By Lex February 19, 2014 @ 4:33 PM
Is there no limit to the cutting edge artistic expression for this auto-tuned platypus slash Maxim’s sexiest woman alive? To keep her Bangerz Tour frenzy at rabid monkey pace, Miley Cyrus took a pair of thong panties flung at her during her concert in Vancouver and began munching on them like she was some unbound primordial sexual beast. Or a prison inmate who two weeks ago mailed fifty hard earned dollars to a poorly aging Playboy Cybergirl. According to Miley, they tasted just like chicken, or lesbian Canadian teen vagina tasting chicken. At some point, a concerned group of parents are going to form a secret alliance and strangle Miley in her sleep. In court, they’ll demand that history be their judge and some of us will spend some real time noodling that over.
Photo Credit: Twitter
By Lex February 17, 2014 @ 1:17 PM
At some point Obama’s going to need to turn his attention away from how many gays he can airlift to Russia and apologize to our largest supplier of unmarked cigarettes to the north for what Miley Cyrus did in Vancouver over the weekend. Miley Cyrus spent most of her Bangerz stage time rubbing her twat in front of a bunch of kids barely old enough to have lost their first teeth playing hockey. She quickly moved on to pretending to fellate our former President and having the blue dude from Monsters Inc bang her from behind. At one point I think she was interpreting Amber Lynn seducing her own father in Taboo 5. I was willing to abide the cutting edge performance art until Miley started mounting a giant hot dog. She was fucking America, like Jane Fonda straddling an NVA anti-aircraft gun, and right in front of Canada. As if those people need an opening to pour angrily across our border with their oversized spoons and fur-lined winter jackets.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet, Splash
By Lex February 06, 2014 @ 6:24 PM
I’m not sure how Miley Cyrus got envisioned as a blond bombshell, but if it sells in Germany, you know it has to be authentic. At least Vogue had the decency to show her tits off. Maxim could take a financial planning lesson from Vogue in that regard. People seem to like Miley a lot more when she’s naked and not talking so much. Legendary celebrity photographer Mario Testino has shot some of the world’s sexiest women through the years, now he’s also shot Miley Cyrus.
Photo credit: Vogue Germany
By Lex February 04, 2014 @ 4:59 PM
In a tell all interview with Ronan Farrow, who himself is now famous for maybe being Frank Sinatra’s bastard son and blindly calling out Woody Allen for molesting his adopted sister, Miley Cyrus really let loose with her super shocking truth-ray. While she admits she doesn’t know much about what’s going on in the real world, Miley has a lot to say about the more important stuff, like what’s going on in her world. For instance, Miley says she’s proud to be a sexual revolutionary for young women everywhere:
I’m trying to tell girls, like, ‘Fuck that. You don’t have to wear makeup. You don’t have to have long blonde hair and big titties. I like that I’m associated with sexuality and the kind of punk-rock shit where we just don’t care.
Power to the well-worn clit. Punk rock has a long history of unattractive flat chested girls stuffing their vaginas full of sin and not giving a shit. You talk about equal rights for women, it has to start with the right to look like a preteen boy, get fucking wasted, and wake up next to an emotionally damaged stranger telling you to consider getting tested for the human papillomavirus. But the Mandela of pop music wasn’t done there. Miley further upped her rebel cred by giving a middle finger to anyone who would judge her antics:
I’m not Disney, where they have, like, an Asian girl, a black girl, and a white girl, to be politically correct, and, like, everyone has bright-colored T-shirts.
Excellent point. Except, you know, you are Disney. You built your entire rise to fame and stardom and being able to get high and pretend Ronan Farrow is a real journalist just from being a Disney titan. You were the white girl in the bright colored T-shirts. Miley did go on to say that everybody who criticizes her is just a jealous bitch, which even though she backed into the thought via Twitter teen logic, happens to be mostly true.
Photo Credit: W Magazine
By Jack January 31, 2014 @ 4:02 PM
The cover of next month’s W magazine has been leaked online and it shows a naked Miley Cyrus writhing on a bed. She’s wearing nothing but some jewelry and a strategically placed pillow. I would find this picture shocking if I wasn’t so used to seeing this bitch naked. At this point it’s like looking at my cat lick its anus clean. It used to shock me but now that I’ve seen it every day for years it’s sort of old hat. She’s also wearing a long blond wig in the picture so that her normal short lesbian-like Peter Pan look doesn’t ruin the sexy vibe of the picture. No word as to how the picture was leaked. Probably some W magazine intern with a fetish for naked women with bleached eyebrows hugging pillows to their vaginas. Or Miley’s mom. Vegas is leaning toward the latter.
By Travis January 30, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
The thing about Miley Cyrus is that she seems to be the kind of entertainer who truly believes that no publicity is bad publicity, as evidenced by her misguided idea that because people talk about her ridiculously stupid performances, she stays on top. Take her MTV Unplugged performance last night, for example. Critics of the singer might say that she looked like a female Eminem impersonator hosting a donkey show at a Furry convention before she was joined by her slutty grandmother, and Miley would probably respond, “Shucks y’all, that’s exactly what I was going for!” It’s simply remarkable that the person with the most dignity on the stage at a Miley show is a twerking dwarf.
Photo Credits: Getty