Everybody seems to love Jennifer Lawrence because she’s young and attractive and has no problem acting like an idiot, all in the name of being quirky and zany. She’s also an Oscar winner, so that bought her a few years of invincibility when it comes to behavior that would be considered really fucking annoying if pulled off by a lesser celebrity. So everyone’s just eating up her witty anecdote that she revealed to Seth Meyers on Late Night last night, about the time that she was at an Oscars after party and she threw up in front of other famous people. Even Miley Cyrus told her to get her shit together, which is really the ultimate sign in knowing that you’re acting like a complete asshole.
The strange friendship between Wayne Coyne and Miley Cyrus continued last night at the Billboard Music Awards, where the duo teamed up to let Miley screech her autotuned way through the Beatles classic “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.” Miley picked that song, you see, because she really likes experimenting with drugs like marijuana and LSD, since she’s so unique and original, and no musician has ever used the pot to really make the music come out of them the way that Miley does. You can even tell by the way that Miley painfully dragged out every verse of the song and stuck her stupid tongue out while none of her fans sang along, because her fans are idiots who clearly wouldn’t know good music if it was twerking right in front of them, that she knows that she’s an old soul who belongs in a different era. Now we just need to convince her that the time machine that will take her back to the 70s is in the bottom of a volcano.
At some point in her lip-synched London concert, Miley was acting out fellatio on a giant inflatable penis, sucking a midgets latex titties, and spanking a she-beast visually foretelling of Khloe Kardashian’s future offspring.With the sound off, it’s really not a half bad freak show. Parents groups are up in arms because Miley is reasonably likely to leave their girls pregnant and riddled with pox. Parents groups always talk a good game, but you really have to get them into a lather before they’ll start burning 2 Live Crew albums in the town square. This whole show gets better with fire.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, AKM-GSI, Splash
It was touch and go there for a while with Miley Cyrus and her modestly to severely bogus medical diagnosis. You may recall Miley was on an extended hospital stay due to an intense reaction to antibiotics, you know, like happens from time to time in the Congo. But you can’t keep a talent like Miley down for long. Not when the children of England and their big ears have yet to see Miley pantomime fellatio and shove a microphone into her vagina on stage. No impressionable tweens should be denied that right. Not if we want Christian girls to start making babies again.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News
As planned, Miley Cyrus has been given the green light to resume her Bangerz tour with her London show tomorrow, after she had to postpone some American and European shows because of her “allergies.” Doctors said that she had an “allergic reaction” to some “antibiotics,” and forgive us for being so skeptical about it all, but since this girl acts like she’s the first person on the planet to ever try drugs and shake her ass, it’s hard to believe that she just got a case of the common cold. But to announce her return to the road, she posted a video of her shaking her flat ass like a fucking idiot, because there’s just no stopping this rebel of a music superstar. What will this generation’s genius think of next? No clue, but it’s guaranteed to be annoying as hell and probably stolen from dozens of artists before her.
Photo Credit: Miley Cyrus Twitter