Miley Cyrus spent the weekend dodging frivolous lawsuits by recording a new single with The Flaming Lips’ frontman Wayne Coyne, and the song in question that she’s loaning her trademark hillbilly twang to is the Beatles’ “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.” To really get into the mood and feel the groovy drug vibe of the song, Miley and Wayne got “high as fuck” and Wayne proved it to the world by posting a photo to Instagram of Miley rolling what looks like the loosest, shittiest joint in the history of drugs. There’s really no way that Miley isn’t just an ironic sidekick for other musicians at this point, so when they get together with actual stars at other events, they can imitate her dumb voice, stick their tongues out and laugh about the times that they got Miley so high that she passed out in a strip club dumpster.
Katy Perry isn’t the only one that thinks that Miley’s tongue is an occupational safety hazard.A worker on an LA construction crew is suing Miley Cyrus because he got hurt by her giant tongue. No, not the disgusting pink slug that she waggles out of her giant-grilled maw like an asphyxiating Jabba the Hutt. She has a giant tongue that she slides down during her burlesque show for children. The worker, Charles Nicholas Sarris, was seriously injured when the rig for setting up the tongue collapsed. He’s lucky he didn’t get gonorrhea from it. You can get that in your throat, you know. Sarris didn’t work directly on the tour but for an LA effects company. Miley’s people will likely pay the guy off and maybe get one of the disgruntled midgets to give him a handy in the back of a Burger King and call it even. Money doesn’t fix everything, but it does ease the pain of giant Miley gonorrhea tongue.
(Photo Via MTV.com)
Miley Cyrus skipped her costume change and hit the stage in her underwear in Milwaukee so she wouldn’t miss her mark for the concert crowd of bellowing below average bell-curvers frothing to hear her dulcet tones.
But, I’m confused. Doesn’t the song not start until you come out to sing it? Or are you suggesting… no, can’t be. Fuck, I so wanted Miley’s music to be as real as her twelve-year old boy’s body. Help me, German ghost of Rob Pilatus.
Photo Credit: Twitter
Miley Cyrus is clearly battling an inferior foe in this pop star lesbo sex bitch down. Katy Perry is still playing a cheeky kid’s game while Miley Cyrus is shoving a whole rubber hand up her shiver and calling Katy a dirty mouthed bitch. Katy tried to turn it back into a game with her response:
Nope. A day late and a molded fist dildo too late, Miley is ripping a cork off a bottle of Old Grand-Dad with her teeth while you’re making lemonade spritzers. You don’t get it, Katy Perry. Miley isn’t fooling around. When she gets to England, you’re not going to give her a silly spanking for the cameras. Miley is going to have her furry midgets pin you down on the banks of the Thames while she unlawfully carnally gets to know you. When she’s done, you’ll be wet and dirty and shivering at the foot of Big Ben wondering if even Russell Brand would ever take you back. You opened the can of worms, Katy. Now Miley’s going to close it, with your twat.
Photo Credit: Getty
The world’s lamest girlfight ever continues. No hair pulling or boobs being ripped out of wifebeaters or even high-pitched screeching, as Miley Cyrus told Katy Perry that she better not be talking about which bitch has the dirty mouth.
Oh, snap, or some such shit like that. I’m kind of impressed Miley knew how to make the Twitter tongue emoticon. It’s shows she’s advanced past simple tools and utterances. Her trainers might even start saying, damn, that tomboy belongs in a school, not in a leotard with her rectum so pronounced in the air.
To show how serious she is about people not pre-judging her sexual habits, Miley Tweeted a photo of her new sex toy, a ginormous dildo in the shape of four-fingered hand. They say you’re not a real woman until you go ulna first on your secret garden forays with the Hand of Adonis. I’m not about to start judging what women jam up their lady parts, If I had a vagina, I’d have to use a mirror to see the TV set up my twat during NFL Sundays. If it felt good, it’s getting up in there. Still, I wouldn’t kiss Miley.
Photo Credit: Miley Cyrus/Twitter
Katy Perry knows this cheeky sexualized pop star act is just a bit. You do the Kissed a Girl thing and get half naked in your music videos because it sells records. Then you go home and slap on your fat girl sweatpants eat a pound of olive loaf while watching Hoda and Kathie Lee. Miley Cyrus hasn’t unplugged from The Matrix just yet. She believes she’s the tip of the spear of a female sexual revolution like every teen girl does when she moves out of her parents house and starts to get laid. Katy Perry says when she moved in for the staged peck with Miley in concert, the rabid platypus started shoving her tongue down Katy’s throat like she was her biker lady on a conjugal. Katy pulled away in bacteriological horror:
“God knows where that tongue has been. We don’t know, that tongue is so infamous.”
Excellent point, Katy. Though we’re pretty sure it hasn’t been enveloping the dick of one of the most prodigious pussy slayers in Hollywood like yours has. So quit being such a priss and accept Miley’s tongue down your throat and her finger up your twat if she’s choosing to bless you today with feeling like a real woman. You’re her bitch now. That’s Tennessee law. The next time, she won’t be asking for your opinion.