Miley Cyrus Shows Tits For Freedom

By Matt December 29, 2014 @ 7:12 AM

MC

Miley Cyrus posted an Instagram photo of her tits as part of the Free The Nipple campaign which seeks women’s liberation through the harmonics of one million teenage boys masturbating simultaneously. Instagram does not allow women’s nipples or versatile sub rape scene creampies as part of their Terms and Conditions, and since removed the photo. The Free The Nipple crowd advocates for the right of women to walk around in public with their tits out, claiming there’s no difference between men and women’s nipples. Ostensibly I agree but one draws a little more attention than the other, hence this post is about Miley Cyrus and not Rick Flair. It also ignores that fact that most of us also want guys who walk around topless in public to be fed to the volcano to make the Ebola stop. Still, I one hundred percent support Cyrus in this noble cause. I had no idea here titties were so attractive in the supine positions. If you spunk while thinking about them, I guess you’re a feminist now. Go pick up your card.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Maria Shriver Is Anti Miley Cyrus

By Matt December 11, 2014 @ 8:08 AM

Cyrus

Maria Shriver reportedly disapproves of her potentially legitimate child Patrick Schwarzenegger dating Miley Cyrus because she’s best known for getting wasted and having midgets spread her ass cheeks for screaming teens and naughty Hungarian men who remember strip clubs under Communist rule. Shriver reportedly cancelled her trip to Art Basel in Miami when she found out Cyrus would be there with her son smoking a joint in pasties and drinking herself into a full Cosby ready stupor. Shriver is a real stickler for character. That’s why she married a dude with a dozen credible sexual harassment suits on file who liked to fuck things that moved within in his sightline. Its unclear if Patrick gives a shit what his perma-scowl faced mother thinks, since it is unclear whether his trust fund has kicked in or not. Based on who he’s bringing to Christmas Dinner I’d say probably yes.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Miley And Paris’ Makeout Party And Shit Around The Web

By Jack December 08, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

460040934

Slut beasts Miley Cyrus and Paris Hilton were seen making out at Art Basel in Miami right in front of Miley’s boyfriend baby Schwarzenegger. I wonder what bacterial plagues that live in those whorish maws did they swap?

Read all about how to get herpes simplex A. (The Superficial)

Justin Bieber continues his quest to look like a blond lesbian welder. (TMZ)

George Lucas thinks he’s too good for the new Star Wars. (Huffington Post)

Olivia Wilde’s pussy is eating her bikini bottom. (Drunken Stepfather)

Yara Khmidan’s tits are beyond amazing in these bikini pics. (Popoholic)

Luci Ford and her boobies make my weiner happy. (Hollywood Tuna)

Someone is trying to kill furbies. (Dlisted)

Miley Cyrus Handles Her Schwarzenegger

By Lex December 08, 2014 @ 11:37 AM

Miley Cyrus And Patrick Schwarzenegger Go Jet Skiiing In Miami
Miley Cyrus finally found a fella that makes her smile even when she’s morning almost sober. You can’t really do better than a Schwarzengger. The way Maria and Arnold banged the shit out of everybody but each other for thirty years, it’s hard to declare his lineage with any certainty, but I bet he’s hoping his dad’s a foreign diplomat with real hair, not the incoherent roid bastard who cold porked the maid. Those are some heavy emotions. The kind that can only be assuaged as a randy platypus with her own daddy issues fondles your balls from the back of your Jet-Ski. Watching two young adults who hate their parents fuck each other’s brains out still makes me tear up.

Photo Credit: INF

Miley Cyrus Does Art Basel

By Lex December 04, 2014 @ 1:11 PM

Miley Cyrus Wears One Piece Thong While Preforming At Art Basel In Miami
Miley Cyrus made a powerful statement at the Art Basel show in Miami by smoking weed and drinking on stage while talking about death and banging on the piano to songs she said her friend’s cat wrote for her. It’s a little less beatnik perhaps when the show is sponsored by Tommy Hilfiger and you’re staying at the Fountainbleau with your celebrity boyfriend from USC.

“You thought Art Basel was a respected place where you could escape me. This year has constantly challenged me, and that’s why I started doing art. — Miley Cyrus on stage

Actually, I thought Art Basel was a pretentious shit show of trust funders hoping to hawk their collages to friends of Gwyneth Paltrow who invest in art for the same reason dudes at Jiffy Lube hang up wall posters of hot black chicks with big asses in thongs. But that part about escaping Miley certainly seems warranted. Though I’m pretty sure we all realize now there is no escape.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Miley Makes Fun Of Mexicans And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 25, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

458858538

Lovable cum sponge Miley Cyrus got la Raza all in a tizzy after posing for pics in a sombrero and taco costume. Personally, I’d be thankful for the cultural shout out. Any time Miley embraces you and you don’t get contact syphilis, you’ve won.

See Miley’s tuna taco. (Drunken Stepfather)

Daniela Lopez Osorio makes my wiener whistle a happy tune. (Hollywood Tuna)

Michelle K uses signed pics of her tits to sell albums. (Idolator)

Hailey Clauson is a naughty girl next door type. Oh, so naughty. (Popoholic)

Chevy Chase is one bloated, drunk, fat mess. (Dlisted)

Lana Del Ray’s hot Maxim pics are the best reason to read that shit. (COED)

Old yenta Bette Midler called Ariana Grande a whore. (The Superficial)