Snoop Calls Miley Cyrus ‘One of the Greatest Musicians’ Ever

By Lex April 18, 2013 @ 8:38 AM

My friend Jess once proposed that the definition of ‘too high’ is when you’re watching the Cartoon Network and you realize it’s been four hours since you last checked a clock. Meh, declaring Miley Cyrus ‘one of the greatest musicians of all time‘ is a much better definition.

I know Snoop is currently selling his questionable duets reggae beats album, including the Auto-Tuned aural affair that is Ashtrays and Heartbreaks featuring Miley. Still, there is hyperbole and there is total disconnect from common perception. You’d be hard pressed to find even a tween girl Miley fan who would commit to this level of exaggeration. Nancy Reagan predicted all this 30 years ago but nobody was listening.

Tags: miley cyrus, snoop dogg |

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Miley Cyrus Cracks a Joint

By Lex April 08, 2013 @ 8:50 AM

Miley Cyrus is hurting with the loss of her engagement to the Hemsworth brother nobody remembers. To swallow her feelings, Miley flashed her ass crack and smoked a j in Miami. She also snuck into a 21 and over club despite being underaged. This is the difference between a troubled pop star and a troubled rock star. A troubled rock star would be cutting the phrase ‘Fuck me’ into her arm just below her track marks. Rock stars are inherently more interesting people.

Photo credit: FameFlynet

7 photos in gallery >

Tags: miley cyrus |

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Miley and Snoop Made A Song That Sucks

By Steve G. April 04, 2013 @ 3:58 PM

Miley has a new song, a collaboration with the tattered remains of what use to be Snoop Dogs street cred called Ashtrays and Heartbreaks. It actually seems to be getting good reviews. Which means I must be missing something here because I think it’s an absolute train wreck. I’m sure the ashtrays are suppose to represent something. Caskets? Is it caskets? Either way if Tupac weren’t already dead he’d wish he was after hearing this rhythmic holocaust. I don’t really know what I was expecting though. So in the end Miley was right, this certainly did shut me up. No longer will I be talking about how ridiculous her haircut is or sitting on pins and needles about her engagement to the Hemsworth brother nobody cares about. Instead I’ll sit back silently and think to myself how much this song fucking sucks.

Tags: miley cyrus, snoop dogg |

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Miley Cyrus Single and Sad

By Bill March 13, 2013 @ 11:40 AM

How do you know when a celebrity is lying? When they quit Twitter because they’re sick of all the untruths. Kind of like discovering gambling in Casablanca. Just last week the spastic Miley Cyrus hunched over her MacBook Air and tweeted out that she was leaving social media because of all the unfounded rumors about her breaking up with that Hemsworth brother who is not Thor. Well, it looks like it’s true.

Why do we care? Rebound sex. Miley is going to have a ton of it. She’s going to bang so hard her back might straighten out. And that’s something every man within her radius ought to note. Because outside of daddy-hate, broken-hearted-rebound-sex is the easiest, craziest times on the planet.

Tags: miley cyrus |

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Miley Cyrus Denies Shit on Twitter

By Johnny Redd March 08, 2013 @ 12:29 PM

Miley Cyrus is sick of all the lies. Stop the damn lies!

I am so sick of La. And sick of the lies that come with it. I didn’t call off my wedding. Taking a break from social media. #draining

– Miley Cyrus, on Twitter

She’s #draining. What exactly she’s #draining is not specified in her 140 character limit. If it’s her fiance’s tool, then I’d say the press reports of her engagement being called off are probably bullshit. If it’s her bank account to buy a new custom-made 24K gold scoliosis back brace, then I’d say she’s looking at getting back into the dating pool in the near future.

I’ve had a crush on Miley since Perez Hilton first showed me her underaged vagina. In Perez’s defense, he’d never seen one before and thought it was her shoe. In my defense, well, fuck, I have none. Still, it was a thing that led to a thing that has had me finding Billy Ray’s spastic daughter pretty damn hot. Save for that voice. And the hair. And the tit tattoos.

Photo credit: INFDaily.com / PCN

8 photos in gallery >

Tags: miley cyrus |

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Miley Cyrus is still dressing slutty

By brendon December 17, 2012 @ 1:56 PM

You know in those movies where the future is all dirty and crowded and awful, like ‘Total Recall’ and ‘Blade Runner’, at some point the main guy will talk to a prostitute, and behind that prostitute are some other prostitutes who weren’t pretty enough to be cast as the main prostitute? Well if Miley was trying to look like one of them, mission accomplished.

(image source of miley and her mom at rehearsals for the vh1 divas concert = inf)