By Lex November 20, 2015 @ 9:32 AM
I intend to be one of those parents who doesn’t give a shit what they’re kids are up to at any given moment. The odds that they end up being meth addicts or blowing up their schools is relatively low and the benefit of being super fucking lazy is immeasurable. Here’s your vegan granola, are you eighteen yet? You can complain once you get to college, they’ll listen.
I’d bet ninety-percent of parents whose little girls follow Miley Cyrus have no fucking clue what the Miley Cyrus shtick really is. Maybe they see an occasional headline about her dating somebody famous. They probably don’t know she’s stroking giant strapons and sucking on the tits of the freaks she carts around from show to show. This is the kind of performance creepy men used to peek in on for a nickel at the carnival before TV was invented. There’s nothing wrong with Miley Cyrus. She’s 22 and making a boatload of cash from her act. There’s something wrong with you parents. What do you mean my kids were there too? Fuck it, nobody’s going to die from it. Settle down.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex November 13, 2015 @ 11:20 AM
Is it too much to call Miley Cyrus the Rosa Parks of marmoset faced sexuality? It’s hard not to find some level of admiration for Hannah Montana growing up into the poster child for mainstream pornography. Good girls are inherently boring. Chicks with strap ons who urge Terry Richardson to cover them with cum and decent lighting pen more interesting memoirs. She’s not sitting in a North Face tent on center campus demanding free tuition and Valtrex. I’m inspired to write her a nice Yelp review. Her pussy her choice. What are the options again? Get on the bus.
Photo Credit: Terry Richardson For Candy Magazine
By Lex November 10, 2015 @ 10:14 AM
Miley Cyrus doesn’t have long to live after tonguing The AIDS piano. Not to mention that Victoria Secret model’s bunghole sans dental dam. Why not go down swinging. A quickie album seems out of the question given the time constraints of current audio masking technology. Take off your clothes and snap some pictures. Please pass the Shea butter. My gender neutral vagina is cracking.
Photo Credit: Instagram/V Magazine
By Lex November 09, 2015 @ 10:23 AM
Miley Cyrus received a standing ovation at the LGBT Vanguard Awards when she licked The AIDS piano to prove her epidemiological knowledge gleaned through ‘some grade school’. Miley was honored at the ceremony for her homegrown gender fluidity science. It’s a settled science much like global warming and 15th century geography. As with all speakers during the evening, Cyrus reminded the crowd that the LGBT community cares about people more than the rest of the world. Then she peed on Dustin Lance Black and called it a night. The dreadlocks were due by 10am the next morning to avoid losing her deposit.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex October 23, 2015 @ 1:06 PM
I’m not clear on the rules of bar mitzvah parties, but isn’t the shiksa supposed to be the hot one? The James Franco Bar Mitzvah was a celebration of James Franco taking off a couple hours from gay baiting horny homosexual men. You had a shot when he was broke. Now, it’s over.
Everybody pretended to raise money for charity while pretending with equal fervor that Miley Cyrus is a talented super friend and not a gravelly voiced street urchin with the ass of a twelve-year old boy child. The event was reminiscent of the old Dean Martin roasts if you substitute weed for booze and weed for talent. James Franco couldn’t be happier and mugged a broad smile the entire evening. Also for the past ten years and at least ten more years into the future. Mazel tov.
Photo Credit: James Franco’s Bar Mitzvah
By Michael October 19, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Miley Cyrus is bringing peace to the Middle East with the use of her boyish shaped ass. Is it a coincidence that violence there has only increased? I don’t think so. Twinks confuse everyone.
See how she managed to insult all the Abrahamic faiths. (Drunken Stepfather)
Toni Garrn models lingerie because it’s her fucking job. (Last Men On Earth)
Diora Baird is topless in this Boob Tube Round-Up. (Egotastic All-Stars)
Latino groups don’t want Donald Trump on SNL. It’s OK, no one is watching anyway. (TMZ)
These girls have thigh gaps you can drive the weinermobile through. (The Chive)
Carmen Electra is starting to look like Big Ang from Mob Wives. (Hollywood Tuna)
Doutzen Kroes looks better in lingerie than your girlfriend. (Popoholic)