Miley Cyrus Calls the Cops

By Lex September 16, 2014 @ 12:59 PM

Miley Cyrus Shows Stomach While Getting A Police Escort For Her Motorcycle
It’s not uncommon for the police to receive calls regarding disoriented elderly women and wandering illegal immigrant children who are still confused after walking a thousand miles in homemade sandals. Miley Cyrus called for the police from a fire station after being followed by a paparazzi snapping she and her sister riding their 3-wheeled motorcycle around Beverly Hills.

Despite what you saw in the Eddie Murphy movies, the Beverly Hills police don’t have all that much to do. Providing safe passage for Miley back to her bong and malt-liquor filled dildo hangout seemed like a sensible use of law enforcement resources. Until Suge Knight seeks his revenge, things are kind of slow in the 90210. Why not lend a hand to the less fortunate and small-breasted.

Photo Credit: Fame Flynet

Miley Cyrus Bastardizes The Hippies

By Matt September 15, 2014 @ 1:58 PM


Miley Cyrus just released a fairly shitty rudimentary cover of Led Zeppelin’s “Baby I’m Gonna Leave You”, presumably in correlation to her new art/fashion/whatever the fuck it is Dirty Hippy collection of obnoxious looking shit she paid someone to assemble and took credit for. Cyrus has a few characteristics of actual hippies: an overstated self righteousness, a drug habit, and what is surely a large volume of unprotected sex with people she will regret twenty years from now if she happens to remember.

Most hippies sold out as soon as it stopped being cool, so Cyrus’ dabbling in stink culture is pretty typical of the old guard who all took jobs with Monsanto once the pussy dried up. Cyrus will surely offend some diehards who think exploiting their belief system to hawk shitty merchandise at Target is uncouth, but nobody really listens to them anyway since they are toothless and decrepit shack dwellers, plus Cyrus has no idea what hippies believe anyway, she just likes the shiny colors and not having to conform to the conventional standards of beauty or washing.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Miley Cyrus: Artist And Shit Around The Web

By Jack September 09, 2014 @ 12:11 PM


Miley Cyrus has joined other talentless celebrities masquerading as visual artists. She has a an art show called “Dirty Hippie” at V Magazine’s offices in New York. It’s mostly crap like bongs and vibrators with other shit glued to it. Maybe that’s art, maybe it isn’t, I know I’m not touching it without a double wrap of latex gloves.

Check out Miley’s crappy sculptures. (Dlisted)

Jennifer Lopez in a leather dress is still pretty fucking hot. (Huffington Post)

Emily Ratjakowski loves to show off her tits, doesn’t she? (Popoholic)

This video of Abigail Ratchford at a photoshoot makes my wiener happy. (COED)

Remember Ashley Simpson? Here is her sideboob. (The Superficial)

Lily Allen in a bikini is a good thing. (Hollywood Tuna)

Jennifer Aniston wore a see-through dress and showed us all her nips. (Drunken Stepfather)

Miley’s Mom Wants Approval

By Matt September 09, 2014 @ 6:06 AM


Tish Cyrus gets asked a lot about being the mom of America’s favorite acting out child. When your kid is flashing her cooch at school to the boys for a dollar, everybody just talks about what a horrible mom you are behind your back. When she does it in sold out arenas for millions, they ask you quite openly about your feelings while kissing your ass. And Tish has her likable, canned response ready to go:

“You know, I joke about it from being Billy Cyrus wife to Miley Cyrus’ mom, but no, not really. I am proud of her — she is my child.

Every Saturday morning when we are making breakfast, we twerk in the kitchen. It is so much fun.”

If by Saturday morning, Tish means 4pm when she tosses a bucket of cold water on Miley and the androgynous salvia dealer wrapped around her daughter’s feet, that could be breakfast. She could be more forceful about imposing discipline but Miley is an adult now, not to mention paying everybody’s rent and tooth whitening money. It’s amazing how the mother daughter dynamic changes once you’ve sold your offspring in the molestation bazaar that is young Hollywood. You can’t really ever take that back, except in folksy stories your publicist whispers in your painted ear before interviews.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Miley Cyrus Topless and Touched Up

By Lex September 08, 2014 @ 10:59 AM

Miley Cyrus Goes Nude For V Magazine
It must’ve hurt Miley’s feelings that none of her 92,000 sexually deviant fucking the bear pics were hacked from the Cloud so she went and took her top off the old fashioned way, an inanely stylized European magazine spread. She looks more distinctly female here and less like an 80′s northern European androgynous rock band lead, so kudos to the Photoshoppers at V Magazine. I think it’s justified to applaud Miley Cyrus for her bold public persona, at least with the same vigor with which you hope she’ll suffer amnesia and disappear into a waitressing job at a Novia Scotia greasy spoon for the next twenty years.

Photo Credit: V Magazine

Miley Cyrus Flashes Her Rashy Chest for Wang

By Matt September 08, 2014 @ 6:04 AM


Miley Cyrus went to an Alexander Wang after party at Fashion Week with ice cream cone pasties taped to her little nubs. Cyrus added to the ensemble some goofy glasses and weed leaf earrings, because unlike the rest of society she continued thinking prop closets were amazing past the single digit years. I bet she still loves that trunk full of surprises that the dentist lets you pick from when you behave super well while getting fake giant cartoon teeth. Miley showed off a horrid infected looking rash on her neck and chest as part of the social statement. It could have been ebola if Miley were more interesting and contemporary. But it was probably just mange from her pet cat. I think Miley needs to find a new way to be provocative, like self-immolation or trying to stop a derailed train with those teeth. I never thought I’d ever say this, but, put your clothes back on woman. For the love of St. Christopher, the patron saint of boner kills.

Photo Credit: Instagram, AKM-GSI