Brandi Cyrus Wants To Be Famous Now, Too

By Travis November 26, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Now that Miley Cyrus has made it big and is flapping her nonexistent ass cheeks all over the stage with D-list rappers, the Cyrus family is trying to elevate 26-year old Brandi Cyrus to fame, because if there’s a dollar to be made, Billy Ray and Trish will take it. Brandi was also at the American Music Awards on Sunday night, interviewing celebrities on the red carpet, but she absolutely dazzled on her own as people took pictures of her and asked, “Who the fuck is this girl?” while others responded, “No clue, I’m just making sure my camera works.”

Photo Credits: Getty

Miley Cyrus Named One Of The Least Influential Celebrities Of 2013

By Jack November 25, 2013 @ 4:47 PM

Miley joined Dennis Rodman on GQ’s list of the least influential celebrities of 2013. The magazine, known for gripping exposes of the best moisturizer for men and ads for haute couture For Him clothing, released its list of the least influential dickheads in its latest issue. Rodman topped the list for his bromance with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. But it was the inclusion of Miley that has people talking. GQ says that Miley is,

“Basically trying every inane strategy she could think of to rile up America’s few remaining pearl clutchers. What’s sad is that it totally worked.”

So, then, she is influential? I don’t really understand this list. I suppose it’s just a chance to call out a bunch of people who are mostly annoying tools. But  least influential? Miley Cyrus has millions of fans who are warped enough to repeat the mantra that she has a beautiful singing voice. She’s encouraged untold sums of high school girls that shake their asses like a porn star if they want to be popular. If I was a high school boy, I’d be pretty fucking happy about this social phenomenon. Least influential? Meh. Looks like a duck fired from a cannon into the back of a semi truck? I’d put her on the list.

Miley Cyrus is Missing Something

By Travis November 20, 2013 @ 12:00 PM

At some point after last night’s Jaguar F-TYPE Coupe Launch Party in Playa Vista, California, newly-single model Miranda Kerr ran into Miley Cyrus, and the two let fashion photographer Mert Alas take a quick close-up picture of them. Normally, I’d wonder something truly important and intellectual like whether or not this is the company that Miranda is going to keep now that she and Orlando Bloom are divorcing, but where the fuck are Miley’s eyebrows? If this leads to millions of stupid girls across the world taking up the alopecia look as “fashion,” we’re really going to have to start considering and taking the idea of mass sterilization more seriously.

Photo Credit: Miranda Kerr/Instagram

This Is So Much Better, Miley Cyrus

By Travis November 15, 2013 @ 12:00 PM

Earlier this week, Miley Cyrus made half of the country spit out its coffee in disbelief when she told the BBC that she considers herself to be “one of the biggest feminists in the world.” Maybe that’s why she dressed so conservatively for the Bambi Awards in Berlin last night, as she showed up to perform “Wrecking Ball” while dressed sort of like an actual elegant female human being. In fact, her dress was almost perfect, and all it needed to be complete was someone pulling the long sleeves behind her back and setting them in place with 10-pound padlocks. Then maybe someone could have pushed her into the River Spree, but that might have ruined her hair.

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Miley Cyrus Tits Are Spray Painted for New Music Video

By Lex November 12, 2013 @ 4:27 PM

Miley Cyrus Is Covered In Glitter For Future's Music Video 'Real And True'
Miley Cyrus had about five minutes there when people weren’t talking about her being the bane of decent society so she took off her clothes for a rap video where her dulcet tones are featured. You can go look up the rapper Future’s music video Real & True yourself to see flashes of Miley Cyrus body painted in silver glitter. Now that I know my Internet search records are being monitored by the NSA, I’m not doing ‘Miley Cyrus tits in videos’ or ‘how to murder annoying neighbor children’ any longer on Google.

Miley Cyrus Also Smoked A Joint At The MTV Europe Music Awards (VIDEO)

By Travis November 11, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

After her performance at the MTV Video Music Awards, Miley Cyrus claimed that she made history because she wore a very revealing outfit while grinding on Robin Thicke’s crotch. So how did she follow that up at the MTV Europe Music Awards last night, aside from wearing a dress that honored Biggie and Tupac? She lit up a joint while accepting her award for Most Unoriginal “Shocking” Behavior, because the show took place in Amsterdam and what better way to tell people how edgy you are than by smoking pot in a city where people 10 feet away from you in any direction are guaranteed to have better drugs than you? Hopefully someone then offered her a needle and she’s currently passed out in a dumpster outside a whorehouse.

Photo Credit: Getty