By Lex June 17, 2015 @ 9:14 AM
Miley Cyrus advanced the ball on LGBTQ acceptance by bringing somebody she called ‘agender’ as her date to The AIDS prom in New York. Agender is the new term for what used to be called gender neutral or gender ambiguous or just kid who got his ass kicked regularly on the playground. According to Miley Cyrus who is working hard to rid this world of labels:
Tyler [Ford[ is a queer, biracial, agender person, whose pronouns are they/them/theirs.
Being agender sounds really hectic. It also just seems like the skinny Pinoy kid from the high school A/V club in a dress. I’m not one to judge, but you could try a little harder to make us guess your gender if you’re claiming no gender. Bruce Jenner was waxing before and after his vehicular manslaughter. At what point do the bulk of gay men step forward and announce that just because they fall in love with other dudes doesn’t mean they don’t love football and traditional pronouns? Gender fluidity was more relatable when we just called it self-indulgence.
Photo credit: FameFlynet
By Lex June 11, 2015 @ 11:13 AM
Miley Cyrus has declared in her latest insipid interview for Paper Magazine that she’s always been openly bisexual. By open she means that nobody among the millions of people who follow her publicly have ever seen or heard evidence of such. But believe it’s true. She’s had many love affairs with women you can’t find on Google and even came out to her mom at fourteen:
[Miley] recalls confessing to her mother, at age 14, that she had romantic feelings toward women. “I remember telling her I admire women in a different way. And she asked me what that meant. And I said, I love them. I love them like I love boys,” she says. “And it was so hard for her to understand. She didn’t want me to be judged and she didn’t want me to go to hell. But she believes in me more than she believes in any god. I just asked for her to accept me. And she has.
Fuck, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. If you were penning the seventy five new after school specials in the works about coming out to your parents, you couldn’t do a better story than that. I wonder if mom recalls it after being told to confirm it if anybody asks. Cyrus also threw in the fact that she considers her gender to be ‘fluid’ and doesn’t like constricting labels because they only serve to hurt. You have to miss the days when chicks in Hollywood just rooted for the commies. Times were simpler. Chomping on a dick was still optional. For men at least.
Photo credit: Paper Magazine
By Matt June 09, 2015 @ 8:11 AM
Miley Cyrus posed naked with her pet pig on the cover of Paper Magazine. You might remember Paper from photoshopping Kim Kardashian’s implanted ass on it’s cover and then claiming it broke the Internet even though the Internet still worked fine and as proof several people remarked how she looked fat on Twitter. The issue is titled Use Your Voice and will focus on Cyrus’ humanitarian efforts including her Happy Hippy Foundation which aims to help homeless youth and provide blow jobs for struggling rappers. It seems Cyrus is out and about often so I don’t understand how she has time to care for a pet pig. Cut to her Guatemalan housekeeper snow shoveling shit off a marble floor every quarter hour. Cyrus may not know what’s best for this pig. It’s a filthy animal. The pig is pretty gross too. I’m sure there’s foundation aimed as rescuing animals from being cooped up in a drug den in the Valley. Unfortunately I highly doubt any of their supporters are cover material. Look for her twat to appear in next month’s Penny Saver. Do you smell bacon?
Photo Credit: Paper Magazine
By Lex June 02, 2015 @ 12:37 PM
There are two kinds of people who just don’t give a shit what others think about them: assholes and heroes. At some point, Tom Cruise told people, I’m short, I’ve got an ungainly nose, and I spend hours secretly sketching Asian boys in track suits wrestling in underground clubs. I don’t give a shit what you think, I’m going to become a movie star. He’s a hero. Wait, no, asshole. This shit is confusing. Miley Cyrus stopped caring what people think about her somewhere around age eighteen and fifty million in the bank. Also when she discovered both her parents were fucking other people not her parents. That will grow you up fast. She’s not driving drunk or clogging up the court system with stupid acting out shit. If she needs to sing crappy party songs and smoke blunts and show you her tits, fuck, hero.
Photo Credit: Instgram
By Jack May 29, 2015 @ 11:00 AM
Miley Cyrus released a picture showing some pretty serious armpit hair because when you’re young and rich and short of attention getting ideas besides beaver shots, it’s going to come up on your list.
See the offensive hair here. (Drunken Stepfather)
Is Justin Bieber pretending to be straight again with Selena Gomez? (TMZ)
John Meyer and Katy Perry are writing a shitty song together about Taylor Swift. (Dlisted)
Samantha Hoopes eats a burger all sexylike. (COED)
Hot ladies of softball? i know, it sounds weird but it’s true. (Busted Coverage)
Karina Jelinek does yoga in a bikini like you do. (Hollywood Tuna)
Edita Vilkeviciute bikini goodness. (Popoholic)
By Lex May 28, 2015 @ 9:19 AM
A social media thumbs up from Miley Cyrus alone can get a TV show renewed. The AARP comedy Grace and Frankie starring Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin as two golden girls striking out together after their husbands run off with each other got approved for a second season seconds after Miley Cyrus got super baked and tweeted the show was crazy good. Through the magic of sharing her nipples on Instagram and the tens of millions of people who stay tuned to her y’all shoutouts, Miley now has the power to tank or greenlight a series. This only seems shitty when compared to the nerd revolts that have previously brought back shows like Community or Arrested Development to dot coms based on Irkutsk.
TV executives have forever lacked sac when it comes to making programming decisions. Supposing that a late night social media plug from a demographic that will never watch their show is reason to move forward with a series is par for the course. None of this should matter until the FCC takes control of the digital broadband and our two viewing options become West Wing re-runs and the Ellen Show. Senators talking about the antisocial statements in Game of Thrones are only step one in the future neutering. When tits are deemed against the public interest, you’ll have about six months left to record the shit out of your favorite shows and store them in your bunker. Look to the Southern Skies. A lot more Grace and Frankie is coming.
Photo Credit: Instagram