Miley Cyrus Helps Justin Bieber Service Lil Twist

By Lex August 29, 2013 @ 4:29 PM

Justin Bieber is all about his craft. And being just the best friend ever. So when his rapping bestie Lil Twist decided he needed to share his magic  with the world too, Justin agreed to be featured on his new track. Not only that, but Justin called up Miley Cyrus and the three of the little musical tours de force got together in the Honeycomb Hideout and cranked out the ingeniously conceived ‘Twerk’. It’s what I imagine would have happened musically if Beethoven, Bach, and Mozart got together to pen a symphony. If Beethoven, Bach, and Mozart were spastic tone-deaf retards and eleven year old Austrian girls owned the phonograph market. I dare you to listen to this piece of shizen.

And if you’re a real glutton for punishment, here’s Miley in her promo pics for her new album ‘Bangerz. It’s called Bangerz because Miley is black and representing.

Photo Credit: Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus Kind Of Raps On 23 (VIDEO)

By Travis August 28, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

The reason that Miley Cyrus Tweeted that picture of her looking like a stripper at a 1993 NBA All-Star Game after party the other day was because she was dressed up for her part in filming the music video for Mike Will Made It’s “23,” which conveniently leaked online around the same time that Miley was prepping for her memorable MTV VMA performance. In the leaked sample of the track, we actually get to hear Miley rapping, as she name drops Naughty By Nature and references their 1993 hit “Hip Hop Hooray.”

So if you still don’t believe that this is a huge practical joke being played on white America by a bunch of rappers, then I don’t know what else to tell you.

Teddy Bear Companies Want Miley Cyrus To Stop Humping Teddy Bears

By Lex August 27, 2013 @ 4:10 PM

The people who want to sell you Teddy Bear Picnic and Teddy Bears for Valentine’s Day and Teddy Bears for your cute little daughters want Miley Cyrus to stop using teddy bear costumes and imagery in her raunchy music videos and stage performances. They also want nobody anywhere ever to acknowledge the fact that many young girls discover their sexuality with Mr. Higglesworth getting frisky in the dark. Plus, good luck with making Miley Cyrus stop anything. Don’t you listen to her music? She can’t stop. She won’t stop. She owns herself and some other shit I can’t remember from her song. Besides, her teddy bear pornographification isn’t even close yet to what Colombian model Natalia Paris does with hers in videos…

In case you can’t get enough Miley up close and personal, we had a fan send in cell phone pictures right from the front lines of Miley’s VMA performance. Kasey was so close, the intoxicating scent of vinyl and Cyrus labial conditioner was inescapable. Now that sounds fucking glorious.

Of Course Miley Cyrus Is Pleased With Herself

By Travis August 27, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

While everyone from Will and Jaden Smith to your 97-year old grandmother was making fun of Miley Cyrus’ ridiculously stupid and hilariously unsexy performance at the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday night, the singer was bragging about Rolling Stone praising her effort and posting pictures of her D-minus ass on Twitter yesterday. The above image had Miley wearing some sort of Michael Jordan tribute, and I assume that she’s squatting because she’s about to take a dump on a backup dancer’s chest.

Miley also boasted that more people Tweeted about her showing off her teenage boy body than about the Super Bowl, and that’s probably because the Super Bowl wasn’t turning half of the men in America gay.

Miley Cyrus Twerks With Robin Thicke Onstage At The VMAs (VIDEO)

By Lex August 26, 2013 @ 11:49 AM

I’m not sure what you call it when a retarded chick with massive white dental caps and nubby hair knots starts grinding on an older dude dressed like Beetlejuice, but where I come from, we call it highly watchable. Maxim’s may have tied their sinking ship to the flounder face of Miley Cyrus, I just want to see her simulate sex. I’ll pretty much watch any woman not heavier than ‘needing to lose a few’ grind their privates in public display. Everybody is worried about the harmful message Miley might be sending to her young teen female audience that empowerment comes through grinding your honeydew onto some dudes lap. But nobody is considering the half glass full perspective for high school boys everywhere. Twerking is going to be very very good to them.

Photo Credit: Splash, WENN

Selena Gomez Picked A Great Dress For The VMAs

By Travis August 26, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

A lot of semi- to kind-of-sort-of-famous men and women showed up to last night’s MTV Video Music Awards wearing the dumbest fucking outfits that you’ll probably ever see in your lives, and that includes Miley Cyrus, who dressed like a pre-teen boy from 1983 while sticking her tongue out because people are assholes and tell her that’s cool.

But none of them mattered after Selena Gomez showed up with one of her tits hanging out, and that was really a nice thing for her to do. Sure, it’s kind of creepy because she still looks like she’s 15, and she loses hot points because she keeps letting Justin Bieber stick it in her, but hey – a partial tit’s still a tit.

(Photo Credits: Ryan/Andres Otero/