Sinead O’Connor Tells Miley Cyrus to Stop Being Such a Ho Bag

By Lex October 04, 2013 @ 3:49 PM

Sinead O'Connor Performs Live At The 2013 Bestival
People who write ‘Open Letters’ are almost entirely humorless dicks. What is an Open Letter but a self-serving excuse to grandstand your inflated sense of moral superiority. Case in point, Sinead O’Connor’s open letter to Miley Cyrus telling her to be less of a total skank in her music career:

“Nothing but harm will come in the long run, from allowing yourself to be exploited, and it is absolutely NOT in ANY way an empowerment of yourself or any other young women, for you to send across the message that you are to be valued (even by you) more for your sexual appeal than your obvious talent.”

I felt like the baldy unisex singer had something of a point there, until she mentioned Miley Cyrus’ obvious talents. Now I think this might just be an elaborate prank.

“The music business doesn’t give a shit about you, or any of us. They will prostitute you for all you are worth, and cleverly make you think it’s what YOU wanted… None of the men oggling you give a shit about you either, do not be fooled.”

Because, Miley, you and your parents from this place called Tennessee can’t possibly be smart enough to see through the music industry bullshit, even though you’ve already been a top star in the business for five times longer than I ever was. Jesus, Sinead (no offense), just because you’re old and Irish and bitchy doesn’t give you instant wisdom points. Miley and her management team know exactly what they’re doing. And, yeah, maybe someday Miley will regret all this untoward behavior on camera, but unlike the rest of us who look back on our slutty stupid years with some regret, she’ll have $200 million in the bank.

But, thanks for the open letter, you praying mantis looking fugly has-been.

Photo Credit: Getty, WENN

Hulk Hogan Makes Terrifying Commercial In A Thong

By Jack October 04, 2013 @ 1:06 PM

By now we’ve all seen Miley Cyrus’ construction equipment humping Wrecking Ball video. Well, in a new commercial for Hostamania, a web hosting site, Hulk Hogan rides a wrecking ball in a thong to the tune of his classic theme song Real American. Yes. That happened. This, alas, isn’t the first time we’ve seen the Hulkster’s ass. Remember his sex tape? Of course you do! There are certain things that you can’t unsee. The rest of the commercial doesn’t make a lot of sense. A guy is eating crayons and then another guy drops from the ceiling and steals and eats the first guys crayons and then Hulk Hogan beats him up. If Hostamania really wants to beat GoDaddy they might want to throw in some tits or hot chicks at least…not a 60-year-old leather purse-looking dude’s ass.

Miley Cyrus Strips For Terry Richardson

By Lex October 03, 2013 @ 6:37 PM

Miley Cyrus Strips For A Photoshoot With Terry Richardson

I want so badly to dislike this feverish looking platypus but it’s really no longer possible. I’ve never seen somebody with such a singularly obvious plan working so well. Hannah Montana has gone crazy. Hey, everybody look. That’s the entire fucking plan. And it’s working brilliantly. Cha-ching. Game over. Miley wins. Go write a letter about life is unfair and mail it to nobody.

Photo Credit: Terry Richardson

Miley Cyrus In The Video For ’23′

By Lex October 01, 2013 @ 4:36 PM

Miley Cyrus In Her Video For '23'
Miley Cyrus is just trying to ruin shit now. I used to think she was just a spastic chipmunk with scoliosis acting out against her parents divorce. Now I realize this ‘crazy sexy’ bit is running much deeper and far more insidious. First, she tanked Maxim magazine by letting them make more poor decisions. Then, she ruined furry cosplay sex by taking something beautiful and turning it into a Hieronymus Bosch rape scene from a mental ward. Finally, she stole Twerking from girls with big booties and handed it over to suburban white girls with flat asses. Now she’s out to drive a stake through the heart of the hot chick in a team jersey cliche. Who’s going to stop this destroyer of planets?

Miley Cyrus Grinds a Furry

By Lex September 25, 2013 @ 6:04 PM

Miley Cyrus Posts Twerking Photos To Twitter During Her Stay In Las Vegas
Here’s how Miley Cyrus decides what to do next. First, she imagines her presumed dead father just returned home after many years and killed her mom’s lover. Then she smokes salvia until the overture to Tommy stops playing over and over again in her brain. Wing-bang-boom, next thing you know, you’re grinding your spastic tom-boy vagina on a costumed bird in Vegas. It’s just a spin of the wheel really as to where Miley will land next.

Photo Credit: Miley Cyrus/Twitter

Miley Cyrus Strips Down In Rolling Stone

By Lex September 24, 2013 @ 12:51 PM

Miley Cyrus Strips Down In The October 2013 Issue Of Rolling Stone
Miley Cyrus knows how to commit. For her Rolling Stone interview she got the words ‘Rolling Stone’ tattooed onto the bottom of her feet. That’s so fucking punk. Then taking off her top and grabbing her own tit. I don’t know, more fucking punk. Anybody who thought Miley Cyrus was just a manufactured pop music star twerking lyrics to her brilliant music, wake the fuck up. This girl is breaking barriers. She’s also noticing some very unfair shit.

“It was a lot of ‘Miley twerks on Robin Thicke,’ but never, ‘Robin Thicke grinds up on Miley.’ They’re only talking about the one that bent over. So obviously there’s a double standard.” — Miley Cyrus to Rolling Stone.

She’s so right. Why does the one who gets bent over always suffer the consequences of cultural stigma, not to mention potential pregnancies? Miley doesn’t just have important things to say, she is asking all the right questions. She’s like a young Bob Dylan meets Wendy O’Williams meets Secretariat. I mean, if any of them got the names of magazines tattooed on their feet (or hooves). Already can’t wait for Women’s Wear Daily.

Photo Credit: Rolling Stone