Miley Cyrus Is Awful At Karaoke, Too (VIDEO)

By Travis March 19, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

While we don’t know if Miley Cyrus and her friends were performing this obnoxious rendition of “Baby Got Back” at the very moment that her tour bus was on fire, it is pretty fun to imagine that was the case and she returned to realize that she forgot to let her little people dancers out of their cage. What’s really troubling, though, is how drunk Miley had to be to not know the words to one of the most basic and dumbest songs ever recorded. At least she was composed enough to go with the classic white girl escape plan of shaking her flat ass while everyone around her screamed. Great recovery, Miley. We can’t have people thinking you’re an idiot.

Miley Cyrus Got ‘High As Fuck’ With Wayne Coyne

By Travis March 17, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

Miley Cyrus spent the weekend dodging frivolous lawsuits by recording a new single with The Flaming Lips’ frontman Wayne Coyne, and the song in question that she’s loaning her trademark hillbilly twang to is the Beatles’ “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.” To really get into the mood and feel the groovy drug vibe of the song, Miley and Wayne got “high as fuck” and Wayne proved it to the world by posting a photo to Instagram of Miley rolling what looks like the loosest, shittiest joint in the history of drugs. There’s really no way that Miley isn’t just an ironic sidekick for other musicians at this point, so when they get together with actual stars at other events, they can imitate her dumb voice, stick their tongues out and laugh about the times that they got Miley so high that she passed out in a strip club dumpster.

Miley Cyrus’ Tongue Gets Sued

By Jack March 14, 2014 @ 1:09 PM

Katy Perry isn’t the only one that thinks that Miley’s tongue is an occupational safety hazard.A worker on an LA construction crew is suing Miley Cyrus because he got hurt by her giant tongue. No, not the disgusting pink slug that she waggles out of her giant-grilled maw like an asphyxiating Jabba the Hutt. She has a giant tongue that she slides down during her burlesque show for children. The worker, Charles Nicholas Sarris, was seriously injured when the rig for setting up the tongue collapsed. He’s lucky he didn’t get gonorrhea from it. You can get that in your throat, you know. Sarris didn’t work directly on the tour but for an LA effects company. Miley’s people will likely pay the guy off and maybe get one of the disgruntled midgets to give him a handy in the back of a Burger King and call it even. Money doesn’t fix everything, but it does ease the pain of giant Miley gonorrhea tongue.

(Photo Via MTV.com)

Miley Cyrus Is a True Professional

By Lex March 10, 2014 @ 1:18 PM

Miley Cyrus Performs In Her Underwear After Missing A Costume Change In Milwuakee
Miley Cyrus skipped her costume change and hit the stage in her underwear in Milwaukee so she wouldn’t miss her mark for the concert crowd of bellowing below average bell-curvers frothing to hear her dulcet tones.

But, I’m confused. Doesn’t the song not start until you come out to sing it? Or are you suggesting… no, can’t be. Fuck, I so wanted Miley’s music to be as real as her twelve-year old boy’s body. Help me, German ghost of Rob Pilatus.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Katy Perry Has No Game Whatsoever

By Lex March 07, 2014 @ 5:10 PM

Katy Perry And Miley Cyrus At The 55th Annual GRAMMY Awards Pre-Grammy Gala
Miley Cyrus is clearly battling an inferior foe in this pop star lesbo sex bitch down. Katy Perry is still playing a cheeky kid’s game while Miley Cyrus is shoving a whole rubber hand up her shiver and calling Katy a dirty mouthed bitch. Katy tried to turn it back into a game with her response:

Nope. A day late and a molded fist dildo too late, Miley is ripping a cork off a bottle of Old Grand-Dad with her teeth while you’re making lemonade spritzers. You don’t get it, Katy Perry. Miley isn’t fooling around. When she gets to England, you’re not going to give her a silly spanking for the cameras. Miley is going to have her furry midgets pin you down on the banks of the Thames while she unlawfully carnally gets to know you. When she’s done, you’ll be wet and dirty and shivering at the foot of Big Ben wondering if even Russell Brand would ever take you back. You opened the can of worms, Katy. Now Miley’s going to close it, with your twat.

Photo Credit: Getty

Miley Cyrus Shows Off Her Sex Fist Then Calls Katy Perry a Dirty-Mouthed Ho

By Lex March 07, 2014 @ 4:07 PM

Miley Cyrus Plays Around With A Sex Toy
The world’s lamest girlfight ever continues. No hair pulling or boobs being ripped out of wifebeaters or even high-pitched screeching, as Miley Cyrus told Katy Perry that she better not be talking about which bitch has the dirty mouth.

Oh, snap, or some such shit like that. I’m kind of impressed Miley knew how to make the Twitter tongue emoticon. It’s shows she’s advanced past simple tools and utterances. Her trainers might even start saying, damn, that tomboy belongs in a school, not in a leotard with her rectum so pronounced in the air.

To show how serious she is about people not pre-judging her sexual habits, Miley Tweeted a photo of her new sex toy, a ginormous dildo in the shape of four-fingered hand. They say you’re not a real woman until you go ulna first on your secret garden forays with the Hand of Adonis. I’m not about to start judging what women jam up their lady parts, If I had a vagina, I’d have to use a mirror to see the TV set up my twat during NFL Sundays. If it felt good, it’s getting up in there. Still, I wouldn’t kiss Miley.

Photo Credit: Miley Cyrus/Twitter