how that hot button issue divides this nation between the people who don’t know about it to the people who don’t give a shit about it. And then the small sub-section of guys who stupidly believe good looking women are suddenly going to be walking around the city topless. Miley put in her two cents by flashing her bare boy chest on Twitter. She thanked New York for their ruling that women are allowed to be topless in public provided they’ve previously blogged about how clumsy and horrible the guy was who took their virginity. Miley had her little bumps censored with Christmas hearts just to reinforce the fact that she doesn’t understand irony.

To further her feminist credentials, Miley went on stage at Madison Square Garden to spank a girl midget and let a naughty Santa grind her ass for cash.

Photo Credit: Getty

Miley Cyrus Doesn’t Think She’ll Be Asked To Do VMAs Again

By Jack December 13, 2013 @ 4:21 PM

America’s collective genital wart, Miley Cyrus, is pretty sure MTV won’t ask her back to perform at the VMAs again. As you will no doubt recall, Miley took dirty dancing for the teens to a whole new level when she twerked all over Robin Thicke’s Beetlejuice suit at the Video Music Awards earlier this year. MTV caught a lot of flack for letting her prance around like a slut on molly. With that in mind she says,

“It kind of just opened so many doors for me to be like, alright, I already pissed you off as much as I possibly can. So, now I can kind of just be freer and kind of do whatever it is that we want to do…I doubt they’re ever gonna ask me back.”

Bullshit. MTV will most definitely have her back. People tuned in to watch the show to see her antics and went back to watch the million repeats of the broadcast just to see her performance. MTV runs reality shows where cast members die or become incarcerated with habitual drug habits. You think they can’t handle blowback from dry humping on stage? Not only will MTV have her back, they’ll encourage her to up the ante. I wouldn’t be surprised if Miley homages the Tijuana donkey show on next year’s broadcast. The real trick will be to find a willing burro.

Miley’s Vagina Ruined Christmas in Atlanta, Too

By Travis December 12, 2013 @ 12:00 PM

The Jingle Ball concert moved along to Atlanta last night, where Miley Cyrus once again headlined with her twerking little people, a drunken pervert Santa and a whole team of backup dancers and musicians who looked like they would have rather been in Syria. But unlike the show in Minnesota, this one seemed to be focused more on Miley’s camel toe, because the best way to say, “Merry Christmas!” to your fans is by thrusting your sweaty cooch in their faces. By the time this show hits Tampa next week, I wouldn’t be surprised if Miley takes a dump on a backup dancer’s chest and says she’s just delivering a lump of coal to the naughty girls.

Photo Credits: Getty

Miley Cyrus Ruined Santa for Minnesota

By Travis December 11, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Miley Cyrus and her oddly-shaped hips headlined the Jingle Ball in St. Paul, Minnesota last night, and it was the same old stupid gimmicks for Hannah Montana’s barely-covered vagina, except this time she did it all in the name of Christmas cheer. Miley once again trotted out her little people dancers so she could slap their asses while thinking, “Haha, midgets are hilarious!” and her other dancers looked like they would have rather been choking to death on Rudolph’s dick. But the truly edgy behavior came when Miley rubbed her ass all over a guy dressed as Santa Claus, who looked like he was just released on parole and had a cool $40 to spend on a hummer.

Photo Credits: Getty

Miley Cyrus Performs the Nutcracker

By Lex December 09, 2013 @ 2:54 PM

Miley Cyrus Twerks With Santa Onstage At The Staples Center
What the hell do you tell your kids? Santa isn’t real or he is real and he’s dry humping that painted platypus you love so much onstage. Miley Cyrus spent her stage time at iHeart Jingle Balls thing dirty dancing with her cranky midget in between grinding her ass on St. Nick’s skinny. The whole Boschian menagerie designed to divert attention from the fact that Miley spent her last genie wish on getting her her mom and Bret Michaels together for a reunion fuck rather than a decent singing voice for herself. That’s selfless enough to get Miley onto Santa’s nice list this year, as if taking Kringle splooge on the backside of her elf costume wasn’t enough. Go explain that to your kids.

Photo Credit: Getty, Splash