Minka Kelly is in St Barths this week with her boyfriend, New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter. He’s really famous, so I have to sweeten the pot if my plan to steal her away is gonna work. The commercials for Kay Jewelers suggested this Loves Embrace pendant. While the world may change at a hectic pace, she and I will be safe in Loves Embrace. Let’s see Jeter try and top this.
(source = fame)
I wanna punch John Mayer in his stupid face for having the nerve to dump Minka Kelly. WhoTF does he think he is. She’s essentially perfect. Great skin, long hair, good tits and just enough ass to get high-fives from black guys but not so much that you lose the respect of your white friends. She even cleans up after her own dog. I know that shouldn’t be as laudable as it is, but this is Hollywood. JLo would have kept on walking because she was on her way to pour 10 gallons of penicillin in the dirt in front of some African kids.
(who = Minka Kelly. where = LA, the set of “the Roommate”. when: 5.5.09. image source = flynet and pacific coast)
I keep hearing that Hollywood is a vapid superficial whorehouse where only beautiful people can succeed, and God I wish that were true because I’m sick to death of the real Hollywood where Maggie The Sad Cartoon Turtle Gyllenhaal is starring in Batman yet supperhottie Minka Kelly is working a JC Penny event. WTF is that? I've never even heard of anyone who would touch Maggie Gyllenhaal unless they were stranded on a desert island or something, but every guy on earth would hump Minka Kelly on the way to their parents funeral if the chance presented itself. At the funeral. During the funeral. They would use the coffin to prop up Minkas ass for a better angle if they thought it would help, and wouldn’t stop until they felt the first shovel of dirt. And yet who's the successful one? God this town sucks.
(picture source = getty images)
Minka Kelly (rawr!) was working out at Equinox in West Hollywood yesterday and, um, why are all the pictures taken from the ground? Are you allowed to take pictures of whoever you want as long as you’re underneath them? Because if so I’m gonna tape a video camera pointing up to a skateboard and strap it to Jessica Alba’s ankle immediately.
I don't how the hell Minka Kelly isn't a huge star because that bitch is hot, and her tits are fantastic, and all three of them looked better than ever at the In Style/Warner Brothers Golden Globe party. With that sheer top it's easy to pretend she's naked, so I thought it might be hot to open one of her pictures and wack my penis against the monitor. But it wasn’t hot. In fact all it really did was get me kicked out of the library.
Jennifer Aniston’s vagina must be magic because that’s the only rational explanation for anyone to ever choose her over Minka Kelly. Yet that’s exactly what John Mayer did. But at least he was cool about it, according to Page Six…
JOHN Mayer might have broken Minka Kelly's heart when he left her for Jennifer Aniston - but he had the decency to call her before the news about them hit the press. A Kelly pal said, "Minka [above] received a call from John prior to the story breaking about his relationship with Jennifer. He apologized to Minka, 'Sorry, but I'm really in love.' " She found that interesting as, "during his relationship with her, John mentioned, 'I don't really get this Jennifer Aniston thing.' "
This is just baffling because Minka Kelly is superior to Jennifer Aniston in every way. It’s like comparing a Bentley to a donkey asleep in the mud. Look at that ass. She should be kidnapped by the government and studied and cloned, thus ushering in a golden age of women with perfect asses.
