Liam Hemsworth Dumps Maxim’s Hottest Woman in the World For This Ugly Chick

By Lex September 17, 2013 @ 3:11 PM

Eiza Gonzalez's Facebook Photos
I’m not exactly sure what Liam Hemsworth was thinking when he broke off his engagement to Miley Cyrus and started bumping uglies with Eliza Gonzalez. Miley Cyrus and her tongue and those teeth and that marmoset face and her tiny spastic boy body in exchange for this? I don’t know. What about the Twerking? You can’t just replace that.

Photo Credit: Eiza Gonzalez/Facebook

Elton John Is Waiting For A Miley Cyrus Meltdown

By Travis September 17, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

In a recent interview with The Australian, Elton John claimed that he can spot a car crash long before it happens, as he predicted singer Ryan Adams‘ shit storm and he didn’t think that Lindsay Lohan’s fall from grace was much of a surprise. Now, though, he’s putting his money on the obvious as he claimed, “I look at Miley Cyrus and I see a meltdown waiting to happen,” while pointing out that no one is going to stop her because she’s young and successful. But as soon as she turns 30 and can’t twerk like she used to, it’ll be like she slammed tongue first into a brick wall.

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Miley’s Twerking Ass Kicked Off The Vogue Cover

By Jack September 09, 2013 @ 4:40 PM

The rumors going around fashion week are that Miley Cyrus was going to be on the cover of the December issue of Vogue…until Anna Wintour saw her performance at the VMAs. It seems that Wintour, the Skeksis in drag that runs Vogue, was not amused with all the tongue lashing and ass shaking that went on. The “source” told the Daily Mail that,

“Anna found the whole thing distasteful .She decided, based on Miley’s performance, to take the cover in a different direction.”

The Vogue cover is a big deal for people who give a flying rats ass about that kind of thing and it would have gone a long way to legitimizing Miley as a real star. But does it really mean anything to the kinds of vapid pubescent sluts and gay dudes on poppers that listen to Miley Cyrus? I don’t actually know.

Miley Cyrus Naked on a Wrecking Ball

By Lex September 09, 2013 @ 2:59 PM

If you start getting into the deeper meaning of Miley Cyrus music, you could really get lost in the convoluted allegories and complex subtext. Like, in her last music video, Can’t Stop, Miley couldn’t stop partying with subjugated minorities. But what I think it really meant was fuck you, cheating dad who was never there for me. Now, in Wrecking Ball, Miley is naked and riding a wrecking ball, but I think what it really means is I’ve got my bare twat on a wrecking ball, fuck you again, dad.

Wrecking Ball Video After the Jump

Miley Cyrus Performed On German TV With A Twerking Little Person (VIDEO)

By Travis September 09, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

For as much shit as we give Miley Cyrus for being a massive douchebag, completely oblivious to the fact that the majority of us are laughing at her and her legion of mouth-breathing fans, her recent appearance on the German TV show Schlag den Raab was pretty awesome. Maxim’s “hottest” woman in the world performed her hit “We Can’t Stop” while a female little person or dwarf (or whatever is appropriate this week) danced and sort of twerked next to her, and Miley even slapped her ass for good measure. If anything, it was just great to see that Miley hasn’t forgotten all of her old carnie pals.

Miley Cyrus Is About To Make History Again

By Travis September 06, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Yesterday, Miley Cyrus Tweeted the above image for the album artwork of her new single, “Wrecking Ball,” which she’ll release on Monday. Just look at how hot she looks sitting like that on a giant black ball, which I’m sure is symbolism for a lot of what is happening in her life right now. You know that this song is going to be so amazing and life-altering, just like all of her other songs that are changing the way that we look at the world today, as well as the history of pop music.

Of course, that will be according to her, because the rest of us will know that it’s just another steaming pile of autotuned, tongue-wagging, twerking crap.