By Jack September 05, 2013 @ 2:48 PM
Vast sections of the underemployed world are still talking about Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke’s controversial performance at the VMAs last week. Both of the music artists have played down any notion that their performance was in any way a big deal meant to create huge controversy.
“They’re overthinking it … You’re thinking about it more than I thought about it when I did it. Like, I didn’t even think about it ’cause that’s just me.” — Miley Cyrus.
Not so fast. My own source (a buddy of mine who I trust like a brother in a Greek tragedy) was literally standing next to Miley and Robin backstage before they went on. He tells me that any notion that this Tijuana donkey show was impromptu or in the moment is utter bullshit. He specifically heard Thicke and Cyrus talking backstage about how ‘fucking sexy’ they were going to perform. They basically gave each other a pep talk about how far they were going to take it to create a media sensation. Which isn’t surprising in the least. Just, you know, a a big fat lie.
By Travis September 05, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Miley Cyrus recently claimed that the reason she has been twerkin’ up a storm and “making history” by rubbing her ass on Robin Thicke is because she only sleeps 45 minutes a day and spends the rest of her time in the studio recording hot new rap tracks. So that’s why she was probably covering her face with her expensive Chanel purse when she showed up to the studio yesterday, because she was looking a little tired and worn out.
I have to admit, though, if this is the start of a trend, and Miley covers her face so we have to look at her ass more often, I might actually change my mind about this autotuned disaster of a singer.
(Photo Credits: WENN.com)
By Jack September 03, 2013 @ 2:49 PM
Teddy bear rapist Miley Cyrus says she is really fucked up in a new interview. Is she, realllly? Miley has been in the news lately after she gyrated like a harlot and dry humped Robin Thicke on the VMAs, (even though he was dressed like Beetlejuice at the time). Miley seems to be following former Disney alumns Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Amanda Bynes down the path to self destruction. Miley says,
“I have so many fucking issues. I am so fucked up -– everyone does dumb stuff when they are messed up…I don’t have a normal life. I take a hiatus every now and again, but I’m not good at that.”
She says it’s because she works soooo hard. Sure. I’m sure cocaine has nothing to do with it. I for one don’t buy it. I think she is still playing the double life of Hannah Montana, only this version of Hannah is a ho. I get the distinct feeling that Miley is affecting this entire thing. Unlike Britney and Amanda who really did go nuts, Miley’s actions feel as forced as Billy Ray Cyrus’ heterosexuality. She knows that after the teeny bopper and Disney Channel Original Movies are over there is only one way to stay relevant: act like a freakshow whore. Or have talent, but since that isn’t the case she has to go with the twerking thing.
By Lex September 02, 2013 @ 12:35 PM
There’s a whole bunch of outrage in the black community over Miley Cyrus carrying herself like an official representative of the urban music scene and asking songwriters to give her shit to sing that sounds black. The outrage actually seems to be mostly from a bunch of white people who like to get up in arms on behalf of the black community because that makes them feel like they’re enlightened.
“Which brings us back to Miley Cyrus’ VMA performance – a perfect illustration of just how the celebrity world appropriates black culture and female liberation”. — Hadley Freeman, writing op-ed in The Guardian.
Hadley managed to nail two civil rights buttons in one sentence, so I think she wins a college degree from Vassar or something. Mostly I suspect every race, creed, and color has more important things to do than worrying about Miley Cyrus thumping her ass and wearing her sweat pants too low. Yeah, I’m sure it sucks when some
retard with her tongue hanging out Maxim’s hottest woman in the world starts borrowing your shit to turn a buck, but Miley’s fans are the same ones buying up Kanye albums in enough numbers that he got to make a baby in Kim Kardashian. It’s a convoluted balancing of the scales. I’ll explain it in more detail in my lengthy forthcoming essay: I’m White and I Feel Bad About Shit So I’m Better Than You.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex August 29, 2013 @ 4:29 PM
Justin Bieber is all about his craft. And being just the best friend ever. So when his rapping bestie Lil Twist decided he needed to share his magic with the world too, Justin agreed to be featured on his new track. Not only that, but Justin called up Miley Cyrus and the three of the little musical tours de force got together in the Honeycomb Hideout and cranked out the ingeniously conceived ‘Twerk’. It’s what I imagine would have happened musically if Beethoven, Bach, and Mozart got together to pen a symphony. If Beethoven, Bach, and Mozart were spastic tone-deaf retards and eleven year old Austrian girls owned the phonograph market. I dare you to listen to this piece of shizen.
And if you’re a real glutton for punishment, here’s Miley in her promo pics for her new album ‘Bangerz. It’s called Bangerz because Miley is black and representing.
Photo Credit: Miley Cyrus
By Travis August 28, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
The reason that Miley Cyrus Tweeted that picture of her looking like a stripper at a 1993 NBA All-Star Game after party the other day was because she was dressed up for her part in filming the music video for Mike Will Made It’s “23,” which conveniently leaked online around the same time that Miley was prepping for her memorable MTV VMA performance. In the leaked sample of the track, we actually get to hear Miley rapping, as she name drops Naughty By Nature and references their 1993 hit “Hip Hop Hooray.”
So if you still don’t believe that this is a huge practical joke being played on white America by a bunch of rappers, then I don’t know what else to tell you.