By Travis December 12, 2013 @ 12:00 PM
The Jingle Ball concert moved along to Atlanta last night, where Miley Cyrus once again headlined with her twerking little people, a drunken pervert Santa and a whole team of backup dancers and musicians who looked like they would have rather been in Syria. But unlike the show in Minnesota, this one seemed to be focused more on Miley’s camel toe, because the best way to say, “Merry Christmas!” to your fans is by thrusting your sweaty cooch in their faces. By the time this show hits Tampa next week, I wouldn’t be surprised if Miley takes a dump on a backup dancer’s chest and says she’s just delivering a lump of coal to the naughty girls.
Photo Credits: Getty
By Travis December 11, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Miley Cyrus and her oddly-shaped hips headlined the Jingle Ball in St. Paul, Minnesota last night, and it was the same old stupid gimmicks for Hannah Montana’s barely-covered vagina, except this time she did it all in the name of Christmas cheer. Miley once again trotted out her little people dancers so she could slap their asses while thinking, “Haha, midgets are hilarious!” and her other dancers looked like they would have rather been choking to death on Rudolph’s dick. But the truly edgy behavior came when Miley rubbed her ass all over a guy dressed as Santa Claus, who looked like he was just released on parole and had a cool $40 to spend on a hummer.
Photo Credits: Getty
By Lex December 09, 2013 @ 2:54 PM
What the hell do you tell your kids? Santa isn’t real or he is real and he’s dry humping that painted platypus you love so much onstage. Miley Cyrus spent her stage time at iHeart Jingle Balls thing dirty dancing with her cranky midget in between grinding her ass on St. Nick’s skinny. The whole Boschian menagerie designed to divert attention from the fact that Miley spent her last genie wish on getting her her mom and Bret Michaels together for a reunion fuck rather than a decent singing voice for herself. That’s selfless enough to get Miley onto Santa’s nice list this year, as if taking Kringle splooge on the backside of her elf costume wasn’t enough. Go explain that to your kids.
Photo Credit: Getty, Splash
By Jack December 06, 2013 @ 1:22 PM
Snooki thinks that she and Miley Cyrus should be best friends and have the sluttiest Christmas ever. The pint-sized Guido came to Miley’s defense saying that she sees a lot of her gnarled trollish self in Miley. Snooki believes that the two clam carriers could really do some damage this holiday season, buying rubber dicks and sexually assaulting Santa:
“I feel like I would get her a lot of Christmas presents that involve vibrators, some sex toys, and go to a stripper store and buy really hot stripper outfits. Because she loves being naked, and I love seeing her naked because she’s hot…I would buy her some tight pleather pants and a spiky bra Madonna style. She could walk around like that. Maybe sit on Santa’s lap, give Santa a boner. She could twerk on Santa.”
I think these two hard partying shebangs hanging out is a great idea. In fact, I think their friendship should be made into an ABC Family Christmas film called “I Gave Santa Gonorrhea”.
By Lex November 28, 2013 @ 2:14 PM
I’m not sure why a bunch of you stopped looking at Miley’s tits or ass for any amount of time to notice her face. You might as well start twerking to her music. But some untold number of you insisted on directing me to look at her chin at the American Music Awards. I stopped drinking my Thanksgiving ale for half a second, zoomed in, and there the fuck it was — a burgeoning billy goat gruff. Or scruff. Or just the makings of a Duck Dynasty bandwagoner. Miley’s got a fucking beard. Maxim’s already pulled their January cover to revise for the World’s Hottest Bearded Lady. Jesus. I mean, literally, Miley might be turning into Jesus. What if she’s the Messiah instead of just a twink who badly needs a facial waxing? Thanks for ruining my Thanksgiving.
By Travis November 26, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Now that Miley Cyrus has made it big and is flapping her nonexistent ass cheeks all over the stage with D-list rappers, the Cyrus family is trying to elevate 26-year old Brandi Cyrus to fame, because if there’s a dollar to be made, Billy Ray and Trish will take it. Brandi was also at the American Music Awards on Sunday night, interviewing celebrities on the red carpet, but she absolutely dazzled on her own as people took pictures of her and asked, “Who the fuck is this girl?” while others responded, “No clue, I’m just making sure my camera works.”
Photo Credits: Getty