If you start getting into the deeper meaning of Miley Cyrus music, you could really get lost in the convoluted allegories and complex subtext. Like, in her last music video, Can’t Stop, Miley couldn’t stop partying with subjugated minorities. But what I think it really meant was fuck you, cheating dad who was never there for me. Now, in Wrecking Ball, Miley is naked and riding a wrecking ball, but I think what it really means is I’ve got my bare twat on a wrecking ball, fuck you again, dad.
For as much shit as we give Miley Cyrus for being a massive douchebag, completely oblivious to the fact that the majority of us are laughing at her and her legion of mouth-breathing fans, her recent appearance on the German TV show Schlag den Raab was pretty awesome. Maxim’s “hottest” woman in the world performed her hit “We Can’t Stop” while a female little person or dwarf (or whatever is appropriate this week) danced and sort of twerked next to her, and Miley even slapped her ass for good measure. If anything, it was just great to see that Miley hasn’t forgotten all of her old carnie pals.
Yesterday, Miley Cyrus Tweeted the above image for the album artwork of her new single, “Wrecking Ball,” which she’ll release on Monday. Just look at how hot she looks sitting like that on a giant black ball, which I’m sure is symbolism for a lot of what is happening in her life right now. You know that this song is going to be so amazing and life-altering, just like all of her other songs that are changing the way that we look at the world today, as well as the history of pop music.
Of course, that will be according to her, because the rest of us will know that it’s just another steaming pile of autotuned, tongue-wagging, twerking crap.
Vast sections of the underemployed world are still talking about Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke’s controversial performance at the VMAs last week. Both of the music artists have played down any notion that their performance was in any way a big deal meant to create huge controversy.
“They’re overthinking it … You’re thinking about it more than I thought about it when I did it. Like, I didn’t even think about it ’cause that’s just me.” — Miley Cyrus.
Not so fast. My own source (a buddy of mine who I trust like a brother in a Greek tragedy) was literally standing next to Miley and Robin backstage before they went on. He tells me that any notion that this Tijuana donkey show was impromptu or in the moment is utter bullshit. He specifically heard Thicke and Cyrus talking backstage about how ‘fucking sexy’ they were going to perform. They basically gave each other a pep talk about how far they were going to take it to create a media sensation. Which isn’t surprising in the least. Just, you know, a a big fat lie.
Miley Cyrus recently claimed that the reason she has been twerkin’ up a storm and “making history” by rubbing her ass on Robin Thicke is because she only sleeps 45 minutes a day and spends the rest of her time in the studio recording hot new rap tracks. So that’s why she was probably covering her face with her expensive Chanel purse when she showed up to the studio yesterday, because she was looking a little tired and worn out.
I have to admit, though, if this is the start of a trend, and Miley covers her face so we have to look at her ass more often, I might actually change my mind about this autotuned disaster of a singer.
(Photo Credits: WENN.com)
Teddy bear rapist Miley Cyrus says she is really fucked up in a new interview. Is she, realllly? Miley has been in the news lately after she gyrated like a harlot and dry humped Robin Thicke on the VMAs, (even though he was dressed like Beetlejuice at the time). Miley seems to be following former Disney alumns Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Amanda Bynes down the path to self destruction. Miley says,
“I have so many fucking issues. I am so fucked up -– everyone does dumb stuff when they are messed up…I don’t have a normal life. I take a hiatus every now and again, but I’m not good at that.”
She says it’s because she works soooo hard. Sure. I’m sure cocaine has nothing to do with it. I for one don’t buy it. I think she is still playing the double life of Hannah Montana, only this version of Hannah is a ho. I get the distinct feeling that Miley is affecting this entire thing. Unlike Britney and Amanda who really did go nuts, Miley’s actions feel as forced as Billy Ray Cyrus’ heterosexuality. She knows that after the teeny bopper and Disney Channel Original Movies are over there is only one way to stay relevant: act like a freakshow whore. Or have talent, but since that isn’t the case she has to go with the twerking thing.