Miley Cyrus, a Giant, and a Midget Walk Into a Bar

By Lex May 12, 2014 @ 12:53 PM

Miley Cyrus Gets Raunchy With The Amazon And Midget In Her Performance In Leeds
At some point in her lip-synched London concert, Miley was acting out fellatio on a giant inflatable penis, sucking a midgets latex titties, and spanking a she-beast visually foretelling of Khloe Kardashian’s future offspring.With the sound off, it’s really not a half bad freak show. Parents groups are up in arms because Miley is reasonably likely to leave their girls pregnant and riddled with pox. Parents groups always talk a good game, but you really have to get them into a lather before they’ll start burning 2 Live Crew albums in the town square. This whole show gets better with fire.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Miley Cyrus In A Bra Leaving Madame Jojo’s Nightclub In London

By Lex May 09, 2014 @ 10:34 AM

Miley Cyrus In A Bra Leaving Madame Jojo's Nightclub In London

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, AKM-GSI, Splash

Miley Cyrus Is Cured

By Lex May 07, 2014 @ 12:47 PM

Miley Cyrus Performs Onstage At 02 Arena In London
It was touch and go there for a while with Miley Cyrus and her modestly to severely bogus medical diagnosis. You may recall Miley was on an extended hospital stay due to an intense reaction to antibiotics, you know, like happens from time to time in the Congo. But you can’t keep a talent like Miley down for long. Not when the children of England and their big ears have yet to see Miley pantomime fellatio and shove a microphone into her vagina on stage. No impressionable tweens should be denied that right. Not if we want Christian girls to start making babies again.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

Miley Cyrus Is Back At Twerking Form

By Travis May 05, 2014 @ 2:00 PM

As planned, Miley Cyrus has been given the green light to resume her Bangerz tour with her London show tomorrow, after she had to postpone some American and European shows because of her “allergies.” Doctors said that she had an “allergic reaction” to some “antibiotics,” and forgive us for being so skeptical about it all, but since this girl acts like she’s the first person on the planet to ever try drugs and shake her ass, it’s hard to believe that she just got a case of the common cold. But to announce her return to the road, she posted a video of her shaking her flat ass like a fucking idiot, because there’s just no stopping this rebel of a music superstar. What will this generation’s genius think of next? No clue, but it’s guaranteed to be annoying as hell and probably stolen from dozens of artists before her.

Photo Credit: Miley Cyrus Twitter

Read more >

Miley Cyrus Taped Nipples For A Video By Quentin Jones

By Lex May 02, 2014 @ 12:44 PM

Miley Cyrus Wears Tape On Her Nipples For A Video By Quentin Jones
I don’t know who this Quentin Jones fellow is, but he’s described as a multimedia artist, which I assume is a title of honor they just don’t give out to any old art school student. He made this Sesame Street style video of Miley Cyrus with tape on her nipples that runs just before Miley comes out on stage for her Banger Tour appearances. It lets the tween audience known that bad porn is about to commence. As adults, we know when richly unsatisfying Euro porn is about to begin. Somebody starts playing the harp. But middle school kids need a prompt that Miley is moments away from running out on stage to rub her clit on top of an Olds 88. It used to be the fat concert promoter with a mustache yelling ‘Are you ready to rock!’. Now it’s naked multimedia Miley covered in oil while obscure things are uttered in French so that nobody can technically get arrested for obscenity.

Let’s Keep Pretending Miley Cyrus Had Bad Antibiotics

By Lex April 18, 2014 @ 6:02 PM

I prefer when the publicists just say the young drug experimenting and partying performers are suffering from exhaustion or vocal chord fatigue or whatever other bullshit to explain why tours are being canceled and why the stars are mysteriously hold up in hospital wards. But I guess allergic reaction to an antibiotic is the new ‘wants to spend more time with her family’. Journey taught us that the road ain’t no place to raise a family, but it is an excellent place to chase down some happy pills with Jack and Cokes. Occasionally bands will cancel tours for non-drug related reasons. The dude from Kings of Leon canceled the tour a couple summers back because he just wanted to bang the shit out of his new Victoria’s Secret wife. Van Halen’s reunion concert got shut down when the crotchety old dudes just couldn’t stand to fucking look at each other sober. But, by and large, it’s recreational substances. Though that was refuted by Miley’s publicists:

Miley was suffering from a sinus infection during her tour in N.C. a week ago. She was prescribed the antibiotic Cephalexin which she has now suffered an extreme allergic reaction to. This type of extreme reaction can last from five to 27 days in these types of cases. She will remain hospitalized and is under a doctor’s care until we see some improvement in her condition and is asking for your compassion and privacy at this time. Miley is devastated about missing shows and possibly disappointing her fans.

That certainly seems official. Despite first hand accounts of Miley’s massive weed smoking, it’s hard to argue with publicist penned science. I can certainly give her my compassion at this time. Privacy is another matter. I’d like to retain that for myself. I do hope Miley gets better. I bet her drug connect does too.

Photo credit: Splash News