By Matt November 25, 2014 @ 6:07 AM
Demi Lovato announced she “has nothing in common” with Miley Cyrus because she was conducting an interview and had to say something quote worthy. Cyrus and Lovato were best friends until Lovato had a nervous breakdown and was found to be a bipolar bulimic self harming cocaine addict. This is known to happen in the company of Cyrus as your post dildo themed rave serotonin levels dip until your body tells itself it’s dead now. The two are on a different trajectory. Cyrus may not reach the rehab milestone for years to come and it will probably coincide with nobody giving a shit about her anymore. In the meantime it’s best the two avoid each other. While Lovato struggles to maintain her sobriety, Cyrus is currently struggling to remain not sober. It’s a constant battle but usually ends well with anonymous sex you can’t remember. With any luck the two can rekindle their friendship. It would be a Shakespearian tragedy if Lovato’s relapses should coincide with Cyrus’ eventual rehab stints.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Matt November 24, 2014 @ 7:15 AM
Miley Cyrus celebrated her 22nd birthday by riding a giant dick in a nightclub full of sex dolls and dildos stuck to the walls. I filled in the part where she ate enough molly to poke a hole in her highlights and got a train run on her by the partners at CAA in the champagne room. This is 2014 and people shouldn’t be squeamish about celebrating sex. They may however want to be squeamish about riding shimmering cocks in public because that’s gross behavior. Cyrus and her cronies may have been born under the wrong moon. The early 80′s offered a fairly uninhibited culture of sex and drugs which led to AIDS and Journey. This is kind of like that but without the spine. If you’re going to lick the ashes off the floor in a leather gay bar dungeon do it with some decorum.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex October 30, 2014 @ 9:27 AM
The AIDS research group amfAR delivers the A-list celebrities for their balls around the world like no other charitable cause. You might last a short stint in the business as a Holocaust denier, but you hesitate to support The AIDS and you have signed your death notice.
The girls love showing off their tits at these The AIDS events. It’s kind of a dream scenario. You can flash your yabbos to tons of powerful men and none of them will try to cop a dirty feel. I once spent a week working with a team of gritty lesbians. I found it the most liberating experience ever. The chance to bitch about not getting pussy with other women was more than therapeutic. I don’t care how hard-up your buddy is, he’s got conversationally nothing on a butch dyke who hasn’t aggressively fisted a bored housewife in over six months.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Getty
By Lex October 14, 2014 @ 11:02 AM
Fuck if I didn’t just praise Miley Cyrus. Why remind the world that god forsook you with little soy eating boy mammaries? Nobody escapes the dry wit of genetics.
Photo Credit: MTRX/AKM-GSI
By Lex October 14, 2014 @ 9:06 AM
Miley Cyrus went on Australian morning television and declared the key to happiness is a whole bunch of empty phrases while fully aware the real answer is being super fucking high and getting laid often. Which it truly is. When you’re twenty one and you can cover off all the deadbeats in your family with a check you don’t even notice and you’ve still got resources for a pony, dank, and all the twat pleasing you need, what else are you missing? Miley might do all sorts of rodent faced creepy shit on stage but she’s not a cunty fucker like Justin Bieber who will take a life before his run is complete. She’s just a chick who wants to play dress up and fuck and bank some cash. The more that sinks in, the more I realize Miley Cyrus might be my favorite person in Hollywood.